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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Deeply in love

45 replies

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 09:59

I'm deeply in love with someone I've had a three month relationship with. They need a break due to outside influences.

Should I date other people whilst I wait in hope that they will see me again?

OP posts:
Kapaj · 06/04/2024 17:14

The OP could be a man, not sure it matters.

Charlottedancer · 06/04/2024 17:26

Kapaj · 06/04/2024 17:14

The OP could be a man, not sure it matters.

The devil's in the detail

Kapaj · 06/04/2024 17:30

@Charlottedancer Please enlighten me.

Wooloohooloo · 06/04/2024 17:31

Why have you avoided mentioning their sex? Seems odd.

opentoadvice88 · 06/04/2024 17:34

Moved on after some time single.

If he felt the same way he wouldn’t want a break regardless of any influences let alone the weak one you have described. Maybe he was looking for an excuse to end it. Sorry OP.

User135644 · 06/04/2024 17:35

You can't be that much in love if you're thinking of dating other men.

Uncomfortablybum · 06/04/2024 17:36

Kapaj · 06/04/2024 17:30

@Charlottedancer Please enlighten me.

Details matter??

BrownDoorBlack · 06/04/2024 17:37

Kapaj · 06/04/2024 17:14

The OP could be a man, not sure it matters.

I think it could be a man, and I do think it would matter/make a difference.

Daz57 · 06/04/2024 17:38

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 11:34

Thank you. They have left their going out shoes at my house. We were two very passionate people.

I take in what you have said about moving on but I can't just yet, I will get in more of a tangle if I moved on to someone else.

I'm going to stay single for the moment and take time to enjoy time alone. I have a good friends network to help me through.

In three or four months I will update.

Left his going out shoes? Is that a sign?!

Charlottedancer · 06/04/2024 17:40

Wooloohooloo · 06/04/2024 17:31

Why have you avoided mentioning their sex? Seems odd.

A lot of pp have used the term boyfriend. The 'going out shoes' and label of money grabber just seems strange.

Original poster
SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 18:38

Paddypump · 06/04/2024 16:36

It does seem like quite a trivial reason to leave the relationship, was that the external influences, as you've said its your 'best guess'...have they actually give you any reason for the break or are you left to working things out? Have you had a chance to talk over why it's ended?

Edited

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

OP posts:
GRex · 06/04/2024 18:44

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 18:38

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

Show quote history

This person has said to you, in effect:
"I found you hard work, so I'm going to shag around a while and not talk with you regardless of how much this hurts you. I expect you to hold on pining for me just in case I decide to sleep with you again. It IS actually your fault, just to be clear."

In your head, you have turned this into:
"There there, I'll come back, don't move on."

GET SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF FFS!

Salaaaaaaaah · 06/04/2024 18:54

Daz57 · 06/04/2024 17:38

Left his going out shoes? Is that a sign?!

Show quote history

Messiah?

Paddypump · 06/04/2024 19:10

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 18:38

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

Show quote history

It sounds like it's been on hold, did you feel comfortable asking how long this regroup may take? Or whether either of you would be dating others in the interim? Communication doesn't sound very open and you seem unsure of what has gone on or what the expectations are.

opentoadvice88 · 06/04/2024 21:20

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 18:38

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

Show quote history

Nah, if they want to be with you they will be.

It really is that simple.

SamW98 · 06/04/2024 21:40

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 18:38

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

Show quote history

No one needs to pause and regroup 3 months into a relationship- it’s his get out clause.

Accept you had a passionate fling and it’s over and move on. Though don’t use other people to try and play ‘pick me’ games to try and get a.reaction. That’s crap behaviour

Yoe · 06/04/2024 21:45

SelfSabatage · 06/04/2024 11:34

Thank you. They have left their going out shoes at my house. We were two very passionate people.

I take in what you have said about moving on but I can't just yet, I will get in more of a tangle if I moved on to someone else.

I'm going to stay single for the moment and take time to enjoy time alone. I have a good friends network to help me through.

In three or four months I will update.

My dear sounds like you have come up with an excellent plan of action … look after you … don’t wait around for someone as it closes the door to other potential wonderful relationships just a thought

Watchkeys · 06/04/2024 22:08

Healthy relationships don't need breaks to relieve intensity. A healthy relationship wouldn't have you posting here. People in love don't entertain the idea of dating, or planning to date others. People in love aren't in love after 3 months of dating.

How are you at being single? Do you enjoy your own company?

Ilovemyshed · 06/04/2024 22:23

Crikey, what an overly dramatic situation you have made.

BrownDoorBlack · 06/04/2024 23:17

have had feedback as it were, and i read it that it is a pause of the
relationship, to regroup from such an intensive 3 months. some
relationships are more intense than others.. and this was full on.

Good grief, regrouping, sounds more like a military SAS operation.

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