Should I cut ex MIL out child’s life?

[littleheartsx]

My ex and I separated at the end of last year, it has been an absolute shit show since. His family hate me, and I have tried to salvage a relationship with them for the sake of my child ie sending flowers on birthday, Xmas gifts, Mother’s Day texts etc etc. In return I have been blocked by them.

Anyway I found an old iPad in my home which I charged for my child, within this iPad I found messages that conclude my ex partner was an absolute cretin during my pregnancy and after our son was born , however I also found messages (very recent, last week, so I’m assuming still connected to my exs iclocud) from my ex MIL to my ex partner stating how I am a narcissist, a covert narcissist and multiple screenshots of instagram pages describing what she believes I am - I would obviously disagree, and if anybody was any of those things it would be her beloved son. These messages state that he shouldn’t give me attention, support me, be more lenient etc. I have no idea what the hell she is talking about as her beloved son has cut contact with our child to one night every eight nights. Other messages include a meme “take your ex back or take a big line of coke” with a photo of a man covered in what I assume to be “coke” and another meme that says “don’t hit the grandchildren, me with my children” and a video of a woman swinging a child about.

She is a recovering alcoholic, has bipolar disorder and is quite frankly a total nasty arsehole.

Not only do these message enable her sons shitty behaviour but they also encourage him
not to have a healthy co parenting relationship with me. I don’t feel that my son is safe around this woman. I don’t think it’s in his best interest either.

She will refer to her own daughter’s ex partner as a “sperm donor” infront of their children, I won’t tolerate that kind of behavioir towards me infront of my son.

I know I cannot stop her from seeing my son when he is in his dads care, i would need some sort of court order? Should I go down this route? Would I be wasting my time, I really don’t think she brings anything positive to my babies life.

any advice or help is appreciated

he has no say over who/when you date or even when you introduce to child

How does he stop these things?

Yes cut the MiL out. Move on.

@littleheartsx Everything you have written here is so concerning. You are being controlled. Nothing that he says about you matters. Imaging you are walking down the street and a dog barks at you. Do you go home and stress and worry and change yourself because a dog didn't like you? Or do you ignore it and get on with your day. Your ex is the dog. Let him bark.

You really need to get some help. Please get in touch with Women's Aid. Also have a look online for The Freedom Programme and The Grey Rock Technique.

Enrol your child in whatever nursery you want to. Take your child to be vaccinated. You need to take back some control. For now the person who is being affected the most here is you, but very, very soon your child will start to notice and feel this control. They will wonder why their mother does anything this man says. They will have your relationship with him as a blueprint for relationships. And worse of all they will think it's normal for him to control them too. So at the moment, even if you don't think you deserve to escape from his manipulation and control tactics, know that your child does and put in place very, very strict boundaries.

Do you mean your child isn’t vaccinated? Op, forget all about his awful mum. It’s much more important you focus on breaking free of his abusive control. You can enroll your child in nursery, freeing you up to work. If he says horrible things you can switch to contact be email only and only read it at set times. He is full of shit, do not let what he says control you. You’re a great mum and doing the best for your child. Stop being so bloody nice and start fighting. If he hasn’t told the gp he doesn’t consent to vaccinations just book them and get them done. He won’t even know if he takes no interest, it sounds like your child is too young to tell him. Please start reminding yourself every day that it does not matter what he thinks or says, and you can make decisions in your child’s best interests. You may have to manage some fallout from those decisions, but you can make them. Don’t put him on the pick up list at the childcare you enroll your child at. Never ever put his mum on the list unless it’s a court order.

Why do you allow him to tell you what to do? He doesn't get to 'let' you do anything, even if you were happily married.