Do I need to give up? 40 and dating

[givingupp]

I've just turned 40. And I've been dating for nearly two years. It's a constant stream of men pretending they want a relationship, then running a mile when we have sex or I don't put out. It's that grim.

I am really thinking it's time to give up and I won't meet anyone.

I am a good catch, but sadly rarely meet men in real life.

Really gutted my life has turned out this way.

Surely there are some more encouraging stories?

There are single people at every age.

I think OLD is hard whether you are 30 or 40?

Not sure if this offers any hope... I broke up with my partner of seven years last year. Around a month after he moved out I joined a dating app in the hope of fun and sex and nothing else thinking I'd be disappointed on all fronts and would delete the app immediately. But I met a guy for a drink and have been seeing him since. Seeing each other a handful of months now. He's really lovely. I think very handsome. He's a fair bit older than me in his 50s.

I think it's a numbers game.

I have never once met a decent single guy by networking or expanding my social circle. I occasionally clock a man being interested in me at work who I think are single - none has ever made a move. None of my friends have single male friends they consider good enough. I work out but don't gym so don't meet people there... There are never any at the art classes I do. I've never found it easy to talk to people at concerts, the theatre or cinema. The grand total of one straight man on a group holiday I did recently and not my type.

I like doing the above things. I don't think men are worth switching from things I like to hobbies I'm not genuinely interested in just to meet one.

Grateful I met a decent chap on online dating for my first first date in seven odd years but not hopeful I'd meet another!

@Theorangejuice when you say nobody at work has made the move, why haven’t you and why were you waiting for them to make a move?

If one sticks to female dominated activities/hobbies such as art class and is not prepared to change or expand hobbies, then you are definitely not going to meet any single men. Everyone has a choice ultimately but not having met anyone half decent on OLD, both I and my friends am faced with no choice but to try new things and networking in the hope of meeting someone.

@Theorangejuice

So you're basically saying that you don't go to places where there are likely to be eligible single men, you haven't been willing to change that, and you haven't met any men by doing that.

No shit. That's like hanging around a 'men only' group and saying it's hard to meet new female friends. The way you hoped to find a man by socialising would be good advice on how not to meet a man by socialising.

I understand this rhetoric but its not always true. Ive had dates from OLD and the 50 60 year olds want younger, i mean younger...or if they dont they have a lot of baggage. Or just want sex.
Its changed a lot, i think pandemic has made people selfish, i want now. Btw i dont put out for anyone until its serious...ish. giving sex soon isnt a gd idea atm. Youll get hurt.

I am almost 50 and met my partner online. He is kind and attractive. But sometimes, I just can't be bothered with making much of an effort. Is it my age thing? Is it that I can provide all my needs and have a comfortable home and pleasant older children? Is because he has younger children and a difficult ex wife who are a constant distraction. Anyway, just wondering OP if you should even bother?!

I’m in my 50’s . Had a rocky start with the app but realised I wasn’t ready and deleted it all. Went back to it recently and met a really great guy. Not saying this to be gloaty but I don’t think we hear enough about the success stories.

the week before I met this guy I was having really great chats and video calls with a guy I really liked, he ghosted me on the day we were due to meet. I was horribly upset but thought fuck it he doesn’t know me it means nothing.

you need a certain amount of resilience , you need standards and boundaries.

don’t go older btw don’t compromise and look after yourself

You don't need to give up, neither you need to rush to settle for one of those pricks.
See this in a positive way, now you got better background to detect the bullshit.
Don't rush, you never know. Enjoy your life as it is and work on your life to make it better as it stand.

@Watchkeys Yes basically. If I can't meet any men at the theatre, galleries, cinema, pub quizzes, pubs, the million gigs and concerts I go to... There are zero eligible men at these places. Why not? It's not like they are just female pursuits. No I'm not willing to spend precious time joining the local golf club to meet bang average men! It's a dilemma - or not, depending on your view. But like I said I've met someone decent easily on OLD. Maybe I'd change my view if I was desperate

Amen to this. How sad to stop doing things you enjoy just to go to new places to meet (at best) mediocre old men
Life's too short.

Yes, I'm not disagreeing with your point, I'm saying it's irrelevant and obvious. Not being willing to go to places where men go means that that won't be a good way of meeting men. It's a bit like pointing out that if you don't know how to use a computer and aren't willing to learn, OLD won't work for you.

No shit, Sherlock!

@Theorangejuice OP is looking for some advice regarding dating in your 40s when you are not successful meeting anyone on OLD despite trying for years. So suggesting to continue with OLD doesn’t really seem like helpful advice.

Other than pubs, the other places you mention are the sort of place you would go if you are a couple or with friends. I am not saying someone should take up cycling just because it is male dominated but there are other activities that one can join and enjoy such as hiking or choir. Two female friends have husbands they either met at choir or one at a festival but they now both sign in a choir. I think it is finding something IRL that you can enjoy and expose you to more people.

I just started dating again (OLD) for the first time in 15 years. As a 48 year old man, with 3 kids, I was worried, but i'm glad I didn't read this thread first.

My experience was quite good. I got matched with about 15 women across two apps, and went on 4 dates, and could have had more. I had an immediate spark with one (something I was worried I wouldn't ever experience) and progressed it for a month. In the end I had to stop as dealing with new ex wife, kids, and a new relationship where boundaries were being set, was proving too stressful, but i will return in a few months and i'm hopeful for the future.