Do I need to give up? 40 and dating

[givingupp]

I've just turned 40. And I've been dating for nearly two years. It's a constant stream of men pretending they want a relationship, then running a mile when we have sex or I don't put out. It's that grim.

I am really thinking it's time to give up and I won't meet anyone.

I am a good catch, but sadly rarely meet men in real life.

Really gutted my life has turned out this way.

[leli]

Sorry OP. I met mine at 50!

keep going. If you want a baby - go it alone to take the pressure off biological clock? (If you have support and can afford to).9

[ohthejoys21]

I wouldn't be having sex with any of them for a long time. That should do some sifting..

Of course you can meet someone lovely at 40. The only issue is he may have children which makes it more complicated/challenging.

I met my incredible dh at 39 online. It's the first time I've ever been lucky in my life.

[givingupp]

That's lovely. When did you meet? ohthejoys21

Online dating used to be a great way to meet people. It's a completely different place now, since the pandemic.

[Watchkeys]

I am a good catch, but sadly rarely meet men in real life

Why?

You don't 'need' to give up. You don't need to do or not do anything. Lots of people meet someone, lots of people don't. The more people you meet, the more likely it is, but there's no guarantees either way. Do what you feel. Sick of dating? Don't. It doesn't have to be a permanent decision. Sick of OLD? Stop. It doesn't have to be forever.

[SamW98]

@givingupp

That's lovely. When did you meet? ohthejoys21

Online dating used to be a great way to meet people. It's a completely different place now, since the pandemic.

I only became single for first time in my adult life in lockdown so had no previous experience of dating for 30 odd years but friends who were in OLD prior to 2020 say it’s changed beyond recognition now.

[Takethat4]

It’s a shitty phase atm you’re going through but you will meet someone.
Ive heard OLD is different now.
Don’t let any of those men know that you want commitment- but also don’t sleep with them. You have to use reverse psychology on them

[TheExile]

I couldn't disagree more Takethat4, that sort of game playing is really off putting to men. Despite the presence of lots of unsuitable people on OLD, I think it best to know your red lines, to stick to them and to be absolutely straight when dating.

[ohthejoys21]

@givingupp

That's lovely. When did you meet? ohthejoys21

Online dating used to be a great way to meet people. It's a completely different place now, since the pandemic.

Quite some years ago.. but I can assure you similar players/crap were around then, just the same. Be true to yourself and be led by your instinct.

[talkingteapots]

I feel for you.

Have you thought about an older man? Late 50s or even 60s.

They may not be as warped from living in a social media world.

[uhOhOP]

@talkingteapots

I feel for you.

Have you thought about an older man? Late 50s or even 60s.

They may not be as warped from living in a social media world.

She is only 40! What would she want with a man in his 60s?

[talkingteapots]

@uhOhOP

Just a suggestion, when you've hard a hard run age doesn't matter as long as they treat you well.

DH is 20 years old than me and our generation gap works well for us.

[Lookingforunicorns]

"Have you thought about an older man? Late 50s or even 60s.
They may not be as warped from living in a social media world"
Really. Don't do this. They are generally worse than the ones in their 40s, and many men age badly.
Better to be by yourself than lumbered with an much older man at a different life stage.

[SamW98]

@talkingteapots

I feel for you.

Have you thought about an older man? Late 50s or even 60s.

They may not be as warped from living in a social media world.

Seriously the over 50’s out there are some of the worst porn addled sex pests who have absolutely no idea how to speak to women.

Speak to any single woman in her 50’s who will tell you how dreadful their dating experiences with men the same age.

[Forfucksake84]

I agree OP. I will be 40 myself this year. I have only been single 9 months, but am so depressed every time I go on the apps. There is literally no one who looks remotely appealing. I have 2 children so have no bio clock worries but am terrified that this is just my life now and that I will be alone forever. I rarely even get to the first date stage let alone having sex with them....

[talkingteapots]

@SamW98

Point well made.
Didn't know this - as I am obviously, not single. X

[SamW98]

@talkingteapots

@SamW98

Point well made.
Didn't know this - as I am obviously, not single. X

It’s first time I’ve been single pretty much since I was 18 and honestly I had no idea how dreadful it is out there.

Think I’d rather be single forever than date what’s on offer.

Honestly the amount of men in their 50’a who think we want to see photos of their naked bits 🤢 or who have no conversation that isn’t sleazy before even meeting

[snakewillow]

I seem to have the opposite issue. I usually find ones desperate for a serious relationship, with talk of moving in, holidays and the like within weeks of meeting them, even though I'm upfront that that will never be happening from the beginning. I've given up now as people just aren't honest about who they are and what they want and it's a waste of time and energy.

[givingupp]

snakewillow I had one of those last year. Wasted 6 months.

[ELCismyspiritnana]

I'm coming to the same conclusion. I did meet someone a few years ago, but when we split it was post covid and its a very different prospect now.

I'm trying to get used to the fact that I'm going to be on my own but I'm only 42 and I can't lie, I'm very sad about it.

[LittleCarrot12]

I’m single though not looking to date as have children. I have single friends dating and it’s dire. There is a page to post guys and see if anyone dates them before and have and dirt. It’s so depressing. Only covers my area but there are at least 5 guys a day who are married/in relationships or background of abuse.

As a single parent the pool is even smaller as men think we’re desperate and will accept anything.

[wavingfuriously]

@SamW98

Seriously the over 50’s out there are some of the worst porn addled sex pests who have absolutely no idea how to speak to women.

Speak to any single woman in her 50’s who will tell you how dreadful their dating experiences with men the same age.

Edited

That is really sad..I'm 64 and was vaguely thinking about OLD but this puts me off..😌

[wavingfuriously]

@ELCismyspiritnana

I'm coming to the same conclusion. I did meet someone a few years ago, but when we split it was post covid and its a very different prospect now.

I'm trying to get used to the fact that I'm going to be on my own but I'm only 42 and I can't lie, I'm very sad about it.

for you 🌷🪻🌹

[happysundazs]

OP - thanks for posting this and you are not the only one that's wanted to give up dating.

I really wonder how women in their 40s and 50s find relationships. I've met some men I've liked over the last few years but it's never developed into anything. I honestly don't think many men want relationships after being round the block a few times.

I'm feeling a bit heartbroken today and fed up

[Googoodoll87]

Why is OLD a lot worse after Covid?

[occhiazzurri]

I would give OLD a miss other than for a few brief weeks when you need entertainment. I am now nearly mid 40, tried it in the past four years, and I don’t think I have met more than three-four decent people who weren’t relationship material though. I have a friend who continues and it js an endless stream of bad jokes and she hasn’t even managed a few short relationships as I have. Divorced men in their 40-50s are looking for casual fun and if anyone is actually looking for a relationship, I reckon they are off OLD on the day they join.

So yes I think you need to work on networking and expanding social circle and joining every possible group you can to try meet someone IRL.

A few of my 40s friends did meet their SO in their 40s but it was in real life - festival/farm, work or through hobby.

Other 40s single ladies I know have given up on dating altogether. I this is the case for the majority of single women past 40 due to their OLD and similar experiences. You can see for yourself from the dating thread.