There are two routes to take here :
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if he refuses help, either medically or talking about it with you, and would rather brush it under the carpet hoping it will sort itself out then unfortunately it won’t ever be rectified.
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if he wants to sort it, and is willing to get checked out medically and talk to you about it then stick with him if he ticks every other box and try and support him.
At 35, it is most likely psychological, but if it is, it is MUCH harder to rectify then if it was physiological
next time you are planning on being intimate, tell him that PIV is off the cards, that should take the pressure off him and see what happens. If he can get an erection but loses it after a short period, he is likely worrying about it going soft and that will only compound the issue.
He might have a veneous leak, which any guy can get at any age, the blood vessels open to let blood into the penis, but the valves don’t shut or only partially shut so the blood flows back out. A Doppler at an urology unit will be able to do this test to determine if he does have a venous leak.
I’d ask him if he watches porn, and if so how often and what porn he’s into. If he does, ask him if he gets hard watching porn, if he does then it won’t be a veneous leak. If he does, it could be that the porn he is watching is very ‘out there’ and very different to PIV with you and therefore his brain is becomes accustomed to a particular type of sex.
Does he have morning erevtions? If he doesn’t then it is almost certainly physiological rather than psychological
Don’t be afraid of mentioning VE5’s or suggesting he tries one. Sell it to him as a fun little date night and see how his penis reacts. Unfortunately viagra and cialis won’t fix a generous leak, but a cock ring will do wonders as it artificially traps the blood. Just make sure he puts it on when he’s hard and take it off after 30 minutes.
ED can also be the first sign of more serious issues later in life, mainly heart disease.
I’m saying all this from experience, at 33 ED destroyed me, relationship breakdowns which led to depression. I’m diabetic and had Peyronie’s disease which was the root cause. My ex wasn’t supportive and it broke me. I took every pill under the sun, saw specialists and urologists and at 37 decided to bite the bullet and get an implant. Best thing I ever did and now I can get hard at a touch of a button, and stay hard as hard as I want.
if I didn’t take action, and if wanted to have a fully functioning penis, I knew I would never have a healthy sexual relationship if I didn’t take action.
my experience is the extreme version, but the same principle applies, ED rarely cures itself and he needs to investigate.