One day you'll actually enhance my life rather than fucking making me miserable.

[teacheroffsick]

What a thoroughly depressing thing for him to say to me. He refuses to consider a divorce. I have no job at the moment so I'm stuck with him. Feeling very fed up. Thought I'd just and share my world with you lot. Now I've written it down, I'll remember he said this to me.
It was because I turned the tv off after two episodes of a programme he claimed to dislike (he was on his phone) as I was heading up to bed. He told me that one day I'll learn what the word 'courtesy' means. I just left in silence. Everytime he is mean or belittles me, I think I will just get up and leave the room from now on. Maybe I should have offered him the remote but he could have asked. I just can't be bothered to even try anymore. He whinges at me all the time, everyday.

Could you give your children the spare room as their bedroom and move into their smaller one yourself?

If you talk to Women's Aid, perhaps they can give you a breakdown of the steps to follow, as a previous poster did?

Talk to your friend and get some advice. That's the best thing to do.

It's not a quick and easy turn around. Everything needs to be done step by step. It's hard, difficult and uncomfortable but it gets done, you get through it and six months later you ask yourself why you wasted two decades of your life with the shit head.

It's important that you claim child benefit to protect your state pension. So please do that today regardless.

Sounds fucking horrible.
Sorry, no worthwhile advice. What a twat.
💝

Luckily he doesn't need to consider a divorce for you to be able to. You can let him drag you behind him for the rest of your life speaking to you like a pice of shit, and choose a gaming room for the children over a seperate bed for yourself, or you can take steps towards making a change.

I personally feel that the risk of my children overhearing their father say One day you'll actually enhance my life rather than fucking making me miserable would be enough to spur me immediately in action as all the gaming rooms in the world won't counteract that.

Get on the phone to legal advice, whether this be your family friend or someone independent. I would think carefully about using the family friend, unless you are sure that word will not get back to him.

You will need to get hold of all the relevant financial information beforehand, ensure your savings are secure, find out about pensions, savings, any debts, mortgage, his earnings, rough mortgage capacity, examples of suitable housing for both parties from Rightmove, then get in front of a solicitor and find out what you'd be likely to achieve in a settlment, and from there you can work out your next move.

Yes it's ground you down and it's easlier to stay put because you haven't got the energy for the unknown, but no, you do not have to live like this, nor let your children watch you live like this. You deserve more and owe them more.

OP, call womensaid.

They are wonderful at helping you make an exit plan and point you in the right direction.

I am so glad I used them, and I am a single mum to a disabled child with low income.

Also, you're legally allowed to request flexible working from recruitment now for any job.

I have my own reservations about how that will work for employers advertising for certain positions however if you don't ask you don't get.

This means you can request wfh, you can request part time, you can request fixed shifts, it's all up to you to decide what meets your needs and gives you more power in deciding if an employer is right for you.

But it is rude to turn off a TV when you're leaving a room if someone else is there, and passive aggressive. I can see why he was annoyed. You were petty and childish.

Doesn't matter if YOU don't think he was watching it.

100% this! If it was the opposite way round all hell would break loose!
If this thread is true, he does sound a dick though, but tit for tat is not the way forward.

Abusers are bullies and they pick on the weak and feeble - they don't like to be challenged.
Seeing as she didn't call him out on his behaviour, stayed silent and just left, then facing it head on (if she hasn't tried this already) is an angle worth pursuing? She's keeping quiet to try and keep the peace, but the abuse continues.

PS. stick your eye roll up your arse.

I found that there was NO response that made him self-reflect. Ignoring him, pleading with him to show respect, being extremely assertive in my responses, being equally as insulting............................ NOTHING worked.

You need to shut up where you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re encouraging an abused women to “try harder” and try to appease him or reason with him. The only advice you should be giving is to leave. Shove your stupidity up your arse