Lonely

[Enn]

My heart hurts with envy seeing people live their lives… having babies, falling in love, getting married, celebrating milestones, doing things in couples. I’m 50 and never experienced any of that. Friends tell me I’m lovely, happy, attractive, etc, but I’ve been on my own for 7 years now and I’m lonely and unhappy. I have joined groups and got involved in things that I am interested in, but it hasn’t changed a thing. I feel so fed up. I just slog my guts out at work and wait for people I know who are in relationships to fancy a night out without their other halves.. which is really rare.. I don’t get invites to things often as I make an odd number. It’s not how I imagined life would be. I’m sinking and don’t know how to change things. Talking therapy hasn’t helped. I’d love a little moral support X

Hi OP im so sorry you feel so lonely. Have you tried dating or is it not for you?

I’ve tried online dating but it hasn’t led to anything x

Sorry you feel lonely. It's very difficult. I am separated and life is incredibly lonely.

I would stop waiting for friends to become available and try to find some meet up groups in your local area, I've seen things like this on FB.

would you consider a singles cruise or speed dating events?

So sorry to hear life has been feeling this way OP. Loneliness is tough. Do you get any enjoyment from being in your own company ? Or is it that it's just too much of being in your own company and you crave being close to a partner ?

I am in the same position, a bit younger, so sending lots of sympathy and virtual hugs! I try to beat loneliness by being very proactive with friends, and have tried to make single friends over the years to make sure I have people to speak to and to go out with on a more regular basis. I am also involved with social activities at work and through work, which has helped in my case.

Loneliness is about not being there for yourself, rather than not having others not being there for you.

How do you take care of your own feelings? How are you consciously 'there for you'?

@Enn - I'm in the same situation as you. I've tried online dating but I've found men my age don't want a relationship because they have already been there and done that for years in marriages or long term relationships. I haven't had many long term relationships and haven't had kids so I am in a different situation to the men I usually date.

I have joined a social group but I am often really tired after work anyway. At least I know there are activities I can join if I want to.

I'm in exactly the same place, apart from having a young daughter. It is just awful. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks for your message.

I’ve tried a few Meet Ups. It’s quite exhausting putting yourself out there to talk to strangers all the time, but I have tried x

You too. All seems quite pointless at the mo xx

thank you for your response. I love my own company - just missing the things that life brings when you have someone that loves you (I know it’s not that way in every relationship) x

What are those things that life brings when you have someone who loves you? (They won't be the same for everybody, so I'm asking what would be special for you in that circumstance)

I'd be inclined to consider an adventure.

I mean sure,marriage and kids is a nice dream. How about considering other dreams?

You could go solo travel. Volunteer in some far flung country. Hit somewgere exotic like turkey and have a romance with a young hottie. Write a book. Buy a boat and take up sailing.

Shake things up.
Sometimes we have to let some dreams go to make space for new ones. You might meet a nice man along on the journey.

A shake up is just what I need I think x

It’s a good question. I think a wider circle to socialise with, someone to jump in the car with for spout of the moment weekends away, someone to talk about my day with and vice versa, physical contact (hugs) xx

I absolutely understand how you feel. I am in a similar position. I don't really have any advice more than what other posters have given, but I just wanted to send you my best wishes. I hope life looks up for you soon.

I think this is bollocks. Yes, you can be detached from yourself, your own needs etc. You can also be isolated and have few connections with other people, or few meaningful connections. And that is what most people mean by loneliness.

Ewww, imagine the ick if a men's forum advised a lonely older gentleman to 'go to the Philippines and have a romance with a young hottie'.

Meh, its not the same thing exactly.

But so long as everyone knows they're playing the game, who cares! I'm not sympathetic to men who use women to con them. They deserve a rinsing back. I'm slightly more sympathetic to women who maybe are trying to escape their countries more rigid patriarchy...but they're still on the make. Men exploit women all the time. What's wrong with a woman playing a player? Good on her I say.

I really don’t agree with this. Lonlieness is a lack of meaningful connections. We are social creatures and it is quite normal to feel lonely if you don’t have people around you that you truly connect with, whether that is a partner, friends or family.

I'd say it's wrong on both sides. There are loads of instances where women exploit men and it's a pretty poor justification for advising men to treat women in kind.

But these men set out to hoodwink women. They're selling a lie. It's not exploitative to pretend to believe it for a few weeks. Any more than entertaining someone trying to sell you a timeshare. They know they won't always succeed. There's no harm in humouring them though.

What about joining some online groups?

May be easier than doing meet-ups which may feel overwhelming with strangers.

What about neighbours? Such a difference can be made if you get to know them a bit more.

Or what about something a bit more radical. What about a move somewhere new? Sometimes moving can force us to seek a different lifestyle too and sort of reinvent yourself

Well if 'banging a hottie' who is merely a cold eyed conman is what turns you on, go for it. Just don't pretend you're any better than a man trawling Pattaya for young ladies.