I'm wasting my time with him aren't I?

[elbowedouttie]

I've been seeing a guy I met online for about 8 months now. I know it is still early days but it just feels like its not going anywhere. Obviously as we started we had lots of nice dates out and some times dates in together but increasingly I feel like he is happy enough if I come out to him but if its his turn to come to my place he's making it seem like its a hassle to him.

We had previously agreed that he would come to my place this evening but when I called him this afternoon he was saying he was tired and just wanted to stay in, I told him I was upset as we'd previously agreed we'd see each other, he then said I could maybe tempt him out if I bought him a takeaway from his favourite Indian place near me! I said no as I'd already made food in advance so he said he would just stay home.

I feel so annoyed and that while its nice to have the odd treat of a takeaway I shouldn't have to be buying him it as an incentive to come and see me? It just feels like he isn't up for giving up more time to spend with me, he can't be bothered to visit me much of the time, often Saturday nights are reserved for "the boys" and he still doesn't want to meet my family.

I am just feeling like I'm a place marker for him. Its disheartening as I am 42 and its yet another disappointing relationship which has wasted my time.

Fucking hell, don't even bother to say another thing to him. He won't even notice, honestly. Block and move on.

Or that you ended up getting the takeaway after but didn't think he was worth sharing it with so he can fuck off 😀

Your both looking for different things

you want long term and a future he just wants casual

move on

I agree you should end this.

But don't think of it as 8 months of wasted time. I'm sure you had some good times with him. Take the positives for what they were, but yes, maybe a break from dating.

(I met my DH at work when I was 41 and he was 51.)

This! Don’t waste any more of your time on this sad sac

Sounds like you want a relationship that gets progressively more serious and he wants someone to see when he has spare time and energy. Neither of you are actually wrong and it’s not like he is lying. You just want different things.

He's got some opinion of himself to actually say that he'd only call over if you buy him takeaway, otherwise he'll cancel.

Sorry he turned out to be a jerk.

I’m sorry but yeah ditch him. I don’t want to be love bombed or anything but if a guy isn’t showing enthusiasm in the “honeymoon” period it’s a non-starter. Men generally put their best foot forward at the start. I give men a few weeks maximum and if they’re showing lack of enthusiasm, disrespect etc I let them go and move on as I know it won’t get any better.

I feel the older the men are the less likely it is they’ll want commitment, but I wouldn’t quite say the good ones are all gone by 30. My best friend got married shortly after meeting his wife when he was about 36. My former flatmate married a great guy who was 42 after dating for 2 or 3 years, so she met him when he was 39. My last ex was 44 and was up for commitment - he just wasn’t for me.

I don’t know how you feel about dating slightly younger but perhaps try and date men 35+. I’m late 30s so I date early 30s and up. I don’t do men with kids so that’s partly why I’m open to going younger.

Seriously!!

You have to bribe him and pay for a curry so that he’ll come to yours ??

No f*rking way girl.

Get rid of the arsehole.

He said he’ll make a mega effort to come see you as long as you buy him his favourite meal 😳 He’s shown you exactly what he is OP. Get rid!

He's a cheeky fucker.

Agree with everyone else.

But 42 is only half life. You could still be dating at 82. Your time is only being wasted when things stop being enjoyable.

Unless you mean it in a wanting kids way. Tbh other ppl might say 'it'll happen' or 'have kids alone' but I'd say, let go of that idea. Because it'll only tie you to shit men for longer than necessary. And if you're not happy without kids you probably won't be happy with them. Focus on enjoying your life and removing people that get in the way of that, from it.

Dump. Unceremoniously. Only grant your time, affection and attention to men you like who appreciate and respect you. Regardless of your age.

He’s being a dick to you.

100%.

Thanks everyone. I did sent him a text to say I didn't think this was working out and that we should just call it quits. He then did want to come over and try to fix things but I think everyone is right he just doesn't want the same things I do or if he does he doesn't want it with me. So I've told him its best to have a clean break. He says he'll give me time to think but seriously I am done.

That's irritating. I'd be very clear that no, You're definitely leaving it here. All the best.

Time to think indeed. You had enough of that the other night when he cancelled.

Yes, you're wasting your time. Bin him now and move on. And 42 is nothing, you're in your prime.

He says he'll give me time to think but seriously I am done

WTF!
Hahaha he thinks highly of himself doesn't he?
I would text back

🤔
Still done!

Ps don't be sad
Be happy you arent lumbered with this lacking specimen anymore

Oh Dear, another time waster that thinks this life is a rehearsal and they can go round again.
There are nice men and women out there. I am lucky I did find one of each. You will find one, and eat better food going out by yourself.

Time to think - oh jog on mate!

Id be tempted to just send a 👍

Thanks everyone, you've certainly given me a laugh! I think he probably thinks I'm just trying to scare him into respecting me more but I'm old enough to know that is he was going to value me he'd already be doing it.

@elbowedouttie
100% your last post.

I think you’ve definitely done the right thing.
Having a bit of self respect will always serve you well.

Time to think about it! Arrogant knob. He didn't expect that from you. Brilliant.

Tell him you've mulled it over while eating an Indian takeaway and it's still a no 😂

@EveryOtherNameTaken lol, I might just do that 😂