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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fuming, please help me

43 replies

tiredandangry · 30/03/2008 08:31

I am FUMING, have namechanged as im also embarassed.
DH went out yesterday afternoon, it was meant to be for a few quiet drinks mid afternoon, but it got changed at the last min to start a few hours earlier and inlcude lunch. i was a bit miffed as it meant i had to cancel other plans we had. Anyway, he told me he would be back about 7pm. 7pm came and went and he did call and said he didnt know when he wold be back. Ive not heard anything since, he has not beeen home and his phone is off.
Ive just called his parents and hes not gone there, i dont have the phone number of any of his mates he went out with. Iva had about 2 hours sleep all night as ive been so worried/ angry.

He might be drunk and just crashed at a mates, but he shoud have let me know dont youthink?

or he could be with another woman ( he has had a affair in the past, and we did split up, but have been back together for a year or so.)

TBH i cant help but think the latter, i am fuming and i cant do anything about it.
What do i do.

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 30/03/2008 08:33

of course he should have let you know

he is being majorly inconsiderate

when he arrives home, you tell him in no uncertain terms this behaviour is out of order

you then leave him to look after the children and you go out shopping!

kd73 · 30/03/2008 08:34

Sit tight honey - sounds like he's been a s**t!

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

fryalot · 30/03/2008 08:35

poor you!

he is an inconsiderate twat, isn;t he?

He is probably pissed and stayed at his mate's house, that really is the most likely scenario, but I can't blame you for thinking he's off with another woman, especially if he's done it before.

I suspect that the only thing you can do at the moment is wait and see what he says when he does finally get home.

Try not to stew on it, you'll be righteously angry enough without giving yourself an ulcer worrying and fretting about him.

stoppinattwo · 30/03/2008 08:46

Any chance you can go out today.........lock him out and go and sppned the WHOLE day somewhere nice, put him out of your head, switch off your phone etc etc..........

BUT just to be safe check the hospital, I would hate to think something had happened and we are all on her badmouthing him

have been exactly where you are and it fecking hurts

stoppinattwo · 30/03/2008 08:46

here of course !!!

Original poster
tiredandangry · 30/03/2008 09:06

no, just checked a&e. Hes not there.
It does hurt, a lot.
I m not going to let him back into the house.
Hes not 18 FFS, hes meant to be grown up and responsible,. You cant just go out for 20 hours and not tell anyone where you are and turn your phone off.
PRICK.

OP posts:
ara · 30/03/2008 09:11

give him a taste of his own medicine and you do your own thing for a while- that's a really crap and cruel thing to do, especially as he knows you'll worry about him being unfaithful to you.

ara · 30/03/2008 09:12

ps isn't that awful that you feel you have to name change?? it's not you that should be embarrassed, it's him!

stoppinattwo · 30/03/2008 09:14

T&A...............you need now to put yourself in a good mood for DD's sake.

I used to fume and fume about DP going out and i would end up in a bad mood with the kids which upset me even more.

Get yourselves together, get dressed and go out some where nice for the day.

This will serve 2 purposes.

1 it will prove to you that you wont mope around the house while he isnt there

2 He will wonder where you are for a change, and hopefully he wont be able to get into the house and will have to sit on the step like a dog till you decide to come home.

  1. oh and a third.....have a good day and smile, they really arnt worth worrying about while you cant discuss it face to face. I would spend hours sooooooo angry without anyone to actually rant at because he wasnt there iykwim. It just eats at you. So forget about what he is doing adn where he is and enjoy a nice day somewhere

XXXXXXXX

batters · 30/03/2008 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScoobyDoo · 30/03/2008 09:22

Tiredandangry, he is being an inconsiderate bastard & if it was my dp when he does arrive home i would not let him in, either that or walk out as soon as he walks in & leave him with the children!

It's not hard to pick up a phone to let someone know you are safe & what your plans are especially because of his past record, this does not help the matter!

Try not to think the worst & just think he is at a mates, he may well be at a mates?

((hugs)) to you.

ara · 30/03/2008 09:25

i agree with scoobydoo - being pissed isn't an excuse for not showing your partner some basic consideration, particularly in light of his previous indiscretions!

OverMyDeadBody · 30/03/2008 09:30

stoppinattwo's suggestion is a good one. When he does come home he will expect and assume that you will be there. Go out for the whole day and ignore it if he does call you.

Try not to worry too much, just deal with it when you do see him. Whatever he was doing it won't justify not contacting you will it?!

I remember the pain when this happened, I called the hospitals and the police station too, went to his friends' houses, went to his work, was besides myself. He finally turned up at 4pm and his excuse was "someone must have spiked my drink, I woke up on a bench and can't remember anything". Yeah right! He's now an ex. What a twunt.

Eve34 · 30/03/2008 09:46

Hope he soon turns up with his tail between his legs? You have every right to be angery, hurt and upset. I would be mad too.

As others have said get yourself and DC out for the day and wait for him to surface.

Original poster
tiredandangry · 30/03/2008 09:49

Hes just called, said he was drunk at a mates house ,which is just 2 mins walk from here.
NOT LIKELY

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 30/03/2008 09:50

Is he still there then? Can you go there to see if his story holds up?

ScoobyDoo · 30/03/2008 09:52

So you don't think he is there then? is he walking home?

SpecialOffer · 30/03/2008 09:58

Now you know he is fine, could you go out for the day like others suggested?

Poor you, this has happened to me before, and it the worst thing as you go from being really worried to really angry!

Lotstodo · 30/03/2008 10:13

I'm angry and upset for you as well - he's acting like an idiot! If he uses the one that he didn't want to disturb you by coming home really late then doesn't he think that you may be awake seething worried sick. You shouldn't feel embarrassed at all and give him hell. If you are not going out then perhaps loud music, strong smelling food cooking and hyper-active children could be the answer and as much as I would hate it on a Sunday, there must be a couple of noisy children you've been meaning to invite over and now really is the only time!

Lotstodo · 30/03/2008 10:17

The others are right about you going out for the day - but only if it suits you and if he hasn't got a key then definitely!

LazyLinePainterJane · 30/03/2008 10:46

Do you believe him?

Original poster
tiredandangry · 30/03/2008 11:35

no i dont, in fact he isnt even home yet, despite calling 2 hours ago, his parents are driving all around town looking for him

OP posts:
Original poster
tiredandangry · 30/03/2008 11:36

no i dont, in fact he isnt even home yet, despite calling 2 hours ago, his parents are driving all around town looking for him

OP posts:
WallOfSilence · 30/03/2008 11:39

If he managed to make it to a house 2 minutes away, chances are he could have made it home.

I feel for you, but it sounds as if you have some support in your ILs.

tiredemma · 30/03/2008 11:41

Its very childish behaviour.

Dp would find black bags containing his clothes and a locked door whe he decided to eventually grace me with an appearance.