For me, as my username probably suggests, it’s a motivation to tell most people to LTB. Not that all men are bastards, of course. It’s just that so so so many women post here with horrendous situations that they don’t deserve and, more importantly IMO, their children don’t deserve. I believe that many women are out there not realising that actually they can very much LTB. Not always easily, but we can work out a way for it to be done and to change the trajectory of their lives.
I’ve had my own very shitty marriage and I now understand that my shitty childhood primed me for a ‘charming’ narcissistic cunt. I have a wide group of friends and most have been in or are in quite horrible relationships. We are all without exception better off as single mums. The only friend of mine still married is horrendously miserable and it breaks my heart.
I always want to (depending on OP, obvs) validate the OP, and call abuse what it is, but oftentimes I want to shake up the OP and push them to find their anger for the sake of their children. Having left my EXH, who I’d allowed to stay way too long ‘for the children’ and lived to regret it, I want to feel like I’m achieving something by telling someone else how foolish this path is. There can be an arrogance on my part, as maybe I deep down believe that what I say will hit the mark? I’m also guilty sometimes of getting upset and frustrated with an OP and being like PRIORITISE YOUR fucking KIDS!!!!
My own childhood just makes me pretty much zero tolerance when it comes to kids suffering. I can’t bear it when someone comes on with a new boyfriend/kids being treated like shit post. It sends me a bit nuts and I’m much less diplomatic on those threads.
I just sort of think, in all, mn is about the joy of sisterhood, in all its highs and lows. I can’t bear to see any woman asking if the abuse they’re suffering is their fault, or if it’s even abuse at all, I feel almost duty bound to tell them there’s a better way. I was out having a lovely long day and night with my real life friends last week, and when I woke up the next morning, a bit tired and nursing a strong coffee, I was straight back on here saying things like ‘you can leave, see a solicitor, think about how this is effecting the children, you don’t deserve this’. I’m a completely lone parent, with multiple kids, stressful job - I feel a bit like I’m authorised to say it’s doable.
It’s just an extension of the care and straightforwardness I try to give friends in my day to day life, and I try not to be outcome oriented in general when it comes to advising anyone. It’s about looking at something from an unbiased (maybe) perspective and giving honesty and fairness, whilst keeping it kind and non judgemental. Whether I always achieve that, IRL or on MN I can’t say….