I feel really embarrassed and guilty to be posting here about this but I feel like I'm going out of my mind, I can't talk to anyone in real life out of loyalty to my DP but since we got together the relationship has been a rollercoaster and I need to make some sense out of what I am feeling.
This might be a long post so apologies in advance but thank you to anyone who can help...
The start of the relationship was incredible, I felt like I had met my soulmate. We have a lot in common and he treated me so good, we spent all our time together, had deep conversations about everything and I really felt I could trust this person. He told me he struggled to trust women after his past relationships ending badly and felt he could open up to me easy. He sent me flowers, took me on trips and made me feel so loved. I think that was the best I'd ever felt in my life as I just felt so wanted and loved, nobody had ever made me feel like that before.
A few months into the relationship things started to feel.. different but I overlooked them at the time. There were a few incidents involving what I just thought was insecurity and ignored this.
Since then there have been some issues that I can't seem to get over and I feel like I'm going crazy or that I'm the problem.
- If I didn't text back quickly whilst out with family or friends I would be accused of ignoring him
- Checking my location on Snapchat, screenshotting this and trying to trick me in conversation to see if I'd lied about where I'd been (I told the truth...)
- Accusing me of having people/someone round whilst he was at work if I'd tidied up whilst he was getting ready to go to work
- Telling me I am being hard work because he wanted to order a takeaway when I wasn't hungry despite me telling him to order one without me
- Getting in a mood with me when I was talking about an event at work that was away because I "obviously wanted to be away" from him even though I didn't volunteer or say anything to suggest I wanted to go
- If I ever raise an issue (like any of the above for example) he will say I've fabricated this to cause an argument or I am triggering him on purpose to get a reaction
- I was upset and scared about something (not relationship related) and he said there's always something wrong with me and he doesn't have any capacity to deal with my problems because he was stressed too and you feel you can't talk to me about things even though I ask you every day how you're feeling and I've never once told him that I don't have capacity or can't help him with anything you're struggling
- When I have expressed my feelings about him being hurtful or controlling, he says I'm painting a picture of him in my head that isn't true and I'd get a surprise if I was in a relationship with someone who was actually not very nice
There are more things of course but I am starting to feel like I'm the problem, it's always very hot and cold and I feel like I can't do anything right.
Please be kind I am feeling quite vulnerable. Thank you...