Partner ruining every weekend and special occasion

[Gigiy]

Hi mn
Been with my child’s father for 5 years and we have a 2 year old. Common theme in the relationship especially since we had Dc has been him during the slightest argument saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He will take a few hours space then come back into the house like normal. I, up until now was greatful him coming back and carried on as normal. But I’ve had enough now. Every weekend without a doubt he ruins with this strop and every special occasion. I’m noticing a pattern, it’s like when things go well he destroys it and says it’s over. During the weeks he’s busy with work, we get along and spend a little time in the evening then soon as he wakes Saturday morning he’s in a mood. I’ve had enough now. Any advice?

I did this with my husband after too many years of pandering to him and walking on eggshells.

He soon bucked up his ideas and stopped being a dick after he missed out on a few family outings....I left him a few years later.

Look up how to change your locks and get the things you need from B&Q and next time he's left and had enough, change the locks and text him to say that you totally understand how he's feeling and you've been feeling the same for quite a while. You'll let him know when he can pick his things up.

My ex was exactly the same. It was exhausting walking on eggshells all the time. One day when he threatened to leave I just said, go on then. He tried to backtrack but I'd had enough.

He obviously had somewhere to go to then didn't he? That was the first thing I thought of actually that he was resentful at being with you because he wanted to be with someone else. It doesn't matter though, he's gone now and when he returns you just have to be firm and say this can't go on and you want it to end.

Well done OP - that can’t have been easy. You and your child deserve much better than a man who treats you like this.

Sorry only just read your update. Well done. That's absolutely brilliant. Like a PP said, he's obviously got somewhere else to go.

Now definitely look up on YouTube how to change those locks and get to it this morning

He thinks he's such a prize when actually he's a punishment.

I am married to a man we are supposed to revolve around. If I could afford to leave him, I would, but I am stuck until I can find a higher paying job and get some savings put aside.

Well that’s a good result. I was going to suggest you leave if he keeps leaving and coming back

What is your plan for when he does inevitably come crawling back? Who owns the house or is on the tenancy? If it’s yours I would just change the locks but if it’s joint you need legal advice.

Well done, OP.

Odds on he’ll be back tonight thinking all will be as normal and his work clothes washed etc. Do you need a friend to come and be with you?

I hope you have a lovely day with your DC. Your XP sounds awful! Have you got plan going forward. What practical things do you need to look at re: house, work etc? Hopefully it's straightforward.

You can’t just lock someone out of their house.

Get yourself into a secure enough financial position that next time he says this - you say ‘ok then . This life isn’t working for either of us . Let’s make plans to seperate and discuss Co parenting ‘ .

So don't let him come crawling back now.

Refuse to let him in the door. Tell him he's clearly been shagging someone else. Refuse to listen to his excuses. Tell him he can go to his Mum's and he can get an STI test if he even wants you to listen to him. Basically stone cold face and delay things if he is entitled to live in your house.

In the meantime, sort out living arrangements so that you don't have to live together. Whose house is it?

On the other hand, if it's your house/tenancy and he has no legal right to be there simply change the locks and tell him to fuck off.

He will definitely come crawling back eventually. He thinks he's punishing you at the moment but I assure you he will be foaming that you have just agreed and left him to it. He's testing you to see how far he can push you. I hope you have the strength to stand your ground and start the process of separation. This is not good for you or your child.

Who owns the house, as above don't let him back

Children remember all this.
A few weeks ago was talking to my DD who is a teenager and she recalls me playing with her and my younger daughter one Sunday morning then as soon as ExH came down we all stopped being happy and I had to get up and serve his needs. He always ruined the DCs birthdays as well as mine. I hope you sort something long term to get rid of him.