Deeply in love

[SelfSabatage]

I'm deeply in love with someone I've had a three month relationship with. They need a break due to outside influences.

Should I date other people whilst I wait in hope that they will see me again?

Move on. They don’t feel the same about you. Don’t devalue yourself.

People may take a break after a row, or debates about a relationship's future ("can only stay together if you can move to X with me"). People do not take a break otherwise from someone who they see a long-term future with.

Move on and forget about them, they have already left you and thought calling it break was polite.

Move on, don't be stuck waiting on them, only to find they have moved on with someone else.

Deeply in love seems intense after 3 months of dating and would be a red flag for me? Do you feel you know them well enough to deeply love them? It sounds quite suffocating.

"Deeply in love" people would not be willing to date other people, they would need to heal from the breakup of the relationship that they didn't choose to end. If you're happy to start dating, or feel the need to date, I would question whether you have been "deeply in love".

Or are you wanting to make him jealous and see what he is letting go in the hope he will change his mind? He won't and you will end up looking cheap.

Deeply in love after 3 months - really??

Tbh sounds like he doesn’t feel the same and is making an excuse to plan his escape route.

Maybe you’re too intense for him if you’re this deep after a few weeks.

Maybe rather than jump into dating others, take time to understand why you get attached so quickly.

“CrunchingNumbers · Today 11:15
"Deeply in love" people would not be willing to date other people, they would need to heal from the breakup of the relationship that they didn't choose to end. If you're happy to start dating, or feel the need to date, I would question whether you have been "deeply in love".

Or are you wanting to make him jealous and see what he is letting go in the hope he will change his mind? He won't and you will end up looking cheap.”

Sorry you’re in this position (and I do think it’s possible to feel very deeply for someone within 3 months) but I do agree with this. I think you’re better off spending a bit of time single and focussing on activities which you enjoy and healing your disappointment and pain before getting into anything else.

Thank you. They have left their going out shoes at my house. We were two very passionate people.

I take in what you have said about moving on but I can't just yet, I will get in more of a tangle if I moved on to someone else.

I'm going to stay single for the moment and take time to enjoy time alone. I have a good friends network to help me through.

In three or four months I will update.

I personally wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of being dated in the mean time in the hope that someone's real interest will someday change their mind.

Are you an adult? Are you actually viewing the fact that they left a pair of shoes at your house as evidence that they’re still inwardly committed to you, despite these pesky ‘outside influences’?

They don't appear to be deeply in love with you, though.
I'm sorry you're upset.

You could be leaving someone else in exactly that situation if he clicks his fingers and you drop them like a hot potato, perhaps his ex wanted a break and he met you and he's now been allowed back to work things out while keeping you on a break in case it doesn't work out or maybe he's met someone else and is seeing where it will go before completing closing the door.
Either way I'd let him go because if a man wants to be with you he won't let you walk away.

What are the "outside influences"?

Can I ask what outside influences you mean?

You are very wise to stay single for a while, OP. It sounds as though you fell hard for this person, but they’re overwhelmed and backing off a bit.

Outside influences aren’t usually enough to break up a loving relationship, so don’t pin your hopes on reviving this one. But try to clear your mind and be open to other good things.

I stupidly overshared information about us to what I thought was a neutral friend who took it upon herself to volunteer her opinion on our relationship. I shared these vitriolic messages with my partner when really just should have been immediately deleted.

why did your friend have such a "victriolic" opinion?
Is he married, OP?

My best guess is that they were trying to be protective of me, but it came out in a nasty fashion with phrases such as the person being money grabbing etc. They have never been married. I haven't spoken to them since. I've been devastated by this.

Hmm. I’m struggling to see why the opinion of an individual friend, however ‘vitriolic’, would make one person feel the needed to end it. Unless the ‘neutral friend’ was actually correct about the relationship, and he recognised this?

So the friend accused your boyfriend of being money-grabbing, and you showed the messages to him, and he ended the relationship?

I don’t get why this would cause your bf to want a break from you and think it’s more likely a convenient get out excuse tbh.

So you essentially wanted to talk about the relationship when he wanted to keep you a secret.

Not the best of starts.

1. Probably just forgot where they left their shoes.
2. People are not usually "vitriolic" about decent humans, thia should give you pause for thought.
3. Decent people do not usually dump someone for something their friend said.

i recommend that you go out with the friend, they may be a good steer for you on picking good partners.

It does seem like quite a trivial reason to leave the relationship, was that the external influences, as you've said its your 'best guess'...have they actually give you any reason for the break or are you left to working things out? Have you had a chance to talk over why it's ended?

Was your partner a woman, OP?