Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would this annoy you and how to approach

65 replies

Inforapenny2 · 28/04/2024 14:58

I’d love some gentle but honest, constructive advice please

My partner and I have been together for 12 years, we are both early 30s. No kids. We have both, always had busy social lives, sometimes with other ‘couple’ friends and sometimes with our own individual groups. All good, no problems there. We both enjoy going out, having a few drinks, day trips etc albeit a few of my close friends don’t drink so my social life does not revolve around alcohol as much as his but, either way, we generally have no problem.

One thing that always really frustrates me though is my partners lack of drive when it comes to saving for a holiday. I love going on holiday, and with a healthy household income (and no child expenses) we can comfortably afford to go abroad twice a year.

In the last 5 months I have unfortunately had 2 miscarriages, the second of which (earlier this month) was particularly traumatic for reasons which I won’t go into. But there were complications.

My partner was so incredibly supportive throughout. When we thought I was having a miscarriage, he made it very clear that we both need a break and we could go on a long holiday together in May/june. I then suggested some dates, was ready to book and he tells me that he doesn’t have the money (we split the cost of everything, we don’t have joint finances and this works well for us).

My main annoyance though is that he always has the money for everything else. He follows a sport 3/4 times a month which involves travel, an expensive day of eating and drinking before coming back home. It’s easy to spend £2-300 per day on this alone as, having followed the sport with him on a couple of occasions I have too spent the same.

He is in every other way an excellent partner.

Would this annoy you? What would you suggest?

OP posts:
AlienMonsters · 28/04/2024 17:37

My DH just walked in and asked me what I was typing so I told him about this thread and he said: why doesn't she pay for him to come along as a sign of love?

loverofbestbuy · 28/04/2024 18:02

AlienMonsters · 28/04/2024 17:37

My DH just walked in and asked me what I was typing so I told him about this thread and he said: why doesn't she pay for him to come along as a sign of love?

and what’s your view?

Saschka · 28/04/2024 18:09

AlienMonsters · 28/04/2024 17:37

My DH just walked in and asked me what I was typing so I told him about this thread and he said: why doesn't she pay for him to come along as a sign of love?

Because he suggested it to her as “a sign of love” after a miscarriage.

“Darling, I know you are devastated after the miscarriage, why don’t you pay for me to go on holiday this summer? That’s sure to cheer you up”

Does your DH also suggest you buy your own Christmas presents from him “a sign of love” so he doesn’t have to bother? Do you have to buy your own flowers “from him” on Valentine’s Day, and then thank him for his thoughtfulness?

AlienMonsters · 28/04/2024 18:20

@loverofbestbuy it was there right above it

@Saschka the point was: they're a couple trying for a baby, what if she picked up the tab this time and paid his half? She was still going to plan the holiday all on her own whether he paid half or not.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 28/04/2024 18:20

Holiday pot. Put £150 each in a month and book a holiday once you have enough. In the meantime, book a week off and enjoy a staycation to get some physical rest. Go on some nice day trips and do whatever you like doing to relax.

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 18:21

FrangipaniBlue · 28/04/2024 16:35

@DolceGustoooohCoffee I suggest you rtft before having a pop at other posters - the OP very clearly said £800 EACH

and @DolceGustoooohCoffee clearly said she paid half of that Not at all, that's double what me and DP spend

ie £800 for both adults

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 18:22

MrsPuckle · 28/04/2024 17:20

Inforapenny2 · Today 15:03
Holiday around £800 each

EACH. Perhaps you’d like to re-read the OP’s posts? It’s also a public forum where anyone can reply to other posters. HTH

Edited

yes and

Not at all, that's double what me and DP spend

so… £800 for both

MrsPuckle · 28/04/2024 18:32

Why has this thread turned into how much someone pays for holiday? The OP posted asking for advice, she’s struggling after miscarriages for goodness sake. How can some on this thread not see that? Some people on this forum are beyond belief at times. We had one poster on the thread asking question after question that the OP had already answered, totally derailing it and they clearly couldn’t read.

OP I hope you get a holiday sorted out that you can go away with your DH to relax on and heal a little bit Flowers

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 18:41

MrsPuckle · 28/04/2024 18:32

Why has this thread turned into how much someone pays for holiday? The OP posted asking for advice, she’s struggling after miscarriages for goodness sake. How can some on this thread not see that? Some people on this forum are beyond belief at times. We had one poster on the thread asking question after question that the OP had already answered, totally derailing it and they clearly couldn’t read.

OP I hope you get a holiday sorted out that you can go away with your DH to relax on and heal a little bit Flowers

Edited

yes often that is the kind of response when someone posts in response to a post and they are then shown to be wrong!

you posted about the holiday
even including an irrelevant link!

MrsPuckle · 28/04/2024 18:45

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 18:41

yes often that is the kind of response when someone posts in response to a post and they are then shown to be wrong!

you posted about the holiday
even including an irrelevant link!

Listen, off you pop to another thread. The OP said £800 EACH. You can sit here all night on threads trying to start an argument with people if that’s what floats your boat. Perhaps pop onto to your other sock and keep arguing with yourself? It’ll give you something to do to amuse yourself. ☺️

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 19:16

MrsPuckle · 28/04/2024 18:45

Listen, off you pop to another thread. The OP said £800 EACH. You can sit here all night on threads trying to start an argument with people if that’s what floats your boat. Perhaps pop onto to your other sock and keep arguing with yourself? It’ll give you something to do to amuse yourself. ☺️

Edited

yes but the previous poster was asking for link to hotel where you can get 2 week AI for 2 adults… for £800!

marzipanlover81 · 28/04/2024 19:17

off you pop but to quote you

It’s also a public forum where anyone can reply to other posters

😆

harriethoyle · 28/04/2024 19:28

Jesus, the holiday cost derailers need to take a look at themselves. Wtf is wrong with you?

@Inforapenny2 I'm really sorry for your loss. I too would be disappointed by your OHs actions but as @Greywitch2 says he doesn't sound like an arsehole, just thoughtless. Holiday fund will sort this going forward and I hope you manage to get a break and some R and R

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 30/04/2024 09:47

I'm going to ignore all the weirdness about how much. People have the weirdest obsessions about what other people choose to spend their money on while ignoring their own vices/penchants.

I think the suggestion about various "pots" of cash is a good one. When the savings for anything, the mortgage and the bills for stuff go out again on payday it's much easier to live within whatever means you have left. Doesn't always go to plan if theres a financial emergency but it helps in the ability to make one and stick to it.

For now, look into a break you can do by yourself and in particular something that either only you would like [as a treat for you] or you both would [as a pointed "remark" for him. Rest up and recuperate. Figure out when you get back whether you want to take time to see if anything changes or if you want to try again. Be kind to yourself and take @Greywitch2 's advice.

Missamyp · 30/04/2024 17:44

I think some posters need to spend £800 on reading glasses and then a further £800 on actually learning to read.
I swear this forum is hilarious.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread