Page 3 | Anyone find it tough in relationship where you don't yet live together?

loveyoutothemoon · 2024-04-07T18:26:48+00:00

I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months. Never believed in soul mates or twin flames etc but I believe that this is the case here. He treats me so well and we're deeply in love, he has a heart of gold and never had a connection like this. We are definitely enjoying this stage but tonight when he's gone I feel like my right arm is missing. We have tentatively spoke about moving in together when the kids are older (mine are late teens, his mid teens) as we don't live very close so would disrupt them all if we did it now, plus I don't think either of us are interested in blending families. I know people will be saying just enjoy your time and things might change when you move in together etc and I'm not really looking for advice, just some similar stories from people and just to share feelings. Thanks.

Secondstart1001 · 08/04/2024 17:02

This post has given me hope as I thought my situation was not normal due to DP and I not living together all of the time. It’s complicated when older kids are involved so been taking that on board. I do feel really shit today however we have things booked like holidays as well as weekends at home / going out … just spending quality time . Hopefully he will be living with me in a year, it really can’t come soon enough!

Loubelou14 · 08/04/2024 17:54

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2024 15:01

My apologies. What a tough situation for you, could it help maybe if you talk about it to him, might not change the situation but help you release some tension around it. I don't blame you for wanting to be like a normal couple.

I could be in a similar situation where things might not change even after a few years. Sometimes I don't have a weekend with him for weeks (although I'll see him in the week sometimes), but this is something I have to deal with as I love him and he's amazing.

Do you have your own house? Difficult when you both enjoy where you live. I'd move from here tomorrow if I could (renting) and he is happy where he is (owned) 20 miles away but he'd have me there if I could.

Show quote history

You're having a tough time too. I'm so sorry to hear that. Yes we both own plus I'd have to consider my children's inheritance if we were to live together. It's what would happen if something happened to me and my kids still lived with us. Where would he live, who would inherit. No romance about it second time round is there lol.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2024 19:36

Loubelou14 · 08/04/2024 17:54

You're having a tough time too. I'm so sorry to hear that. Yes we both own plus I'd have to consider my children's inheritance if we were to live together. It's what would happen if something happened to me and my kids still lived with us. Where would he live, who would inherit. No romance about it second time round is there lol.

Show quote history

Thank you.

Sounds complicated, hope you can sort something out.

Oh of course, there's a lot to consider isn't there. Stuff you probably don't think about too.

It is different yes. We always said we would have loved to had kids together if we'd met 20 years ago. Saying that being in a great relationship now has its plus points, we enjoy our alone time when we get it. I'd rather have this than what I had with my abusive ex (my kids dad).

OP posts:

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2024 19:38

Secondstart1001 · 08/04/2024 17:02

This post has given me hope as I thought my situation was not normal due to DP and I not living together all of the time. It’s complicated when older kids are involved so been taking that on board. I do feel really shit today however we have things booked like holidays as well as weekends at home / going out … just spending quality time . Hopefully he will be living with me in a year, it really can’t come soon enough!

I'm sorry you're suffering. How exciting for you! 😍

OP posts:

Imustgoforarun · 08/04/2024 19:44

Nearly 9 years for us. Kids, university and work. We are finally putting our houses on the market to live together. He would have done it years ago. I didn’t want to upset the status quo. We see each other once a week, every weekend and all holidays. It’s lovely, no chores or boredom as to who puts the bin out. We both go out with our friends, kids etc. Embrace it. Plan lots of lovely things with him. But enjoy your time with your kids. It isn’t for ever.

PermanentTemporary · 08/04/2024 19:52

Dp and I moved in together 3 months ago to a house we bought together after just over 3 years together- it's ds's second year at university now.

I enjoyed every bit of my time living alone and wished in some ways it could have been longer, but we'd also reached the point of finding our partings every week increasingly hard. I was lonely and a bit nervous (I moved in before dp did). I also knew that dp is absolutely equal in doing chores - tbh if anything he does more than I do.

I'm loving being together more. It's different but I'm really loving it.

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2024 20:12

Imustgoforarun · 08/04/2024 19:44

Nearly 9 years for us. Kids, university and work. We are finally putting our houses on the market to live together. He would have done it years ago. I didn’t want to upset the status quo. We see each other once a week, every weekend and all holidays. It’s lovely, no chores or boredom as to who puts the bin out. We both go out with our friends, kids etc. Embrace it. Plan lots of lovely things with him. But enjoy your time with your kids. It isn’t for ever.

That's brilliant you're finally doing it and good for you concentrating on your family.

I agree, what's a few years in the grand scheme of things.

OP posts:

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 08/04/2024 20:18

PermanentTemporary · 08/04/2024 19:52

Dp and I moved in together 3 months ago to a house we bought together after just over 3 years together- it's ds's second year at university now.

I enjoyed every bit of my time living alone and wished in some ways it could have been longer, but we'd also reached the point of finding our partings every week increasingly hard. I was lonely and a bit nervous (I moved in before dp did). I also knew that dp is absolutely equal in doing chores - tbh if anything he does more than I do.

I'm loving being together more. It's different but I'm really loving it.

You're finally doing it. Must be a good feeling knowing that you've done it slowly and thought of your family.

It is hard isn't it when you part and I'll likely find it harder as time goes on.

I feel the same about my DP in that I'm 100% confident he'll step up.

It's lovely that you're enjoying being together more, I suppose it's strengthened your relationship even more?

OP posts:

80s · 08/04/2024 21:14

We've been living about 45 minutes apart for over 7 years. He has a now 14yo who's already been moved in with 2 other of her mum's partners and it did not go too well. I was enjoying having my own space/independence after 20 years with my ex, and not looking for anything serious, so we were all happier not even considering moving in together. But 7 years later, my children have both moved to another town and it's become pretty clear that we get on well, so we've vaguely been thinking about it at some point.

In any case I've had plenty of opportunities to enjoy the advantages of being apart. We are both used to cooking and cleaning for ourselves, and cook one another meals on visits, which I hope would continue now it's become a habit. My ex was far too important and busy to do any such lowly stuff so I appreciate it.
And we both have our own lives and friends, and do things separately in our free time. I know that's possible even if you live together, but it's been good for me to not let things slip.
Another plus is that when we meet up, we sit and talk together, have a drink, go out together, rather than one person hardly looking up from the TV when the other comes home. Again, I hope that would continue.
It's also just given me plenty of time to check that yes, we do get on really well. We meet up about 2 days a week, so at 7 years we've effectively spent 2 full years together :)

Tbh, if I was feeling lonely after a day without my dp, though, I'd be a bit worried that I was overly dependent on his presence. I know it's nice to be so keen, but if I relied entirely on him for support I'd be worried that I wanted to move in for the wrong reasons. (This may not apply to you obviously.)

Original poster

loveyoutothemoon · 09/04/2024 16:35

80s · 08/04/2024 21:14

We've been living about 45 minutes apart for over 7 years. He has a now 14yo who's already been moved in with 2 other of her mum's partners and it did not go too well. I was enjoying having my own space/independence after 20 years with my ex, and not looking for anything serious, so we were all happier not even considering moving in together. But 7 years later, my children have both moved to another town and it's become pretty clear that we get on well, so we've vaguely been thinking about it at some point.

In any case I've had plenty of opportunities to enjoy the advantages of being apart. We are both used to cooking and cleaning for ourselves, and cook one another meals on visits, which I hope would continue now it's become a habit. My ex was far too important and busy to do any such lowly stuff so I appreciate it.
And we both have our own lives and friends, and do things separately in our free time. I know that's possible even if you live together, but it's been good for me to not let things slip.
Another plus is that when we meet up, we sit and talk together, have a drink, go out together, rather than one person hardly looking up from the TV when the other comes home. Again, I hope that would continue.
It's also just given me plenty of time to check that yes, we do get on really well. We meet up about 2 days a week, so at 7 years we've effectively spent 2 full years together :)

Tbh, if I was feeling lonely after a day without my dp, though, I'd be a bit worried that I was overly dependent on his presence. I know it's nice to be so keen, but if I relied entirely on him for support I'd be worried that I wanted to move in for the wrong reasons. (This may not apply to you obviously.)

Thank you for your story. Sounds like a good basis for moving in together, I wish you well!

I don't get lonely ever but I do miss him lots.

This thread has helped me put things into perspective, thanks all.

OP posts: