Anyone else find relationships so bloody complicated and think they should just live on their own?

[Rainbow03]

I don’t know how people spend decades together! It’s not just each other it’s the extended family also.

In relationships I turn into someone else, someone unsure about everything.

Oh yes. I was in a marriage for 20 years. I am SO happy living on my own now. But don’t know. Maybe 1-2 years down the line this will change. But right now…no.

Literally cannot be arsed. I guess I’ve become “set in my ways” (the way I swore I would never be, when I was younger!).

The idea of having to take someone else’s needs and wants into account - sod that!

Well, they're not compulsory. A close friend of mine, now in her mid-50s, hasn't had a relationship by choice since her student days -- like you, she says she doesn't like who she turns into in a relationship, and she was saying that in her mid-20s, so it wasn't jadedness. She's led an interesting, fulfilled, very geographically-mobile life so far.

I don't even have relationships where you live apart as I can't be bothered with having to factor someone else into my plans or decisions at all. No way on earth will I ever live with someone again.

After 3 failed marriages and a few relationships, I've decided to stay single now. Better late than never, lol.
I'm far happier on my own, not compromising, not second guessing, not putting up with anyone else's weirdness, not putting up with financial control, laziness, physical and mental abuse. Yeah, there are good guys out there I know. But I'm too jaded now.

I agree, but I've been with my partner nearly four years now, we don't live together and it is just so easy. It is really nice to have our own spaces. More people should try living apart.

What do they say 'hell is other people'?

I agree

And yet we are a social species, that need human and intimate contact, the vast majority of us fit this descriptor in one way or another, whatever format that fits us.

So there is always a rub.

Live on your own then There's no requirement for you to have a relationship, and they don't suit everyone.

Sounds like you've only had unhealthy relationships.

I think women do far better than men without relationships. My ex is completely love struck & desperate to get back with me but if not he will get someone/anyone. While I have a number of female friends that are completely happy & content being single, loving life & making their own decisions.

I’m 2.5 years single & currenty havee no plans to partner up. My DD’s stability & happiness is priority.

I might meet someone down at the book club when my DD moves out but he will have to keep his own house🤣

I think women do far better than men without relationships

There have always been lots of men happy with the 'batchelor' status.

*bachelor

8 years single. I actually knew it's what I wanted about 5 years before that but allowed myself to be convinced I was too young to resign myself. Ended up shoehorning myself into a relationship, ignoring red flags because I thought the problem was actually me. Now going through Women's Aid courses.
I find people draining, even those I love. I like my own company. I can't imagine letting anyone but my kids take up any significant amount of my time ever again.

I too find people draining. Either that or I have to mask all the time because people generally want easy relationships, in my case anyway.

Relationships between compatible people are easy, OP.

@Watchkeys but what about all the other members of the family that come with the partner….so complicated. I’ve recently been diagnosed with Autism (I’ve always known I’ve been a bit different) perhaps that’s why I struggle with relationships.

Yes me because I keep bloody going for the same awful type. Unavailable workaholics. So need to work on me first. I was happiest single though!!

It is compatibility like pp said definitely.

The thrilling stuff burns out, you need someone with the same values and someone you like as a person, wants the same things. I believe that’s the key. All mine have either burnt out or realise I wasn’t attracted to them.

I just can't be bothered with it all now. The online dating, the stress of it all. I'll stay single and reasonably happy 😊

I’ve been in a relationship with a kind, loving man for 5 very happy years. I know I’m going to break his heart though, just as I’ve done with four previous partners. It’s not them, it’s me. After this, I will be single. I can manage family and friend relationships very well, but not intimate ones. Ho hum. I don’t need a relationship. Though I will miss his affection, support, steadfastness and cooking, and of course the sex, for me these things just never quite counteract the trapped feeling that ALWAYS creeps up on me.

Aren't their figures out there to suggest men live longer in a relationship than they do when alone? Meanwhile it's the opposite for women.

The issue is that successful relationships require compromise and not very many people enjoy compromise.

@Cantabulous Yeah I get that feeling too, trapped.

You only have to go to B&Q at the weekends and watch the bickering couples to realize that being single is absolutely the best !

I have autism too, and found relationships impossible until I met a compatible partner. Other people don't get foisted upon you by a partner who respects that you don't always/ever feel like seeing people. Nothing gets foisted upon you. Having autism doesn't mean your needs should be dismissed, or that they shouldn't be viewed as equally important. If you don't want to do something, then anybody who respects you will be respectful of that. Whether you have autism or not.

They usually have at least one woman that they are stringing along and getting girlfriend benefits from without giving much to her in return. The incel types are not happy at all.

Myself. With the years and after a long bad relationship I have realised that the peace I have on my own just works for me.
I'm not afraid to be on my own, in fact I'm not, I got my DD so I'm pretty busy all the time and happier, much happier that when I was with her dad.