I've pushed him away. Please advise

[cherriess]

I've been chatting to man for a couple of weeks. Distance and busyness means we haven't been able to meet until now.
Through texting miscommunications , I asked him in a number of occasions if we were still meeting up the day after tomorrow.
He obviously got pissed off with me because he's text to say that despite him telling me on many occasions that we were indeed goi g to meet, that I kept asking and saying maybe we should leave it if not. He then said that maybe this is the best course of action.
I know I'm 100% at fault here . I have terribly hurt and have firm for pushing men away before I get rejected. I've really tried to take this man at face value and he seemed just so lovely and kind and funny.
I'm gutted . Probably because I've done this before many times .

I responded by apologising and saying that I recognised that this was all in my head and said I'd still very much like to meet ...
He hasn't responded yet but then again he never responds immediately , which is his texting habit .
Please advise.
Do I leave or at this now ?
I did not explain the ' why' of what I did.
I'm starting to explore this in therapy so it is timely .
I really thought there may have been something there .

Sound advice.

Miscommunication is really common when you're texting someone and don't really know them. When you're talking to friend by messaging you can almost hear their voice in your head and understand them.

Too much messaging before meeting someone, or in the early stages probably isn't the best.

Use this expeirence as a catalyst to work through some of your issues. Try not to be hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, we all have histories that colour our present and we all suffer disappointments.

You weren't wrong in wanting to firm up the plans for the date though! He is breadcrumbing you! Either keeping you on a back-burner, has no intention of meeting you but likes the attention or has confidence/self esteem issues that prevent him from following through - none of these are things you want to be dealing with!

Maybe I'm nuts, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to me to want to have a when & where established for meeting up in a couple of days.

I think bin him off, OP - it shouldn't be this hard.

You may well have tons of issues, who doesn't? But I'm not sure "pushing away" this guy was one. If he wanted to meet you, a time and place is kind of necessary.

This is stressing me out. I always thought I was anxious, but maybe I'm not. 1. I think you need to bin him 2. You need help around your self esteem/anxiety 3. I think he's presenting you as needy but... IT'S OK TO HAVE NEEDS.
Some (most) things online won't go anywhere. You've got a scarcity mindset and you need to start valuing yourself as that's the most important relationship.
You're a 10.

Thanks. I've unmatched and deleted . We text daily and I didn't bother today and neither did he so I got rid of him.

@cherriess as a timeline of how I met my Dp on Old - 1) he contacted me through the app 2) After 2 days exchanged numbers and what’s app 3) After 5 days of messages he wanted to call me so we did that 4) a few days after that we set a date and met the following week 5) 2 dates in he asked me to be his gf ( thought that was a bit immature but accepted
We’ve been together 4 years now but I had to go through alot of time wasters before he found me. Good luck!

Thank you. That's the ideal.
I'm almost annoyed with myself now for apologising. I can see he was a flake!
I wonder will his big ego take a bruise when he realises he unmatched . It might not do him any harm and it certainly makes me feel better starting a new week not wondering if he will arrange a date...

Please get some help to prevent this self-sabotage OP. You say you have no more capacity for pain, I can understand that, so help make yourself strong before any relationships.

I'm glad you've taken a stand with this man, OP.

It doesn't sound like he was ever going to meet you.

Onwards and upwards!

The once you’ve agreed to a day to meet, I’d expect plans to be firmed up nearer the time.

It would drive me mental if someone kept asking for confirmation. We’re meeting Saturday (for example) the exact location we can discuss a day or two before.

OP, nicely, I hav no idea if you or he were at fault because your messages are so confusing. So if this is your communication style, then you should work on that.

If you kept pushing him to confirm you were meeting, and he did, then yes, you were being weird.

If, however ,he kept saying, "yes" but refused to nail down an actual plan -lunch, coffee, drinks, a walk, dinner etc - then HE was being a dick too. It's perfectly reasonable to want to know where and when you are meeting someone, particularly the first time.

Yes in retrospect, he would not nail down a time or venue and at one stage said on a random weekend day... oh I've become free today, pity you're not !!
He wasn't married but clearly wanted a virtual f girlfriend so it wouldnt impact his full and busy single life .
I fully intend to work on this. He was kind of laughing at me when explaining how I had pissed him off . Think I swerved a wrong 'un somehow

I would continue with the therapy and forget about dating for now. In the kindest way your overreaction and overthinking of messages isn’t healthy. The poor guy seemed quite reasonable and your response was to cut him off

The poor guy has breadcrumbed me for weeks and when push came to shove he found yet another excuse not to nail down a date.
He laughed at my questioning of him as to why he wouldn't commit to a date and made me feel like a needy lunatic .

I don't understand why noone has pointed out that this guy didn't have the common courtesy to give a specific time and place. It shows a complete disregard for this woman's time. Gurl you are not the problem here anyone who is serious about you will set a time and a place at least 48 hrs in advance, if they don't you can give them one message something like "Hey I was just wondering when I'm going to find out if I'm actually doing anything with you this week I was thinking Saturday give me a time and place if so please as I'm unable to ask my magic ball 😜." If he's still flaky forget him and move on don't even reply.

He sounds like a twat.
You hadn't agreed a time or location?

He's a twat, its on him not you.

It was almost a year ago. I’m sure OP is over it by now.