Friends tight with money

[Sandy8765]

I have an ongoing issue with friends expecting me either to pay for them or if we split bill me to pay more, im far from a push over so its not that, i work for myself & i think they think im loaded but im not but i can be generous & people are taking advantage, examples are
...friend wanting to go to cinema but asking me to book so she didnt have to pay
...cinema with another friend who didnt pay me
...i drove a friend to a festival & we got there , sgr said oh i havnt got cash to pay the petrol
...i organise weekends away etc for friends & they pay late with lots of nagging

I could go on and on, im now no longer giving anyone a lift in my car which people are pissed off about & im not booking anything unless they have paid me first but the final straw today was friend who wanted to go to cinema but asked me to book it, then didnt pay me as she said she would, so i nagged her & she said ' well you could have booked it anyway'! And i thought why do i have to book it?

Seriously people what is this about, they are good friends but they are all taking the P*

I usually ask them to transfer ticket money etc and say I'll book when the money is in my account. Seems to eliminate the spongers and time wasters.

Those people are users, not friends.

I’ve been generous in the distant past with people and they took advantage too, and likewise thought I was loaded. I really was not in the slightest.
Also think I was naive in allowing them to get away with with went on.
In this instance they weren’t really friends at all and just enjoyed taking advantage of a free ride.
Take it as a learning experience. Push back and if you’ve paid more for something in the past, push them to pay more or pay for you next time.
If it’s not really reciprocated I’d evaluate the friendships.

Sounds like you need new 'friends'. Seriously, I don't know anyone who behaves like this.

My friend really tight too. Said she get lunch (i was 50) just got her own then. I just keep to coffee now. Its not nice trait. If we do cinema we pay there as i wont get the money.

They're not good friends. Watch them slowly all drift away when you stop paying for everything.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing telling your friends "I will book as soon as I am transferred the money" - especially for holidays which will be quite a bit and chasing money will really take the shine off it for you.

If you know it will be you driving and need petrol money you could add it to the cost so say for example :
"The holiday/petrol/parking is £80 each and I'll book when everyone has transferred their money."

If they grumble I would just say "I can't afford to pay for other people so if you don't have the money we'll have to give it a miss/have a movie night at home".

I wouldn't even take only deposits for a hol as when someone drops out others will need to pay more. Just ask for payment in full and people being clear if they drop out they lose their money unless they can find someone to take their place.

We just buy our own now. I def dont rush to make plans with her if Im honest. Few months ago her purse in her other bag. Lol

I don’t know anyone like this-how weird!

but asked me to book it, then didnt pay me as she said she would, so i nagged her & she said ' well you could have booked it anyway'! And i thought why do i have to book it?

Why did she ask you to book it? Tell her it’s her turn!

I have a friend who never pays me back for cinema tickets. I always drive and almost always 9/10 pay for parking. I won't be going anyway like that again.

“im far from a push over so its not that”

Don't want to sound harsh but you obviously are otherwise this wouldn’t keep happening

At restaurants say up front no bill splitting, I’m paying for myself.

Could you also say when they tell you to book 'can't right now I'm in the middle of something/just about to go out but you go ahead'.
A friend booked a holiday house but told everyone she needed their share by X date (before the free cancellation deadline) and to please pay as it made a difference to each persons cost if someone dropped out. Then she sent the payment link which worked well.

She asked me to book it so i would pay and then didnt transfer the money thinking i would book and pay

But what was her reason for asking you to do it rather than doing it herself?

Seriously, tell the freeloaders to Fuck Off and get new decent friends. This bunch are just using you.

I have more spare cash than my friends and am happy to treat people however I hate being taken advantage of. My solution is to be brutally clear. If I have tickets to an event I want to give away I make that very clear but if I want to be paid for something I also make that crystal clear. I keep a list of people who owe me money and have no qualms about telling them to repay me. It works both ways and I always repay people when I owe them money.

I buy a lot of tickets to music events for friends as I have priority membership to a few local venues so I get access to early sales and discounted tickets so it's not unusual for people to owe me money.
It's so easy to make online payments these days that there is no need for anyone not to repay people immediately.

Some people really tight. I would always pay up quickly if someone books. Its the cute way they do it delay at the cakes in the cafe) I rushed ahead and got my own ha.

I agree with you on everything but the petrol. If I’m driving anyway it makes no difference to me, and still usually cheaper and less of a hassle than public transport.

This. The end.

I think this is the most sensible way.

If your friend asks you to book cinema tickets, calculate how much it is and text her back saying you'll happily book the tickets once she transfers you her share of £x. If she says she'll pay you at the cinema just say you have made a resolution to do it this way going forward.

Then say nothing more.

When she asks if you've booked the tickets just say I thought you'd changed your mind as you didn't transfer any funds to cover your ticket.

I feel that these 'friends' may soon disappear.

My youngest is an immature young adult and will chatter about anything. He openly tells me about friendships he's cultivated so he can get free lifts rather than paying for the train. It's shocking but he speaks as it is. I feel very much your friends might be in this for what they can reap.

True friends would never dream of treating you like this. why are these people so averse to paying for themselves? This is so disrespectful

They are not good friends to treat you this way. Stop paying. Be firm

Funnily enough, my most well off friends are the tightest. It's really not a nice trait.

What a bunch of scrats