Is this normal behaviour from DH?

[Myleaf]

12 years together, married for 3. 2 primary school kids.
his mum and dad have a very weird and resentful relationship which I can only imagine is the reason why he behaves as he does.

whenever we have an argument, he gives me the silent treatment for days on end. I have got to a point where I just give it back now because I can’t be arsed with the hassle.
so for example, we had an argument last week as he’s been off work for 5 weeks without work. I’ve been paying all of the bills. I got home from work last week after going food shopping and the whole house was like a bomb had gone off. We argued, he sat in the living room sulking like a child. Over the next couple of days whilst I was at work he did a few “chores” round the house but nothing to cry home about. Continued to give the the silent treatment. Then, usually what happens is he decides he wants sex. So he does a few things extra round the house for example, starts talking to me a little bit more. Then instead of coming to bed late or sleeping on the couch like he has done for the previous few nights, he goes to bed at the same time as me and lays there and it is very awkward because I’m still mad. We have then argued at this point before, when I tell him all he wants is sex but it gets me nowhere.

I wish I could lay all of my feelings out but he is the worst person to communicate with and the majority of the time it gets turned back on me. So we’re in a vicious cycle of this. I feel like we’re just slowly turning into his mum and dad who live in the same house but hate each other.

No and that’s why I’ve said I’ve screwed myself financially.

If you've only been married for 3 years and can prove the deposit came from an inheritance you've got more of a chance of getting most of it back than if you do by staying married for more years.

Speak to a solicitor asap and ask about the inheritance etc, find out your rights. The longer you stay the more screwed you will be. The more screwed you are the less options you have to protect the children.

Even if you decide to stay, please decide from a position of knowledge.

But even if it meant losing 50K, some might call it a cheap price for freedom and happiness. Someone once called it a happiness tax, if you stayed for another twenty years your tax would be £5K a year. Surely it's worth paying £5K annually to be free and happy?

I think the fact you were only 18 is definitely relevant in that you've grown up now and have recognised the behaviour for what it is. You are no longer that barely adult young person having a baby, dependent on him because you don't see any other option. Our 20's are such a formative time in becoming an adult and learning who we are. That's what's changed for you. Start thinking - what do you want your 30's and 40's to be like. Surely its not more of this?

There are SO MANY threads about men using the silent treatment to control women. Do a search - 'sulking' comes up a LOT. And the nice/nasty cycle, which you are getting as well, so that he can get sex. He's choosing to behave like this. Don't blame it all in his upbringing -we can choose to be better if we want to.

Agree with other posters that you kids will not be blissfully unaware that he's doing this. I could feel the atmosphere as a child without anything being said. The tension in the room and the unpleasant, unsettling sense of something being 'off'. Dad being excessively nice to us whilst ignoring Mum and not answering when spoken to. Mum pretending everything was fine and talking in a weird 'jolly' voice to us that sounded totally insincere. We knew something was wrong.

I get it. I can become v annoyed with all the “LTB”s we see on here. It often would mean financial hardship, moving home, moving schools, kids being split. So easy for people to yell LTB - let them be in your shoes and see how tough they are then.

With respect @Myleaf I think the age gap does have a relevance in your marriage. Lots of men go for younger women as they think they'll be more naive, more ready to go along with a man's way of doing things. I wonder if your increased frustration and his sulking are to do with you maturing and speaking up for yourself, you're not 18 anymore, you're a grown DW and DM with a mind of her own.
He's a terrible communicator, his DP's taught him that, now he's teaching it to your DC. He won't do counselling, he leaves nearly everything to you and thinks washing the dishes will earn him sex. You're going to get more and more resentful Op, do you want that life?

Financially the sooner you do it the better....this is no way to live .. statistically you have at least 50 more years at least to live.... Why would you do this to yourself??

Your earning power has increased over this period.. as you say you are less dependent now and actually main breadwinner at the moment
So could potentially increase more ...

Do you really see him as a partner....the older the dc get the more they will think this is the norm.. and the more impact it will have on them..does he recognise the impact of his parents relationship on himself?
If he has insight then maybe you make counselling a non negotiable to establish better communications and development... because of the impact on the dc?
If he flat refuses...then I think theres not many options left...

This all sounds so, so grim OP. He is abusive and you are teaching your children that it's ok for their Dad to give their Mum the silent treatment for days on end. Do you want them to grow up thinking this is the norm?
From your description of his behaviour I honestly can't see anything good that he brings to your relationship. You are young, please separate and live your life without this drain of a man.