Has anyone here been dumped by a friend?

MrsAveragePants · 2024-04-05T21:47:24+00:00

And how do I deal with it 😥 We had an argument (the first in 6 years of friendship)and she responded to me texting her apologising saying she’s too tired to deal with drama. The argument is the first we’ve ever had (and pretty mild really, mainly a misunderstanding). Except for this, our friendship has been drama free. I just feel really sad, we have been close friends for 6 years and her response was so cold. It’s been weeks of no contact now, I really miss her and feel so down about it

monkina · 05/04/2024 22:53

Maybe message her with what you've written above, or put a nice card in the post explaining how you feel?

Maybe she was just feeling stressed with life in general and felt that she couldn't deal with things when you had your misunderstanding.

A true friend would want to sort things out if the friendship meant something and had previously been good.

B1rd · 05/04/2024 23:00

Yes, three times over the past 30 years. I am not a serial loser of friends...lol

You think happily of the good times and then move on.

My last friendship broke up because of the smallest detail and we'd known each other 12 years. I view friendship breakups like relationship ones. If there's an issue, it could be discussed at the time.

If they are willing to break up over something that could be sorted, then they wished to leave anyway.

New people will come along soon.

ShrubRose · 05/04/2024 23:04

It's very hurtful, OP, and it's hard to lose a friendship, but I find her remark unkind. She's negated your feelings as "drama." I don't like that.
Personally, I would be inclined to walk away.

Wagonwheelforme · 05/04/2024 23:10

Another one to say you don’t need someone like this in your life.

a true friend would be mortified that you’ve fallen out and wouldn’t be calling it drama. I’d be very grateful for your apology

they have issues- it’s nothing to do with you

it’s really sad when this happens but it better in the long run!

Original poster

MrsAveragePants · 05/04/2024 23:33

Wagonwheelforme · 05/04/2024 23:10

Another one to say you don’t need someone like this in your life.

a true friend would be mortified that you’ve fallen out and wouldn’t be calling it drama. I’d be very grateful for your apology

they have issues- it’s nothing to do with you

it’s really sad when this happens but it better in the long run!

I think you’re right. I’ve apologised so much, even during the argument when I realised I was also in the wrong. I guess our friendship isn’t as important to her. It’s hard to take.

She does have issues and I’ve always been there for her as she has for me. She’s met new friends via social media recently and been out with them, so I think I’ve been replaced after years of being her only friend. I’m happy for her, but sad for me if that makes sense! I have other friends thank goodness, so will just move on like @B1rd said. Thanks for the responses

OP posts:

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 23:42

Not sure how old you are but as soon as I’ve hit 50 I’ve been less motivated in my friendships. It’s not a good thing just the reality of how I feel at the moment. I wouldn’t take it personally. You’ve done all you can. Enjoy your other friends.

user1567879667589 · 06/04/2024 10:20

It’s happened to me in the last 9mths OP. It’s a really weird thing, worse than if DH left I think!
Except my friendship is 30 years, since we were 18, and no argument, no disagreement, nothing. We saw each other every couple of months, kids same ages and also friendly, part of a bigger friendship/distant family group. She just stopped answering the phone, brief replies to WhatsApp’s initially then no response. I’m totally bemused as to what’s happened, but I’m not going to chase or beg…I think @B1rd‘s post is spot on.
I have toyed with asking others if they know what’s going on, but really don't want to drag other friends into anything. It’s just so odd not knowing what’s upset things.

TunaCrunchy · 06/04/2024 10:51

I got phased out just over 20 years ago, I didn’t even realise it at the time. This was before mobiles and I remember leaving a few messages on her answer phone, then eventually meeting her. I guess if it was today she would have ghosted me.

She had moved on when her eldest started primary school and a whole new gang of friends she was going to soft play with after school etc. it turned out I was her preschool friend, it did really hurt.

Mary46 · 06/04/2024 11:24

She sounds quite petty I let her go op. I find female friendships can be difficult at times.

Beebumble2 · 06/04/2024 11:31

Yes and it is very hurtful, my friend of 30 years has moved on to a new social group. I see her at different activities and I’m cordial/ polite.
I can’t deal with the drama, but as families we’ve done loads of things together, with DH and I giving a lot of support in the past.
I’ve got other good friends, but am devastated by the way I’ve been treated.
I’m now wary of letting anyone get too close.

Sceptical123 · 06/04/2024 12:49

MrsAveragePants · 05/04/2024 23:33

I think you’re right. I’ve apologised so much, even during the argument when I realised I was also in the wrong. I guess our friendship isn’t as important to her. It’s hard to take.

She does have issues and I’ve always been there for her as she has for me. She’s met new friends via social media recently and been out with them, so I think I’ve been replaced after years of being her only friend. I’m happy for her, but sad for me if that makes sense! I have other friends thank goodness, so will just move on like @B1rd said. Thanks for the responses

Show quote history

She sounds selfish and obviously not a real friend. It hurts but ultimately you’re better off without her. If she comes back wanting the support that her new friends aren’t giving her I’d really ignore her. She will drop you again once she’s taken what she needed and you’ll feel even worse.

Sceptical123 · 06/04/2024 12:56

A friend I went to uni with and got on really well with sporadically ghosts me. I’ve decided to mainly keep contact to to her now. She’ll message occasionally if she sees something which reminds her of me so it’s not and intentional complete NC from her. What really hurt was sending her a load of presents for a big bday that I thought she’d like, based on mutual in-jokes and interests etc, only to receive no acknowledgment. I messaged to ask whether she was still at her original address to be told no. That really hurt. We live a way away from each other but I’d always counted her as a close friend up til that point and suddenly realising I wasn’t hurt a lot, particularly as I’d gone out my way to send a lot of support when she said she was in a low place etc. I think distance and change in our situations ultimately broke our friendship down - the classic one having kids and the other not etc. and differences in career. She’s also not a great chatter on WhatsApp, with me at least, so hard to properly catch-up and keep a conversation going beyond how are you etc. It’s a disappointment but I’ve learned to accept it.

Female friendships can be complicated and can really take you by surprise when they end, but in most cases, it IS them, not you. Try not to take it personally x

Pinkl · 06/04/2024 13:31

A few years ago my friend of almost 30 years broke up with me and most of our friendship group. It had been coming for a long time as she was deeply unhappy with how her life was panning out and she was in self destruct mode. She just became more and more unpleasant to be around and would make little digs about us which built up and up until she outright just picked arguments with us all one by one. And she was just completely irrational in her arguments and would just change tactics if you tried to calm things down. When I look back I can clearly see that there were mental health issues and I don’t say that lightly. It was very sad to see her implode and alienate herself from so many people. It was truly awful at the time as she had been such a big part of my life. It been a few years so it isn’t as raw and I can fondly look back at the many years of good friendship that we had.

Easipeelerie · 06/04/2024 13:42

I think she’s moved on so this was a convenient excuse. I wouldn’t try to win her back. There are plenty of people this won’t happen with.

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 06/04/2024 17:39

ShrubRose · 05/04/2024 23:04

It's very hurtful, OP, and it's hard to lose a friendship, but I find her remark unkind. She's negated your feelings as "drama." I don't like that.
Personally, I would be inclined to walk away.

Agreed. I hate it when ppl use that as an excuse to make themselves look like a victim.. arguments can happen... it doesn't mean its a drama and sometimes to sort it out takes a bit of a difficult convo. I would understand if op has said this was one of many fights but one does not amount to drama. If you don't agree on what happened or it can't be sorted, point that out instead so the other person understands the outcome. Op I'd say you're well out of it. And when they come back trying to sort it out.. say you don't want the drama!

HopeFloatsAbove · 06/04/2024 18:29

yes and like you I was really hurt. All due to minor misunderstanding that thinking back was orchestrated, she has since done this to several people.

Move on. Its the best thing you can do for you and also try not to dwell on it.

flowerysuit · 07/04/2024 01:03

Pinkl · 06/04/2024 13:31

A few years ago my friend of almost 30 years broke up with me and most of our friendship group. It had been coming for a long time as she was deeply unhappy with how her life was panning out and she was in self destruct mode. She just became more and more unpleasant to be around and would make little digs about us which built up and up until she outright just picked arguments with us all one by one. And she was just completely irrational in her arguments and would just change tactics if you tried to calm things down. When I look back I can clearly see that there were mental health issues and I don’t say that lightly. It was very sad to see her implode and alienate herself from so many people. It was truly awful at the time as she had been such a big part of my life. It been a few years so it isn’t as raw and I can fondly look back at the many years of good friendship that we had.

Your poor friend

GreyCarpet · 07/04/2024 13:48

She does have issues and I’ve always been there for her as she has for me.

In light of your update, I wouldn't necessarily think she is calling you 'drama' but is saying that she needs to keep things simple for herself.

You also say that you've apologised so much perhaps she found that intense and hard to deal with.

I think you have to take what she has said at face value but I don't think it's necessarily a case of either one of you being 'wrong' just that you both have different needs right now and, whether you agree with her position or not, it is her position.

WetBandits · 07/04/2024 13:55

Yup, when I was 17/18, my absolute best friend announced that we could no longer be friends because he was going to uni to do medicine and that he didn’t think our friendship was going to fit with that as I ‘only’ wanted to be a teacher (at the time) and that he needed to be friends with people whose career values aligned with his! l was gobsmacked as we’d been best friends for about six years and spent so much time together and supported one another through some pretty rough stuff.

Now for my favourite bit!

Reader, he did not get into medical school and is now…a teacher 😌 and I’ve never spoken to him since, the bastard.

Nicetobenice67 · 07/04/2024 13:58

I lost a friend of 24 years 8 years on it still really hurts although my other friends say she was never your friend

Sceptical123 · 07/04/2024 16:16

WetBandits · 07/04/2024 13:55

Yup, when I was 17/18, my absolute best friend announced that we could no longer be friends because he was going to uni to do medicine and that he didn’t think our friendship was going to fit with that as I ‘only’ wanted to be a teacher (at the time) and that he needed to be friends with people whose career values aligned with his! l was gobsmacked as we’d been best friends for about six years and spent so much time together and supported one another through some pretty rough stuff.

Now for my favourite bit!

Reader, he did not get into medical school and is now…a teacher 😌 and I’ve never spoken to him since, the bastard.

🎆🎇🎆🎇🎆🎇🎆😆

SOxon · 07/04/2024 17:48

yes! I was dropped like a hot potato when I removed myself from a toxic marriage, by disapproving ‘friends’ a few I had known for many years, bridesmaid, listener,
through thick and thin.
Gallic shrug, what else can you do, keep moving forwards, looking back impedes progress.

Nicetobenice67 · 07/04/2024 17:50

SOxon · 07/04/2024 17:48

yes! I was dropped like a hot potato when I removed myself from a toxic marriage, by disapproving ‘friends’ a few I had known for many years, bridesmaid, listener,
through thick and thin.
Gallic shrug, what else can you do, keep moving forwards, looking back impedes progress.

Same as me my fiend said if you stay with him our friendship is over …bye we are still together 15 years later……. She cheats continuously on her husband ..now how does that work

TheCadoganArms · 07/04/2024 18:13

I imagine the argument while minor to you was probably a convenient exit ramp for your 'friend' who for whatever reason thought the friendship had run its course. Its tough, I get it, but sometimes friendships do drift.

HappyFifties · 07/04/2024 18:33

My best friend just disappeared. Refused to answer my calls, stopped replying to messages.

A few years later, I posted on Mumsnet about it and a lot of people said maybe he had had a mental health problem and still wanted to speak to me.

A week or so later I got chucked off a train and had a v long walk home so I thought I would try and call for the first time in about 4 years. They answered and I was so pleased - I started talking and said wow so amazing to hear your voice - he was clearly driving and didn't check the number. I heard him audibly sigh (as in fgs) and hang up the call.

At least it made me get over it! We went on holiday together for years - I was close to his kids and mine him. It was surprisingly painful.

I would give her a bit more space. These things take time @MrsAveragePants but I truly feel your pain