I am like two different people: one that is super happy. Love my children (even though they are going through the teenage years), love my job, love my friends and love life.
Then there is me that's around my fiancé - miserable, sad, strict with the children, irritated, stressed.
My fiance has been miserable since I started my new job - had a quiet wfh job before but now I go into a big office with travel and I love it! Finally having a career after a 15 year career break!
My fiance always seems miserable around us:talks in monotones, always criticises my children (his have left home now and rarely see him), rarely asks about my day even though I ask about his. I am affectionate with him, but he isn't with me. I have to initiate everything. He isn't very loving. He just always seems in a mood but always super happy with his friends or at work. They alll think he is patient, calm etc. Every evening my children annoy him.
For example, tonight I cooked tea but after eating only had 5 mins to get back onto a work call. So my 11 year old offered to wash up. It's normally my fiancé's job as I cook, but as he was still at work and I was keeping his dinner warm, my son offered to help out. Unfortunately when I got off my work call, all hell has broken loose... my fiance was miserable (no change there). I couldn't figure out why. I received the usual one or two word answers to even my open questions etc. when he left, my daughter explained that she had witnessed what happened. He moaned at my son for not drying up. My son explained he had washed up so felt he shouldn't have to do his usual chore tonight and that my fiance would dry up instead. My fiance didn't like that. My fiance moaned that nothing had been washed up right and it was rushed and the dishwasher was loaded in correctly... what he meant was the dishwasher wasn't loaded as he wanted it but my son had rinsed the dishes and cutlery. My son had washed the cups and crockery fine but not the colander or masher. My fiance just moaned on etc.
I ask him if he's ok and he says he is fine. He looks depressed. I try everything to keep the home nice and keep him happy. But little treats he likes etc but he always moans and complains and it's bringing me down and it's affecting the children. AIBU?
My fiance had an affair 4 years ago with a work colleague and nothing has been the same since. He's always looking out for my flaws rather than realising that he is the one with the problems. I had counselling and it was from that I realised that there isn't anything wrong with me. I am gaslighted and in a controlling relationship with someone that gets miserable before I go on a night out. Then he is always an asleep when I come home even if I know he went to bed ten mins before I got back as the children tell me. Why does he play games? I stay up to see him and hear about his night. He just seems to avoid me. It's clear he doesn't like my children - he said it's awful to have to put up with the way they speak him in his own home etc.
what should I do: stay or go?