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Original poster

Left and hung to dry after a year's relationship. What do I do?

27 replies

Brewandbiccies · 13/04/2024 20:47

I've made a thread previously about my partner's coldness and lack of communication. well things have got worse.

We've been on a break for almost 3 weeks with no sign of working things out. He continues to reject me when I reach out if he would like to meet up.

He says his mental health is bad and he has been feeling even worse since he announced the break. I've tried so hard to reach out and see him. Tbf I gave him 2 weeks of space (when we initially only agreed on one week) before I asked to meet up and talk. He's been going to work and going to the gym still. even got his hair cut.

My question is what do I do next? He clearly wants this to be over but doesn't have the strength to just end the relationship. We live about 1 hours drive away from eachother and it was always me going over to him. I have things in his house I need to pick up. But I still don't even know what the situation is. I have no closure and feel robbed and abandoned when he said he'd never do this.

He just doesn't want to face reality or open up on feelings or emotions whatsoever. I have the right mind to just go over there and get my things and not say a word. But it's difficult when i have been on an emotional rollercoaster for nearly 1 week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brewandbiccies · 13/04/2024 20:50

Brewandbiccies · 13/04/2024 20:47

I've made a thread previously about my partner's coldness and lack of communication. well things have got worse.

We've been on a break for almost 3 weeks with no sign of working things out. He continues to reject me when I reach out if he would like to meet up.

He says his mental health is bad and he has been feeling even worse since he announced the break. I've tried so hard to reach out and see him. Tbf I gave him 2 weeks of space (when we initially only agreed on one week) before I asked to meet up and talk. He's been going to work and going to the gym still. even got his hair cut.

My question is what do I do next? He clearly wants this to be over but doesn't have the strength to just end the relationship. We live about 1 hours drive away from eachother and it was always me going over to him. I have things in his house I need to pick up. But I still don't even know what the situation is. I have no closure and feel robbed and abandoned when he said he'd never do this.

He just doesn't want to face reality or open up on feelings or emotions whatsoever. I have the right mind to just go over there and get my things and not say a word. But it's difficult when i have been on an emotional rollercoaster for nearly 1 week.

emotional rollercoaster for 1 month**

OP posts:
dontblameitonthesunshine1 · 13/04/2024 20:52

you don't need to wait for him to end it just end it yourself. He has made it clear he doesn't want to be with you, move on

frozendaisy · 13/04/2024 20:52

Message him and say
"I need my stuff when can I collect it"

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2024 20:55

I have the right mind to just go over there and get my things and not say a word.

Yes, this is exactly what you need to do. Stop being a doormat, and stop being a passenger in your own life. The relationship is over, and thank fuck for it. He's an immature, cowardly idiot. Take control and stop wasting time.

solice84 · 13/04/2024 20:55

I'm sorry but the likelihood is he is using mh as an excuse and just doesn't want to be with you anymore
It's a get out card that get used a lot in these situations
Please save your pride , don't contact him and keep yourself busy
Trust me I know how much this hurts
An ex I was head over heels in love with ghosted me after an argument 1 week after mentioning marriage in front of my family
He ghosted me and we worked in the
same building
Tried to use mental health as an excuse
And was engaged to someone else he worked with within the year
It's shit but it will get better

FictionalCharacter · 13/04/2024 20:56

I'm sorry, but you're not on a break, it's over. He's just too cowardly to say it.
Go and get your stuff, tell him he's treated you very badly by ending it without telling you, allow yourself to be upset for a while, and move on.

MrsDoubtfire24 · 13/04/2024 20:56

Leave him alone.

beetr00 · 13/04/2024 20:58

@Brewandbiccies do you really need the stuff at his? Walk away.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-worth-6543764

samestyle · 13/04/2024 21:07

Hair cut and going to the gym, sorry but sounds like he's met someone else, I think the MH issue is an excuse to end the relationship. Don't chase him anymore, he doesn't want to get back with you and you shouldn't want to get back with him after leaving you in limbo.

Jk987 · 13/04/2024 21:38

'We live about 1 hours drive away from eachother and it was always me going over to him. '

What was his reason for never coming to yours? You are well rid.

SkaneTos · 13/04/2024 21:44

"I have the right mind to just go over there and get my things and not say a word."
Good plan!
Maybe say a few words: "I'm breaking up with you. Goodbye."
Then leave.
Move on with you life.

EverybodyLTB · 13/04/2024 21:51

You’re looking for closure from a person who is clearly not very emotionally mature. He’s more concerned with avoiding saying what he means, than putting you out of your misery and letting you move on. Maybe he’s manipulative and nasty, maybe he’s got no emotional intelligence - but either way, you have to grab the ball and physically put it in your court. You have to find your own closure. Stop pursuing him, tell him you’re done and tell him to box up and post you your stuff. Be done, don’t let him keep dragging out this painful dumping. He'll probably respond with something like ‘I only wanted a break for my mental health and you’re dumping me!’ But it’s just manipulation on his part, it’s why he’s dragging this out. He wants YOU to have enough and dump him, so he can blame you.

Psychoticbreak · 13/04/2024 22:13

I have been going through this for 5-6 months now. He is not going to change. I think you need to just cut your losses and I say this as a woman up until a few days ago was almost pleading for closure. It is heartbreaking but we need to look after our own mental health too x

Northernsouloldies · 13/04/2024 23:19

As pp have said,cut your losses better finding out now that he's a selfish dick.

Original poster
Brewandbiccies · 13/04/2024 23:54

Thanks all. going to pick my things up tomorrow and be done with it :(

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 14/04/2024 00:02

He doesn’t have to be the one to finally end it and allow closure. You can tell him if you want to move on from the suspended animation. Surely you’re done with him thinking he can just leave to you to simmer…?

Mmhmmn · 14/04/2024 00:03

I hope you do something nice for yourself afterwards 🌷 ☕️ 🧁

Southern68 · 14/04/2024 00:17

Just turn up and collect your things, and say on the way out, this is over, I hope you find wherever your balls have gone. Then block him on everything and have nothing more to do with the waste of space.

SheepAndSword · 14/04/2024 04:16

Why are you attempting to 'reach out' to this prissy little prat?

Get your stuff, get out. It's only been a year. He doesn't give a damn about you.

Spoonthief · 14/04/2024 05:03

Just read your update,OP.

Glad your getting him out of your life.

For future, just remember that if someone really cares about you and wants to be with you, you shouldn’t have to “reach out” to them.
It should not be one -sided in any way and if it is, you should dump and move on.

You should never have to chase a man. If he wants to be with you it will be very very obvious.
If there is ANY confusion, it means he’s either not interested or is treating you badly in some way.

Keep this in mind and do not over invest in someone who doesn’t deserve you.

Whattodowithit88 · 14/04/2024 06:51

every time you “reach out” your just shooting yourself in the foot. He doesn’t have the balls to say he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Your trying to save the relationship whilst he is trying to end it but your not getting the hint.

Collect your stuff and cut your losses, your going to get nowhere with him.

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 14/04/2024 07:39

Agree with other posters, this behaviour shows you he is a coward and you don’t want be with someone so incapable of having hard conversations long term - what would he be like when a real life crisis happened? Useless, that’s what. Go and get your things and block him - he’s been a massive disappointment and in time you’ll be glad it’s ended. So sorry OP - what a weak man he is.

SkaneTos · 14/04/2024 10:18

Thank you for the update, OP!
Good decision.

Maray1967 · 14/04/2024 13:44

Southern68 · 14/04/2024 00:17

Just turn up and collect your things, and say on the way out, this is over, I hope you find wherever your balls have gone. Then block him on everything and have nothing more to do with the waste of space.

Great response. He deserves nothing other than this.

Onelifeonly · 14/04/2024 13:49

Give yourself closure by messaging him that you're finishing it. If you can bear to abandon your stuff, just forget about it or ask him to mail it. A two hour journey isn't worth it - would he even let you in?

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