Has anyone's ex actually stopped them travelling with DC?

[Triffid1]

Inspired by another thread and also quite a few threads in the past, as well as exBIL's threats to SIL.... has anyone's ex ever actively found a way to stop you travelling with your child?

I know lots of men threaten to refuse permission. And that technically, if you leave the country with a child anyone with parental authority has to give explicit permission. But in practice, in my experience, while you might get asked a few questions, no one is ever asked to prove that the father has given permission (in my case, the exception is South Africa which lays out very specific requirements around travelling with children including the need for notarised approval from the other parent. Or at least, it used to. I dont' know the current status).

So the sense I've always got is the bigger risk is not that you won't be allowed to travel, but that if your ex is a total wanker, he can contact the authorities in advance and some kind of hold can be put on your/your DC's passports.

Has anyone actually experienced this? Or, I guess, done it when their ex has wanted to take the children out of the country?

Yes I've known plenty of women who have stopped their exes taking the kids abroad on holiday.

@MagicLemon how? And why?

I've seen women on here terrified their ex is going to take their child back to his home country, never to be seen again. But when it's the other way round it is usually the woman just wanting a week in the Canary Islands or something.

(well, exBIL told their DC that he thought their mum would take them back to her home country and they wouldn't be allowed to come back. But that was just part of his usual manipulation - probably the single biggest truth about SIL is her 100% lack of desire to ever go back to her home country. She doesn't even like visiting!)

Nope it's just women who don't like being away from their kids, no plans to take them back to their home country just women who want to be with their kids 24/7 and will "miss them too much" or jealous that the dads taking them to Disney land and they can't afford to so don't want them to go, sorry to disappoint..

I assume that is by withholding the passports though? Not when you have the passports and travelling.

No OP, I haven't heard of anyone doing this but that is from my very small world. I assume they can call the police etc. I've traveled with my DC and I carry their birth certificates but I haven't ever needed them. I have never had a note from their dad either.

@MagicLemon but how? You sound bitter so I'm guessing you're either a man or the partner of a man in this situation?

If it's by witholding passports, that is one option I guess to stop someone travelling. Although I assume the other parent could just apply for a new passport and claim the old one was lost so it doesn't feel like a particularly powerful tool.

I'm neither of those actually sorry you seem to think it's only men that stop their exes from travelling, seems like you are the bitter one.

Actually, I just remembered a woman who did stop her ex taking their children. He took her to court. But the court upheld her objection - she didn't mind him taking them in theory, but at the time her children were 18 months, 4 and 6 and the ex was supposed to do EOW plus Wednesdays but was actually doing every second or third Saturday, usually not overnight, and she knew the two youngest would not cope with two weeks away with him without her.

The judge suggested that if he spent more time with his children a holiday could be a lovely thing in due course.

Um, in my OP I said, "Has anyone actually experienced this? Or, I guess, done it when their ex has wanted to take the children out of the country?"

So I think it's clear I get it can be women too.

I'm asking HOW. HOW do you stop someone from leaving the country. There always seem to be threats but I've never seen anyone talk about how this might be achieved. It feels like an empty threat to me (and I do remember a woman on here who was terrified her ex was going to take the children back to his home country that wasn't part of the Hague convention but she didn't seem to have any options to stop him).

Well maybe open your mind, men are far more likely to be stopped from leaving the country with a child than women are. I've seen women openly brag about how they don't let their exes take the kids on holiday. You only need to read threads on here to see some women don't even want their exes to have the kids overnight as they think they belong to them and "didn't have kids not to see them every day" many women don't want their exes taking the children away for a week or two and not seeing them in that time. It's easy as the RP to stop this by refusing to write a letter since men are more likely to be stopped travelling alone with a child this will affect men more than women, refusing to hand over the passport, refusing to let the kids stay overnight, calling the airport..

No, never. Also never thought to 'ask' their dads.

Good grief, what sort of women do you hang around with? I can't relate to your post whatsoever. I've been happy for my children whenever they've travelled abroad with my exes and hope they'd have a lovely time. (I've never written permission either, just like I have never sought a permission letter myself when I take the children away).

Happily I got a residency order before my ex did his disappearing act so I just take a copy of that with me every time we’ve travelled. Only been asked to show it once in 13 years of holidays. So he couldn’t have prevented me even if he’d wanted to.

Yes it's all women that I "hang around with" are you telling me you haven't seen threads on here from women who don't want their exes to have their children overnight? Let alone a holiday

@MagicLemon you said you've known many women who have stopped their kids from going away.
To answer your question, no, I've never seen threads like that on here.

And where did I say I "hang out" with them? Must not read many threads on here then as I see them often on here and IRL.

I’ve read stories on here where the female ex has withheld passports and not enough time to get another. I read another where the female ex called the airport to stop the kids leaving the country. They got past passport control on the way out of the country but when they got back, the dad’s passport was flagged and he was questioned.

Have you seen this actually happen? That a man, at border control, could not leave with his child?

I am asking HOW this supposed person, male or female, actually manages to stop someone travelling with a child. Your vague answers in which women are evil baddies who never let their ex do anything with the children are just proving my point - it's a threat that doesn't seem to have any teeth. No matter WHO is using it.

Interesting - I did wonder if the real risk was on return and with a flagged passport. It also seems to reflect my own experience in that I have always been asked more questions on my RETURN to the UK, than on leaving or arrival in another country.

I hvae seen the odd thread where a woman just prefers to be with her children all the time and so doesn't want the ex to have access. Usually she gets a well deserved pasting.

More often, I see women who don't want their ex's to have the children because they're abusive, controlling, violent, inconsistent etc. women who worry about the negative affect on their children. Women who have to pick up the pieces when their children come home having not had enough sleep, insufficient food, no homework, no bathing etc. Women who are frustrated that their ex is insisting on his "rights" but hasn't paid CMS in years.

And then of course, the many many women who are separated from their exes and have perfectly amicable co-parenting relationships who don't post about their exes at all.

My friend was stopped at the airport and taken down from the plane as her ex rang police to say she was kidnapping their child. He got a smack on the hand in court for that but there was no way for her to recover the annual leave, time and cost lost of it.

My ex and I had a court order defining when the passport was with each of us for the same reason.

I needed a notarised letter showing the other parent had given permission for DC to travel alone with me for some countries, even when we were still married, it was only checked ONCE but, if you get the wrong guy at immigration control, you can be in deep trouble so I was always careful to have the letter, and later court order with me.

If you take the child away without the other parent permission, they can arrest you at the airport in your way back if he goes to court over that UNLESS the residence order specifies that you are the resident parent and only need clearance from your ex or court if taking the child away for over 30 days.

Obviously, you can go and have none of these problems, but if the other parent is likely to make a fuss… beware.

I know two women who have preventing their exes taking their children on holiday by withholding passports and threatening police intervention due to nothing but jealousy and spite and no men who have done the same. It is possible for anyone to do this with their children OP. However, I think that most people are reasonable and wouldn't stand in the other parents way on this without very good reason

How? Via the courts. I am aware of a couple where one side has indeed stopped their former partner from taking their child out of the country (and by extension prevented the child from seeing one set of grandparents). The order is reviewable after a period of time - I think a year or 18 months - but as they've now apparently stopped honouring contact arrangements who knows where that will end.

I can't comment on the jealousy and spite, but that's interesting @NewNameNigel because thinking about it, I think where it has happened that I'm aware of its women withholding passports. It's not necessarily a slam dunk but a method, yes.

While men just threaten, often because they don't have the passports!

@NotAgainWilson that sounds horrendous.

I was stopped on the way to France with my son about 8 years ago (aged about 16) and asked for proof that he could travel with me as we have different surnames. Fortunately I had the necessary letter available from his father. Funnily enough they didn't ask for any evidence for the other 3 children in the car who all shared my surname even though 2 of them were my stepchildren over whom I have no legal rights and do not have parental responsibility!

One thing I can say is that courts are not stupid, if a guy or a woman doesn’t have contact with their children or is prevented from taking the children away, there are ALWAYS, very good reasons for it. There is no way on Earth that some one could stop an ex from having passports or contact out of silly reasons, there would be months (or years) of courts visits, CAFCAS intervention, a proper investigation and £1000s spent in legal fees. Being a difficult exW or exh simply doesn’t cut it.