Do you try to share time eqaully between your parents and In-Laws?

[StillWaters]

This is a bit of an issue in our family.

I have always tried to share things roughly equally and ensure both sets of grandparents get as much time with kids as each other and don't feel left out. Alawys asking one to go on holiday if we've asked the other etc and always asking them both over.

And I've done this despite finding my In-Laws deeply irrating, because they are my Dh's parents who he loves (but also finds irratating) and because they love the kids and the kids love them (currently oblivious to their irratatingness!)

I am close to my parents and enjoy their company but think this should not be the only factor.

Now, my SIL has had baby one year ago and has been on holiday with her parenst for a week and then stayed with them for a week and spent one night with my parents on the way home. My parents feel rather shut out and I feel quite hurt for them.

Also as the mother of boys, I am quite concerned that this fate lies for me, particuarly afer rading many posts with views such as 'it's your baby do what you like who cares about thier feelings' (paraphrased).

Surely we should also care about the feelings of others in our family even we if don't find them easy?

I know there are many whose In-Laws are so intolerable that they cannot and should not be endured by anyone, but I'm thinking more of the 'I just don't like them much' kind.

I think it is right that I should be addresssing this issue to my DB rather than my SIL and that his parents are really his responsibility.

The reality is though that often the female partner is the one that organises the family and makes arrangements and that men are happy to go along with plans made (maybe a generalisation but true of my DH and many I know)not right but true. And I guess knowing them I knwo she is the one to make the plans-definetly!

But I accept that it's up to my DB to take a stand and readress the balance -if he wants to.

'equal time' in the OP was proably wrong, fairness and consideration were more what I was trying to get at.

Meridan your ds is lucky to have 2 doting Grandmothers, focus on that, that is very special

Stillwaters-- as i think you know things always run deeper than that, we are going on holiday to vist some friends in California for 5 days before we vist my parents in Idaho for two weeks.. I'm excided but DS is very poorly, has an aful cold and fever, and he also has a bumpy rash on his chest that is possibly Muluscium Contageosum (sp?) so I'm just in an ever so slightly down mood... hope you get things sorted out in your family... hugs..

Families are so complex aren't they? I probably never will sort it totally, I guess sometimes you have to live with things not being how you'd like them to be.

Hope your DS gets better and you have a great time on your holiday

Stillwaters you're right. Men are less likely to analyse like women and also they tend to assume everything is fine unless specifically told otherwise (ie his wife isn't nagging him to visit his parents much). So this kind of emotional scenario is likely to have gone completely unnoticed! A quiet word might be good.

We only have my parents, sadly both pil are deceased. It is incredibly sad and poignant to see my husband enjoying watching my children enjoying time with my parents. My mum and dad are really loved by my kids but they dont see each other very often - approx once every 8 - 10 weeks - we live on other side of country. I know some pil can be nightmares but I think I have missed out by never knowing mine - big gaps are missing really in our family history - anecdotes about husband when he was little, for example.

Its tricky.. My MIL is fab with my DDs and does a lot around the house when shes here. Some people might find that intrusive but I like that she irons DHs shirts, makes dinner, babies the DDs, etc!

My parents on the other hand are invalidish and as a result a bit nervous around the DDs, although they do try. They aren't really capable of doing much helping out around the house, so I end up doing more when they come. They also live quite far away and have dogs they dont like leaving.

End result - as much as I try to keep the invitations equal, in practice MIL comes to stay much more than my P's. My mum in particular gets a bit jealous about it. Not much I can do about it really, its just one of those things..

Haven't read the whole post but interestingly an old lady approached my son & I this afternoon and said to me

'enjoy it my dear, enjoy every moment - as soon as he has a wife he'll be gone'.

It made me quite sad but to be honest she does have a valid point

Sadly she has got a valid point-just hope to get DILs who are family orientated and realise that their DH comes with a loving family.

I can't stand my mother and she did one thing which was the very final straw. My mother has seen my son for 10 days in 11 months and my daughter for 20 days in 3 years. And quite frankly, I wouldn't leave my children for a second with this woman.

I tolerate my father, who tries really hard despite being a real old fashioned conservative pro-boys/ignore the female children type of person. I only tolerate him because he REALLY makes an effort to change his ways. He comes over to our home every months, anything from a week-end to 10 days.

My in-laws are fantastic. They are always on hand to help out and babysit. My mum-in-law is the best. Which is just as well, because my parents are 1 step above useless. How on earth they managed to parent me really beggars belief.

My in-laws visit quarterly for about 10 days - so far example, will visit for Easter, we go over to their home for the summer bankholdays and Christmas and some time in between.

I think it's odd to make a very big thing out of trying to ensure each set sees kids the same.

My husband has done this and it has turned into an awful competition - on his side and now we see inlaws far more than my parents. Very odd seeing that inlaws are overseas and my parents are less than two hours away.