Meeting that someone when you least expect it.

[Hoppitybobbins]

after a recent separation, I’m of the mindset that I will never get involved with another man again. I literally cannot think of one attribute that would impress me enough to fall for another person.

However, one must never say never.

I’d therefore like to know if any of you felt like me at one time but ended up surprising themselves by falling in love at a time when it seemed most unlikely.

can that happen? Or is it that once you step over the line into single-dom and end up rather liking it, you’ll never go back?

and if it has happened to you, what was it that turned things upside down?

id like to think these things can happen to even tired, cynical types like me who has a career and a dog and likes own company. I cannot imagine it, but maybe…?

Single for 8 years. A few OLD disasters, including one I dated for a few months who got his ex wife pregnant during that time.

Shortly after that I deleted all OLD apps. My career was blossoming, my children were getting older and we'd just come out of lockdown years. I made lots of plans with friends and just enjoyed myself. Didn't date didn't want to.

Arranged a night in the local with my friend/neighbour. We nearly never went because her son was poorly, but nevertheless stayed with his dad anyway so off we went.

I met DP that night, my friend grilled him hugely then she had to leave to see to her poorly son. And me and him stayed under the shelter chatting for hours after the pub closed. He walked me home, I invited him in. We talked all night, had 5 dates that week.

Like the PP I never knew a relationship could be so happy and easy. It just was easy, we moved in together last summer and he proposed shortly after, we get married in 5 months. I may be biased but we have a nice life together and u believe that's because I've met him

It happened to me. My husband and I separated last year (he left, not my choice).

I met someone, not under ideal circumstances (he was dating a friend of mine, then they broke up), but he is everything I could possibly dream of in a partner and he says the same about me.

I was in the USA for 18 months, had a short relationship with a guy who relentlessly pursued me and then quickly started to pull back when I finally started to warm to him so immediately ended it as I never tolerate game players.

Determined to never date an American again and was going home about 2 months later.

Met my now DH unexpectedly. I knew he had the hots for me (and I also thought he was good looking) but I assumed he wanted a fling which I wasn't interested in.

We became great friends and found each other hilarious. Went on a road trip with friends (I stayed in the USA to go). He took me for a walk one night and told me he was madly in live with me. I was totally shocked, and told him I would think about it. We started to date when we got back from the trip and were engaged 3 weeks later. Got married within a year of meeting. Never ever, ever, expected to meet someone and commit so fast. I wasn't even thinking about marriage or a serious relationship! Married over 20 years.

Another person here who was completely relieved and happy being single for years after leaving an emotionally and financially abusive relationship of over a decade.

Had zero intention of getting into another relationship, had not so much as glanced at online dating apps, looked hopefully around the room at a bar or considered joining a walking group or book club. Fended off friends who suggested setting me up on dates as I couldn't see how I could fit someone into my life due to my limited availability given I have the kids far more than my ex does.

However... eventually I noticed that someone quite unexpected, who I had met years earlier, had begun showing up a lot more regularly in likes, funny comments etc on my social media. I paid minimal attention for months but slowly I became intrigued by his quiet persistence and starting chatting casually. He turned out to be unbelievably lovely, prepared to tolerate my challenging schedule and suited to me in so many ways that I did not honestly think I would find all in one person. We are both completely smitten with each other and feel very lucky to have another chance at happiness in our late 40s.

Isn’t it lovely @CheekyHobson

I knew my exH was abusive but what I didn’t realise was how bad and abnormal our daily life was the times “between” the (obvious) abuse was - the total lack of care and kindness. I used to read posts on MN where people would say that their DH would drive to pick them up from the bus stop because it was raining, or still find them desirable even if they put on 10kgs, or would give them a foot massage after a long day … I genuinely thought these posters were making it up as it was so far from my experience. Now I realise such men actually exist!!

When I (re) met DP and we became a couple I couldn’t believe how happy we were (still are!) and how wonderful it was/is. It took me a long time to realise he really is that great and there is no catch. He is so lovely with my kids and I’ve posted elsewhere about how on the first weekend we all went away together, my DD5 fell from a bunk ladder and hit her head quite badly. We were 60km from the nearest hospital - it was 10pm at night and he packed up the car, wrapped us all up in blankets and drove me and DD to hospital and took DS home and tucked him into bed and looked after him. The head injury was a really frightening experience but I remember looking at him calmly driving through the night to look after us and knowing I would (will) marry him. ExH, DD’s dad, went away with his girlfriend for the weekend and didn’t even bother to check in on her for 5 minutes.

Of course he is not perfect but he is perfect for me 🥹

What lovely stories 💕

This is absolutely unbelievable what an absolute !!! Glad you got your happy ending with your ONS though 😊

OP I don't have a story as good as the ones on here but it's made me happy reading them! The real flex is not becoming cynical and falling in love again - I've heard that and it seems very true!

This is so lovely. Delighted for you

Ooh there is hope for us yet I have to believe-

😀 well a quick update had a lovely day lots of deep and meaningful chatter and laughter and blushes and then STBXH rung to confirm he’d closed the bank accounts and proceeded to laugh at me when I said how unfair he was being.
Got a bit shirty with me when I tried to tell him I couldn’t speak my ‘friend’ asked for the phone and politely told him to never speak to me like that again and concentrate on taking a day off work to support me when his son goes back into hospital - son is disabled and has complex medical needs. STBXH didn’t turn up to learn the new chest compressions we have to give him. Felt strange having someone watching my back.
who knows just need to get divorce finalised so I can breathe.

i do love reading these stories 💐

@Hemakesmesmile2 emakesmesmile2 I would say please be careful it does not turn into limerence. I've just separated from my husband a few months ago and gone through something similar - flirted with a guy at work, who seemed absolutely lovely. Everyone was so fond of him as a person.

He was showing all of the signs of liking me (compliments, asking personal questions, those loooong stares, a (polite) up and down look even, preening, blushing and becoming nervous around me despite being quite a confident guy). Did't act like this around other females.

I went on and created this beautiful idea in my head of us being together, it was all-consuming and at times overwhelming.

I am a bit older then him/in a position of seniority, so thought he was scared of approaching me (I am fairly good-looking and slim as well, had guys admit to me in the past of being intimidated by me). I therefore decided to tell him I liked him. He pretended nothing was happening, said he never thought about it (yeah, right). Even said that he understands how difficult it can be to gauge someone's interest when just out of a LTR.

The good thing is he's leaving the job now (unrelated to the above), I feel completely stupid for falling for him now, but at the same time cannot stop thinking about him and wishing it would all go away now :((( Please make sure you protect your heart!

My Mum had decided she was done and wasn't interested in a relationship when she met her second husband.

Her best friends husband had a friend who they thought would be a good match, so they organised it so they'd be in the pub at the same time. Not a blind date, just engineering the possibility of a conversation as part of a night out.

They married a few years later, but never moved in together, my Mum had grown to enjoy her own space too much and he still had teenage kids that she had no interested in being "stepmum" to. It was a slightly odd setup but worked well for them.

Oh Fusername 💐💐 I guess it’s that vulnerability and sudden awareness that you are a woman with emotions, feelings wants and desires.
I’m so sorry to read what you went through and I hope you can in time find that blossoming stomach fluttering first steps with a man who truly deserves you x

Just popped in to catch up with these stories. Some of them really are heartwarming to say the least. @Okaygoahead i think you’re right. Before getting married I said out loud to a roomful of people ‘that’s it, I’m done with men, I’m going to spend some time in my own’ and thought i meant it . Two weeks later I was with my soon to be H.

i wish I had stuck to my word!!

This is a lovely thread - more please!

Not able to post a success story at present.

However, I have noticed a tendency in me to want to control things a bit too much when meeting new people/dating

(either I'm ACTIVELY LOOKING...cue the horrors of dating apps.

Or I don't put any effort in and am on hiatus as I'm burnt out).

I'm trying to make sure I just gradually and holistically build up some networks of nice people with no expectations (but equally, not just staying out of the game completely).

20% all the time rather than 110% and then 0%.

I'd say I do sometimes meet prospective ok people in everyday life.

Often the issue is the people who are "out there" with the confidence to cold-approach are most prominent and certainly not the people I want

(desperate or sleazy or have been rejected loads of just after attention/flirting/some sort of social group status).

So it's really just taking things slowly and being patient.

@Fusername

Yes that's kind of echoed my experiences too...the "Ok guys" where there's a frisson never follow up or lead to anything.

Maybe creating a sense of connection and then stepping back is something of ego-boost for them?

And the weird ones (lot older, or not my type) are too pushy, but you understand why after a while!

well I had a lovely time going out for a historical visit. Had chats and laughter and coffee, lots of winking and smiling and now he’s asked if I’d like to meet up to discuss some stuff to do with a professional course we are working on.

We could have lunch first was his line in?

cheered me up as STBXH then decided to ignore my request for interim monies to pay the ulez usage on the car he promised to pay until I could sell it, defaulted on the council tax and now can’t afford one of the kids clubs so had the stress of that to deal with 😂 but I don’t feel so alone as it was nice to have a distraction

how is everyone else going

Split up from exH after I had been unhappy for a good while, it was a horrible, drawn out split that took months to work through. Was just feeling myself again and embracing single life, didn’t want, or need a partner as I can take care of myself, then the perfect person came along and turned everything on its head. I was elated and deflated in equal measure, but it has all worked itself out and years later, I have the life I wanted all along.

I'm really struggling with being alone. I ended a 5 year relationship recently. I am ok during the week as I have work and my daughter but I struggle on Saturdays. I don't even want another man near me in an intimate way. But I miss the comfort of someone being there. How do you get used to just your own company?!

I think the “I was single in my 20s/30s and went travelling and met someone” is very different to being, say single in your 40s with young DC, dealing with trauma from your last relationship and living in a small town! As one example 😉

Am hopeful but when your world is small and you can’t travel or really go out much, it’s way less likely I think. But I’ve become a cynic which definitely isn’t the right mindset

Lovely to hear!!

I don’t really think you do. In my experience it’s a time of life thing I really craved a relationship when I was young and then, weirdly, as soon as I had kids I didn’t want a man anymore but stuck it out in a marriage for 20 years. I’m not sure if it was just the wrong person or if I just wanted a man for procreation and I’d have felt like that whoever I married. Now I’m relieved I’m out of the marriage as I’m on ‘the other’ side of all the nesting and home making. I do have an interest in someone from a long time ago and I do daydream about just being able to spend an evening with him, just to talk. But that’s it. If he wasn’t in the picture I would not have any love interest at all and I don’t think I’d do anything about it. And I think that I just want to see this old flame just to get closure so I can move on and lead a happily single life.

I think if you feel the way you do, you must have hope and keep your heart open. You’re obviously not done yet.

I met my now DP when I thought I hated all men and just fancied having someone to snog. Had been 1 yr separated from alcoholic DH who I’d been with for 18 years.

DP has been amazing - patiently sat with me through me testing him, dealing with divorce, exDH dramas, etc. I realised I’m not a casual dating person.

what else made a difference, I think, was that I had a lot of counselling before leaving exDH. So while I was severely burnt from the marriage, I was pretty solid in myself.

I would love to marry DP one day, even my eldest DS had said he’d like him as a step father. It blows my mind how different life is just a few years beyond the hardest time of my life.

I met my 2nd husband in 2002 whilst I was in the middle of the divorce from hell to the ex (violence and the aftermath)

I'd finally fled with 4 youngsters in 2000. We walked the fires of hell with the aftermath, hidden homeless and involved with the whole system of this country.

I had a dysfunctional upbringing, too, so I never realised there were decent men out there like my 2nd husband.

He is my soul mate, husband, and best friend. He also is the dad he didn't have to be to.my 4 and grandpa to 5. He also had never married or had children cos he helped look after his dad, who went blind when he was 20. As we met, his dad passed away.

I didn't get it the first few years. I pushed every button. I didn't understand why he wasn't like my father or the ex. I didn't equate love without violence.

I finally accepted that this was real and how it should be. Gosh, I am a spoilt princess.

My 2nd husband unexpectedly passed away in 2018. However, he is the one and only. No one would or could replace him. Today, I say I am a married widow as that is what I am.

Anyone who tries to be scornful gets asked who they have lost. If they say a parent or siblings, for example, "I ask them,"when are they going out to replace that person? " They look on shocked and horrified. I smile and walk away.

So I share that to say if I can meet someone like I did with the chaos and aftermath I came with then anyone can.

I certainly wasn't looking for anyone at that time. I didn't even know men like my 2nd husband existed..

I was with someone for 3 years. On my 32nd birthday I broke it off because even though I had love for him I knew it wasn't going anywhere and I wanted a stable relationship and a family of my own. I remember a guy in my office saying "are you sure at this age you might not meet anyone else" lol I was shocked when he said that but it didn't put me off decided being single was better than being in a dead end relationship. 3 months later I went OLD and even thought I got messages I didn't reply to any. Then a face popped up as a match and I thought he looks nice so I messaged him and that was that. Within a year we were living together and expecting our first child. It was really unexpected but very welcome.