My crush’s new gf is 20 years younger

[Bromelain]

I’m 44. For a while I’ve had a crush on a man who’s 35. I didn’t think it was a huge age gap. In the past I’ve dated men who are ten years older than me, I regularly see couples with a similar age gap.

Anyway tonight I met his new girlfriend and she’s 24. I can’t compete with that. Even if they broke up there’s no way he’d go from her to me. She’s 20 years younger than me - I’m old enough to be her mother.

It was just so hard looking at her and realising how old I am compared to the other women this guy can attract. They were obviously very happy with each other. I’m insane to have thought he might look at me twice. Obviously I was crushing on him and he didn’t even see me.

I just feel old and worthless and invisible. I still feel that age myself but obviously I’m not. It’s like my body has aged but my brain hasn’t.

I am in an open relationship and a little bit older than you. My main partner is my age whereas a couple of my other partners are around the age of this guy.

It is perfectly possible he is attracted to you and to her. But yes, if he maybe wants kids, exclusive dating with a mid-40s woman isn’t going to work. Not about physical attractiveness, about life goals. Just as if he always wanted to emigrate to Australia and you had a conversation with him about how irritating you found Australians, he probably wouldn’t see you as a prospect.

Physical attraction and compatibility are not the same!

You're using this woman's age as an excuse to have a pity party. I've been 35, , and I found women who were 10 years older attractive, and women 10 years younger attractive. Hell, at 23 I had a few dates with a woman who was 37.

It wasn't your age that this guy didn't fancy, it was you. (Sorry to be blunt!) But that's OK, it just means he wasn't the right guy. Someone else will be the right guy, and will find you attractive.

Forget this guy. Have you got some disposable cash? Go out and get yourself a glow up. New clothes, new hair, new make up and get out there and look for a handsome guy in his early 50s so that you can be the hot young thing on his arm. 44 is a nice age for a woman - still youthful, still sexy but you have to look for the right kind of guy. Someone that already had his family and wants to be in a relationship full of sex and fun.