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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do?

37 replies

Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 17:57

So iv been with my partner for 10 years but we don't live together but spend weekends together !! For the past 6 months iv started to kind off dread spending time with him I might love him but he's hurt me alot n yeah I shouldn't off let it happen but I live alone with my daughter (16) and my dog and I like being alone!! He's unpredictable mood wise and I have anxiety ( probably his cause ) I just want to chill in life I'm stuck

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 04/04/2024 17:58

Finish with him.
Easy.
Next!

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:04

There's a lot that's happened trust wise through him but I'm scared to break it off ...I'm not scared to be alone but I'm scared cause I love him I'm just no in love anymore iv no interest in sex with him n he jokes about woman on TV that are chubby n I find that hurtful

OP posts:
Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:05

Why isn't it easy cause if it was I would off !!

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 04/04/2024 18:06

Every time you imagine you love him, remind yourself what a turd he is. Shake him off! You don't want him.

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:10

I'm so scared to end it !! His reaction is one reason as he doesn't know how unhappy I'm but it taking its toll on my mental health and the reasons add up to him .through me not explaining how i feel hasn't helped n he's unaware but I can't talk to him so I suppose it sums it up thanks I know I'm sketchy on my descriptions

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/04/2024 18:13

Just finish with him.
He doesn't live with you and you're afraid of him. You don't enjoy sex with him.

What will be do if you split up with him? Is he aggressive?

Catoo · 04/04/2024 18:21

You don’t need to put together a dossier of reasons to break it off OP.

Just ring him up. Say you can’t see him this weekend or for the foreseeable future as you don’t want to be in a relationship any more.

If he carries on, say you’ll write him a letter (you don’t have to actually write it) but need to get off the phone now and you hope one day you can meet as friends even if he doesn’t want to now. I mean that’s if you want to be friends.

Good luck 💐

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:21

He has been in the past but He hasn't a key for my house( it snapped)I just I'm scared he won't let go n try talk me round x

OP posts:
Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:22

Can I do that after 10 years together? X

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/04/2024 18:23

I’m sure I was on your thread a few days ago. Dump. Him. Now.

pinkyredrose · 04/04/2024 18:26

Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:22

Can I do that after 10 years together? X

Yes. He isn't making you happy.

A good relationship enhances your life. It doesn't make it worse.

Why not text him and tell him it's no longer working and it's best to call it a day.

Malo05 · 04/04/2024 18:40

Just finish it. It really isn't that difficult given he doesn't live with you and you feel the way you do about him. You have no ties i.e. children, mortgage etc. You're actually lucky, there's a lot of women out there can't do it quickly because of these issues.

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:49

Will I tell him how much his comments etc annoy me or just end it?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 04/04/2024 18:53

Why would you not end it? You’re unhappy, prefer time when he’s not there and don’t want sex with him.

The relationship is already dead - just rip off the band aid and tell him it’s over. You don’t owe him an explanation.

Catoo · 04/04/2024 19:06

Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 18:49

Will I tell him how much his comments etc annoy me or just end it?

I wouldn’t bother. Character assassination isn’t what most people enjoy whilst getting dumped.

Just be clear and calm saying you don’t want to be in a relationship. I would choose phone rather than face to face as it leaves him with some dignity but if he gets abusive you can simply cut the call short. Likely it will be a short call. Maybe he won’t be too surprised if things haven’t been great lately.

TheShellBeach · 04/04/2024 19:08

Just end it. You don't owe him an explanation.

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 19:09

Thank u all for taking the time to respond x

OP posts:
Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 20:15

Iv saw he's liked a few randomers profile pics on Facebook that's not right eh?

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 04/04/2024 20:49

What do you want us to say?

Just end it!

Garlicnaan · 04/04/2024 21:09

I know it's hard after a long time together but seriously, get your big girl pants on and end it. The relationship sounds awful.

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 21:12

Omg iv tried to end it n he's exploded 🤯 making me feel very guilty

OP posts:
Oooeeeoooaa · 04/04/2024 21:13

Life is too short.
Look after yourself. It's not selfish to put your needs first.

Garlicnaan · 04/04/2024 21:15

Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 21:12

Omg iv tried to end it n he's exploded 🤯 making me feel very guilty

He can try to make you feel lots of things

You can choose not to feel them.

There's no need for guilt in ending a shit relationship.

Original poster
Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 21:17

He's twisted it all to make me fell bad so it's over

OP posts:
SamW98 · 04/04/2024 21:18

Missy1313 · 04/04/2024 21:17

He's twisted it all to make me fell bad so it's over

Let him. Hes showing you you’re doing the right thing.

Let him say what he wants just be thankful it’s over