AIBU about finances

[Slothmonkey]

I can't decide if I'm being unreasonable here but mine and DH's relationship hasn't been great recently so I'm feeling generally a bit glum about most things.
I earn ok and take home £3k a month after tax. Our joint regular direct debits (rent, council tax, utilities and routine childcare come to just shy of £2500). I tend to pay everything as soon as I get paid and then DH puts money in the joint account later in the month.

He earns between £1600 and £1750 a month but repeatedly tells me all he can afford to contribute is £600 which is basically half the rent, nothing else towards any other bills, childcare, food etc etc. I know he pays half of the car and his credit cards but even still I assume he is left with about £800 each month.

With the money I have "left over" I buy all the food for 5x people and dog, any additional childcare needed for school holidays which is often £££, all kids clothes, all presents for kids parties, fuel etc etc. I am nearly always left completely broke and it's really getting me down.
I have repeatedly asked him to contribute more but am simply met with his response is that £600 is that "all he can afford".

Am I being unreasonable? Is his contribution in line with his earnings? Am I being unfair?

Sounds like you would be better off without him. Lower food bill, single person council tax discount and he will have to pay child maintenance. If you go on holiday don't take him. If your rent is £1200 how come there is £1300 of other bills? Are you paying high childcare bills?

Two of these children aren't even yours! Why are you letting him bleed you dry and deprive your child while being a skivvy to this man and his kids? I'd talk to the landlord and say you're giving notice. I imagine the landlord will assume it's a mutual thing. I assume you have no intention of taking his children with you. His arrogance and unwillingness to support his own children is breathtaking.

All the children are mine. He is father of the two youngest.
We have £500 childcare costs alone. Council tax is £227 and elec / gas £250 just as examples so it all adds up. The bills themselves aren't an issue. It's the fact he's so bloody useless with contributing that gets me.

OP it sounds like you’ve tried to take a really fair approach whereby despite you earning significantly more you both have equal amount for personal spending. How on earth he can refuse that is beyond me.

He’s acting like he holds all of the cards. Remind him that when you split he will have to pay all bills not just a contribution, and maintenance for the 2 children.

Speak to your landlord and explain the situation. Tell them you’d like to take the tenancy on yourself and can afford to do so, whereas he can’t. Then let them deal with it. If they refuse it might be that you have to stay/pay until the tenancy expires then move on, but it’ll take a while to get yourself sorted anyway so that works out.

You will manage financially with your salary, the reduced bills and the maintenance he will have to pay, along with the fact that he will have to have the children sometimes so that will ease your childcare costs (he can pay for those on his time if he can’t fit it around work)

He’s not useless and just not getting it, he’s calculated and deliberate in his actions. He does not want you to have a decent standard of living, he is entitled and frankly nasty. By the sounds of it he’s also a gambling addict. Don’t pool anything, get the fuck out.

You must be able to end the tenancy or take your name off it and leave him to end the tenancy. talk to the landlord- make it clear you’d happily stay but you can’t get him to leave so are going to have to take your name off the tenancy and he can’t afford to pay it on his own.

OP, your update makes it clear that he does not intend to support his family and pull his weight equally, so you know what you need to do. If that is his reaction then there really is no future in the relationship as you will always be unhappy and have no money while he does what he wants with his.

how can he say that you are bleeding him dry when you are paying for almost everything?!

I know it is hard to end a marriage and break up a family, but you need to look at this long term and it looks like he is going to resent paying for anything that his DC want. Also, he must be hiding something if he won't tell you where all his money is going

If he won't move out then start looking for somewhere else on your own. Talk to your Letting Agent about what happens if only one of you moves out.

Being a single parent will be a dream after this OP.

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/joint_tenancy_relationship_breakdown

You can get out and your freedom will be priceless.

He's in for a shock when his free ride ends and he will not only have to pay for everything on his own but child maintenance also if the dc live with you primarily. so glad you've made a decision not to be taken advantage of any more. bleed him dry, the bloody cheek of him.

How are things with you op? You sounded ground down but seems have a clearer plan now?