Lonely

[Enn]

My heart hurts with envy seeing people live their lives… having babies, falling in love, getting married, celebrating milestones, doing things in couples. I’m 50 and never experienced any of that. Friends tell me I’m lovely, happy, attractive, etc, but I’ve been on my own for 7 years now and I’m lonely and unhappy. I have joined groups and got involved in things that I am interested in, but it hasn’t changed a thing. I feel so fed up. I just slog my guts out at work and wait for people I know who are in relationships to fancy a night out without their other halves.. which is really rare.. I don’t get invites to things often as I make an odd number. It’s not how I imagined life would be. I’m sinking and don’t know how to change things. Talking therapy hasn’t helped. I’d love a little moral support X

OK 👍

Lighten up. It's a dirty holiday. Not buying a wife.

I was single in my early 30s after a break up . I joined a group that's national called Spice socials . They were great , just book on . I mainly did weekends because that's when I felt that "aloneness" . Anything from horse riding , walking , to pub quizzes . It was great .

Look on Facebook for a local socialising group. If there isn't one, start one. I guarantee there will be people in the same position as you that want to meet up at weekends (especially as summer is round the corner- get some folk together for walks/pub/coffee stops). All the best OP xx

"Eh lads, I'm just off to Thailand for a dirty holiday".

Sounds charming.

'Take me with you mate, it sounds like a right laugh!'

Seriously though its not the same thing.
Men and women are different. No ones exploiting the men. They're just chancing their arm at getting themselves a sugermama. And fair play to them.

Everyone in life who wants to sleep with you, wants something from you. It might not be what you want from them. That's just life.

If you go abroad and have a few nights of passion with a hot waiter who was hoping you'd fall in love and marry him, but you don't, that doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you someone who knows what they want and goes for it.

And personally I think a little sun and flirting and maybe a fun fling, is always a nice thing. Even if it's bullshit and you know it, it'll still potentially put a little pep back in your step.

Anyway, let's just agree to disagree shall we.

You've convinced me. I'm booking the flights to Bangkok as we speak.

To be fair...a dirty holiday ìn Bangkok does sound kinda fun xD

I'm sure OP, genuinely struggling and asking for help, is so glad this has been turned into a cliched row about sex tourism.

@Pinkbonbon sharing advice worthy of shite chick lit, and @Telemakus hauling out that tired old MN fallacy, total equivalence of male and female behaviour.

👏👏👏

And we had agreed to disagree so as not to derail further. So...how are you helping by derailing again, the next day with this whingeing?

Ps, chicklit advice is valid even if you don't like it 😜

But yes let's get back to op. I noticed you use the word 'slog' when it comes to work op.

Sometimes if I feel all I do is work it makes me feel more sad because its like 'there should be something I'm working FOR'. Like it can exasperate the things we think are missing because it feels like our life revolves around getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed.

Maybe a change up with work would help? If it's do-able. Possible to reduce hours perhaps? Filling free time with varied hobbies too so that the days don't feel too same-y.

I had an aunt (think she was probably in her 50s at the time infact) that worked an officey job 9-5 for a good decade and she was bored so she got her hours reduced and took on a second job - at asda! I remeber because we all thought she was a bit mad. But, she said she was sick of never seeing the sun in winter due to her hours. And, asda meant she could be on her feet and be more active, which she hoped would help her health.

Obviously don't want to encourage you to destabilise your earning or take mad risks but it was just a thought about a change maybe being as good as a...don't say it...as good as...don't say it...as good as a dirty holiday. Dammit 😆

@Telemakus

I'd say it's wrong on both sides

So? Unless you expect everybody to agree with you, it doesn't really matter what you say 'is' wrong or right. Are you standing on a box?

OP, don't let anybody but the law tell you what's 'wrong' or 'right'. Those are just opinions, and yours is just as valid in a general sense, and, to you, massively more important!

Loneliness is a lack of meaningful connection with yourself, and there's no such thing as 'normal'. It is also common (and healthy) to not be lonely with a pretty solitary life. You don't need to agree, but that is the case.

Oh dear, and here was me convinced I'd uncovered an immutable law of the universe rather than expressed an opinion, in an exchange with another individual, that was only tangentially related to the OP's original post.

I'll get off my soapbox and submit future comments for peer review.

here was me convinced I'd uncovered an immutable law of the universe rather than expressed an opinion

You said it like it was both, @Telemakus . And you did submit your opinions for peer review. They're getting challenged. Welcome to forums. And peer reviews.

Got any more defences to perceived slights, or shall we leave it there?

Which is as.it should be. I don't care who or how many disagree with me I care when someone suggests I'm not allowed to give my opinion or falsely categorises my opining as a declaration of fact. I made no such claim.

Maybe lay off the vodka at breakfast time.

I don’t think the tangent this thread has gone off at is helpful to the OP at all.

OP sorry to hear you feel lonely, I know people will say take up hobbies etc but sometimes when you are feeling down you don’t have the motivation for them.

Perhaps take things in small manageable steps. If it’s a romantic connection you are looking for then maybe keep try online dating in the background but don’t let it take over.

Also don’t forget just because you see people’s social media posts and their lives look perfect they probably aren’t. It’s not reality.
I’ve posted plenty of stuff on FB and then a day or two later something awful has happened and derailed things.

Anyway, sorry OP, your thread has gone awry again. I will remove myself.

Good luck and, as a former meetup organiser, I would recommend downloading the Meetup app, it has many great groups and for the most part everyone who joins it are good people. Everyone's in the same boat there so it is very easy to make friends.

Maybe lay off the vodka at breakfast time

A personal attack. Sign of a strong argument.

Sorry for the derail, @Enn Have you made any plans with regard to suggestions on the thread?