Making Friends in Your 40’s

[DaisyP22]

Hi

I’d love some tips on how to make new friends. It was easy when the kids were little, however some friends moved away, some drifted apart during Covid, others turned out not to be who I thought they were.

I do have a few good friends to socialise with, but not anyone I can necessarily turn to if I had a problem, and I haven’t had a best friend for years. I work remotely so I’m not gaining any new friends through work.

Is it even possible to create new great friends at this age? I’m thinking of joining a club or something, I’d appreciate any advice.

Thanks

A book club is a good idea as they tend to meet reasonably regularly and you get to chat. Libraries often run them, or ask on FB local. You may need to try a couple to find one where you click with everyone!

I am generally cheerful, good sense of humour and try to think positively. Not sure I can pull off the bright clothes though!

Sorry but am visualising a clown!

Any sort of volunteering is another way.

My mum is retired, widowed, friends either deceased or in nursing homes. Slowly but surely getting a group of friends together through a charity shop.

I retired early which was great but DH and my friends are all still working that live locally. So I have done some voluntary work and joined a hiking group, plus do some classes. This has been for about the last 18 months. I have made some nice friends and to my surprise and hers I have made an absolute ride or die friend. Feels like we have known each other forever. Some of my friendships have lasted since the first day of primary school and I have always made friends easily. I’m like my Mother I can spin a yarn as she used to say and people seem to like that.

My philosophy has always been that to find the people you like and that like you back and you fit together you need to meet a lot of people.

I joined a local Facebook group for women last year and asked if anyone fancied a drink after work. Two ladies turned up and one of them happened to live near me and we just hit it off straight away, and she's pretty much my best friend now and we see each other at least once a week.

Friendships are hard as you have to find someone you click with. You could go to as many clubs as you like but if you don't click then it's not going to work.

I met a friend in gym class, we were both new, ended up being paired and spent the whole session in fits of laughter. We went for coffee a couple of weeks later and it just grew from there.

Another I met through work, he gave me a lift home after our Christmas party, I didn't know him but I live on his way home. I spent the next 90 minutes waffling drunkenly in his car. He then sat next to me in the office next time we were in and the rest is history.

In lockdown I started a female chat group and invited acquaintances to join. Then the word spread and we had several hundred members.

As things started opening up I put some open invites out if anyone fancy sitting in
a beer garden etc and got a few meet ups in groups of 6 - as we were allowed at the time

Its gone from there and a couple of the girls from that group have become very good friends and through going out together we’ve got uk know others as well.

Definitely hard. Met a friend tonight. Another I met last year in primary school together. Keen to meet. She didnt keep in touch. You kind of wonder why put in the effort. We met once.

Update…..

Thanks everyone for all the support and ideas, I had been feeling a bit lonely. You gave me the confidence to connect with people I hadn’t been in touch with for ages. This week I’ve got five get togethers with friends arranged which is amazing! It’s either feast or famine!

It has made me realise that if you reach out to people and suggest something they will be up for, people are open to doing things. 😊

What a lovely update. I think many friendships waned during covid times.

Well done Daisy. Im meeting a few over the summer dinner etc so thats positive.

Yes covid was hard. Think people so busy now nobody wants meet up.... My friend and I booked a show so that be nice in autumn.

Sorry to hijack but i'm really struggling with this too, Mid 40's and had a tight friendship group for many years, I felt very lucky to have a number of close friends but after an serious health diagnosis a couple of years ago and a very long road to recovery I really found out who my real friends were, and those who I thought would be, weren't there for me when i needed them the most.

Devastatingly for me, my best friend also had a diagnosis at the same time as me, we battled and supported each other during the darkest of times, but I survived & she didn't and two years on i'm utterly bereft and lost without her.
I have acquaintances and casual friends who I see every couple of months but no one I feel I can count on anymore. No one who truly gets me...

She was my person, I miss her terribly but I also miss the relationship we had and in my mid 40's I doubt very much i will ever find another friendship at that level.

To add insult to injury we were a trio, and my other close friend has drifted away after over 30 years of friendship.

I'm blessed to have a great DP, and family, but I feel terribly lonely at times not having that 1 special person anymore.

I'm not short of pals, I have lots I can call on for a coffee, dinner, girls night etc and we meet up around work, family when we can, but its not the same.

I feel like I will never have a friendship like that again and it makes me incredibly sad :(

I am so sorry for your health issues, your loss, and sorry your other close friend has drifted away. Have you tried reconnecting with the drifter at all?

I found covid was a testing time for discovering who your friends really were and I lost a couple of good friends during lockdown - thankfully they are alive and well as far as I know and luckily I am not mourning the lost of them as friends, as I discovered they weren’t for me anymore and vice versa I guess. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to lose a genuine good friend you are lost without.

I’d be interested to know if anyone has found their best friend / friend soulmate in their 40’s. I’d like to think it’s possible. We’ve hopefully still got lots of living ahead of us, it would be amazing to find a great close friend to see us through the future decades.

@Newbeginingssameoldshite god thats not easy. I dont know I dont find people loyal now your dropped as quick! I tried hobbies etc but found people didnt commit on the app for walks so I just go myself. Its hard though

Are there any local walking groups? We have some, they tend to be run and attended by older people, but would be good for getting out, exercising and chatting.

There is but people busy as one works and commutes. My dd sport is 2 matches mid week. So Im gone 2 evenings. Maybe Im better with one to one meetups

I think for many women in their 30s/40s and beyond, it’s become harder to make and sustain friendships, as we work FT, lead on childcare and often shoulder the bulk of elderly relative care too.

I don’t see this talked about enough.

We talk about the weight of the emotional labour women do, and the economic impacts, and the health issues. But we don’t talk about the inherent loneliness of being a woman in 2024, when there are so many demands on your time that making deep and lasting friendships is an impossibility.

Before I had DC and became a single parent, I had a group of perhaps 8 or 10 really close friends - call on in an emergency types. Now I have 2.

I also had a wider network of friends I would see sporadically but consistently. I don’t have that at all anymore- nor the time and emotional energy to cultivate that for myself. And I find it terribly lonely.

Thank you for posting this @FloatyBoaty. I'm sorry to hear you and others are feeling lonely. A kind neighbour said to me that she thought I was lonely. It didn't make sense at first because I have a lovely family and am so busy all the time, but I think she was right. We moved to a new area away from the friends I'd made through DC's primary school and they're secondary age so I don't know the parents. I work full time and have quite a long commute so can't really socialise with colleagues without neglecting home life. I really miss having women friends to chat to regularly about everything and nothing and don't currently have time to fit in a new hobby/group.

That's fantastic @DaisyP22 hope you enjoy all your social events!

I was going to post about meetup.com too. I made friends in my 40's through there.

In regard to the question about meeting a friend soul mate later in life, a woman I met on a group walking holiday several years ago has since been on another group walking trip and from what I can gather from her FB posts she met a woman there and the 2 of them have become the absolute best of friends, and that seems to have lasted for around 5 years so far! They do a lot together, including holidays and UK weekends away. It's nice to see as even though I don't know the woman really well, and I don't know the other person at all, it really does look like they have struck up a genuine and lasting friendship and have a great time together. So there is hope! Just need to book a group walking holiday!

This is so heart warming! People have found romantic love at different ages, prehaps the same is true of close term friendships. 😍

I moved to a new town/region where I knew no one 6 years ago.

I met a few "school mums" but nothing bloomed past friendly acquaintance. During Covid I met the most new people through winter swimming on the beach - ironic!

Now 6 years on I have a great social network locally & many lovely friends.

You need to meet quite a few people to find your people. For me they came via hobby, feminism & volunteering.

Keep going & you will find your people.