Has anyone's ex actually stopped them travelling with DC?

[Triffid1]

Inspired by another thread and also quite a few threads in the past, as well as exBIL's threats to SIL.... has anyone's ex ever actively found a way to stop you travelling with your child?

I know lots of men threaten to refuse permission. And that technically, if you leave the country with a child anyone with parental authority has to give explicit permission. But in practice, in my experience, while you might get asked a few questions, no one is ever asked to prove that the father has given permission (in my case, the exception is South Africa which lays out very specific requirements around travelling with children including the need for notarised approval from the other parent. Or at least, it used to. I dont' know the current status).

So the sense I've always got is the bigger risk is not that you won't be allowed to travel, but that if your ex is a total wanker, he can contact the authorities in advance and some kind of hold can be put on your/your DC's passports.

Has anyone actually experienced this? Or, I guess, done it when their ex has wanted to take the children out of the country?

My now DH’s controlling batshit crazy EW has prevented the children going on holiday with their father.

She agreed he could take the children on holiday to stay with their grandparents (British who lived in France). She ‘approved’ the trip and ‘approved’ the flights.

He arranged the trip 4 months in advance and again confirmed all of the details.

The night before the holiday (at midnight) she email him to say she had changed her mind, the children weren’t going and she would refuse to hand over their passports.

The children were devastated. By this time it was too late to get a ‘specific issue order’ from the court as the flight was at 8am the next morning.

Its not as rare as you think and happens when mothers use their children as weapons.

My partner’s ex wife has done that as well. The only reason she gets away with it is because my partner doesn’t want to make a fuss. He could go to court about it but he doesn’t want to make a fuss so… we cannot have holidays abroad with his kids. But again, it is because my partner doesn’t want to make a fuss not because the ex’s have the power to stop the trips. 🤷‍♀️

One thing with The Hague Convention… it only applies IF you have a residence order to your favour OR there is a court process ongoing about arrangements for the care for children.

Otherwise you can take your children abroad and never come back without much of an issue, mostly because by the time there is a legal process in place and the international red tape acknowledges it, the children will be settled in the new country, the abductor parent would be by then the “resident parent” and no court would want to uproot the children once they are settled, going to school and ok under the care of the resident parent in another country.

There are very very very few countries that are no covered by The Hague Convention, and most of them are not even attractive for a holiday, much less so to go and make a living there as a single parent.

The only person I know who has this issue is a woman with an extremely controlling ex.

I had it written into my separation agreement that permission could not be reasonably withheld for me to take them away (and wasn't required at all to take them to the UK to visit family)

I do know someone who said they were temporarily prevented from boarding their flight because their ex-wife (who was actually travelling with them!) had a hold on the kids leaving the country, but when I asked my solicitor about that, he wasn't aware of any way that could be done (although he did have some glaring holes in his knowledge, so it might just be he'd never come across a split that acrimonious)

I never have any issue going abroad with my kids despite them having a different surname than me. I have never been stop once or ask to prove i am their motherany. My ex husband has no issue for me to take my kids abroad or my own country. I have no issue for him to take them abroad if he wants.

One of them pretended she was happy for them to go so her ex went to the expense of booking it. Said she'd give them the passport before the holiday but then just didn't and kept stringing them along so they couldn't leave the country. The other was at least honest about her intentions so that her ex didn't waste money!

I don't think anyone should be answering the question of 'how' on this thread. It might not be genuine, and even if it is, it might give malicious exes ideas

There's your proof that there are women who won't let their exes take the children on holiday simply because he is a man. She will "tag along" (whether it's the uk or abroad) yet if a man was saying the mother couldn't take the child abroad unless he "tags along" he would be labelled as controlling. It's not as uncommon as you seem to think it is.

Yes, that has been my experience as well.

When I married I kept my maiden name (long story), and DC have father's name.

When they were little, no one cared at all about us leaving the UK but on return we were questioned a number of times. I think the reason it was more than most people experience is that DC have a different last name to me.

@magiclemon I really think you're not understanding. I have conceded there are women who are batshit crazy and some have issues with their exes for other reasons. Other posters have given examples of these types of women - particlarly the batshit crazy ones!

I was interested in whether these threats can actually be carried out. It sounds like the sneaky witholding of a passport is one used by women in particular. Not nice at all.

@Coolblur I was genuinely asking as I just didn't see how it was possible and I had seen a few threads plus had a RL experience of an ex (yes, a man in the cases I'm referring to) using it as a threat with no real "teeth" that I could see. Bt you're right, it could give people ideas. Sadly.

Well I agree maybe we shouldn't be giving you ideas on how...use your imagination

I once risked France with my youngest DD. We switched off all the phones until we were there as he was tracking us. It was so stressful we've never done another holiday. He threatened me in court with it at a later date but not in front of the judge just via the solicitors. My solicitor said give him plenty of notice and he'd get a court order so we could take DD on holiday. We never did as I couldn't afford it and legal fees. I'm hoping to take her on holiday this year as she's now 18. She's been robbed.

A lot of these women are battling with men who don't bother with their children, have them once a week (or EOW) and then expect them to think a 2 week holiday abroad is a good idea when they have done little or no parenting throughout the year. Can you imagine the distress if you have a lazy/negligent/abusive ex and then taking your children abroad where anything could happen?

Women who stop fathers who are involved and caring is absolutely not right but generally there is usually a reason.

This is untrue. There is no such thing as passport control when leaving the UK. Passport control happens when you enter a country.

Passports are only checked by the airline when checking in and boarding your flight to confirm identity.

Even if passport control were informed for the inbound, they are looking for child and drug trafficking, not parents returning from holiday with their own children, so any concern would be easily resolved with no outcome for the parent anyway.

There are parents who leave the country, who never return with their children, when they have a passport and legal right to remain in another country. This leaves the remaining parent in a very upsetting situation because, legally, nothing can be done once they are living somewhere else out of the UK with the child. Hence why having children with someone who has the ability to do this is a risk.

I would love my ex to take our kids on holiday!