He’s left after 12 years and 4 kids.

[Lmlrts]

Hello
So me and my partner have been arguing and unhappy for a while. We have 4 youngish children. I am not perfect but feel on my part I have tried to make it work. Making him nice dinners etc, planning things as a family. The problem was (that I felt) nothing was ever his fault. If something upset me and I mentioned it he would turn it around on me and then bring up anything I’ve ever done in the past to annoy him. He never apologizes for anything. It came to a head this week as we had been arguing about something that he had said, I rarely bring up anything to him as I know it will get defensive but this meant something to me. He then denied he ever said it. It’s been going round like this for years and it’s draining, sometimes I think is it me?
It Will then result in him being in a strop with me. Looking back I don’t actually think he’s ever enjoyed holidays or anything with us as he finds it too stressful. But then he’ll say things like he doesn’t feel wanted anyway.
Anyway he said he was moving out and packed a bag, sat the kids down and told them he was going and then went to his mum’s. I get embarrassed that his family always know when we argue.
I just feel angry today that he gave up so easily and left the kids. I don’t really know what I’m asking but maybe how to navigate the next stage or what might happen next.
Feel emotionally drained!
Thanks for reading x

He’ll be back
If you want to make it work though you need to stop telling him when something upsets you or annoys you. Men will instantly see it as an attack then attack you back.
Show him what annoys you by withdrawing your energy toward him.
So he says something disrespectful, don’t complain or nag, walk off and go be busy with something else. He will know he’s upset you and want to fix it. Don’t nag, complain or tell him how he should treat you

Also , you seem to be ‘doing’ a lot in the marriage. That’s not your role.
He is the husband and should be the one ‘doing’
When he does come back - Stop doing all the cooking / planning / making nice dinners for him. Men don’t appreciate it, and will not respect you
To regain your power and his respect back, stop doing things.

@Lmlrts

INSTANTLY. the moment I got rid of him and knew I wasn't going to take him back no matter what he tried.

I was single for 3 years and it was the most luxurious 3 years ever. I only settled when I found someone who made my life better for them being in it. You've got this.

@TurtleCavalryIsSeriousShit

Glad I could make someone laugh. Jesus to think I married (and quickly divorced) that idiot.

@Lmlrts how are you and your family doing?

Hello
Thanks for asking! Honestly I’m not going to lie it’s been hard, bit of a rollercoaster. I think the fact I’ve had to see him a lot due to the kids. As always he is hot and cold. One minute nice one minute distant. I’m getting there though, it’s been 4 months now and I’ve had some great nights out and short breaks with friends. He has been out on dates. I sometimes wish I could find someone just to make this part go quicker but I know it will all happen in time and I would have gone through the right grieving process. Thank you x

@Lmlrts glad to hear things are going ok ish, sounds like you are doing well forging your new ahead in your new life.