Don’t know if this is abuse

[Poweringthrough9]

In relationship with DP for 3 years. Was in abusive marriage before. Have a 7 year old from first marriage.

DP starts random fights at random times. Eg we are in the car driving to school, and I ask him
how his friend is doing. He said his grandma died and I say I’m sorry to hear that and is he ok. DP says “sure you are”. I ask what that’s supposed to mean. He says everyone knows I’m a selfish bitch and don’t care about anyone else.

He during fights has called me worthless, full of shit, nothing without my parents (I come from a well to do family), says I have daddy issues and everything is so daddy would love me. Other times he’s lovely.

He never apologizes ever after the stuff he says.

Today we went to the shops and he yelled at me for spending too long picking rice.

I don’t know what’s going on.

Yes that behaviour is 100% abusive. I wonder if you ever challenge it, does he then call you over sensitive?!

This is not a healthy dynamic to be in and I really implore you to find a way to get out of this. Reading things online can really help one to learn more about things like this and what's not acceptable. I had to learn also myself. I spent a lifetime believing the gaslighting behaviour of others and that I probably was too sensitive.

If you don't know that this is abusive, you need to not be in a relationship until you know what healthy looks like.

Any single one of those things would see DH out the door so fast his ears would ring. You are putting up with all of it.

1000000% abusive!!
It’s worrying that you have to ask. He’s making you doubt yourself and your reality.
You need to make plans to end the relationship because it wont get any better.
You deserve so much better! He’s dragging you down.

Try doing the freedom programme online or reading Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. Don't tell him you're thinking it's abuse.

How is your seven yr old, emotionally?

You know it's abuse. I agree with staying single.

You allowing your child to witness this abuse is just negligent. Get rid of him and get therapy.

If you have to ask us if it's abuse then it is.
Of course he's nice sometimes because if he wasn't you'd leave.
It's how they manipulate you.
Ditch him and don't Subject your child to this.

Sent shivers down my spine reading this, and in a very bad way. You absolutely need to end this relationship, now.

very soon he’ll say something like “I can understand why your ex was the way they were towards you”.
just leave. You know you have to.
sending you much empathy, sympathy and strength

You’ve put up with this for three years??

Get rid of him. You will be amazed how much better you and your son feel without this worthless piece of trash in your lives.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You've gone from one abusive relationship to another

Be single, have some counselling, dump him

Run far and very very fast. Some men like to be abusive and if your DP is aware of your past abusive relationship, he is seeing what he can get away with. These abusive men are also particularly resentful that you have support from parents so you have options when they behave badly. So he's trying to insult you and your parents in the vague hope you won't seek support from them when you need it. Get rid of this total and utter loser. Only immature, weak little boys attack women in this way.

“MrsTerryPratchett
If you don't know that this is abusive, you need to not be in a relationship until you know what healthy looks like.

Any single one of those things would see DH out the door so fast his ears would ring. You are putting up with all of it.”

This with bells on. This man is horribly abusive. Please end it and get some therapy.

How do you feel when he talks to you like that?

Do you want to be in a relationship in which you feel that way?

Forget the label for what he does. Focus on you, and what you feel. You are responsible for you.

Yes. it\s abusive. But even if it's just shittybehaviour, you don't have to put up with it.

Yes. Very much so it’s abusive.
LTB and stay away from relationships until you’ve had some therapy. Don’t bring anyone else like this into DC’s life.

Well next time he’s telling you how awful you are there’s an easy way for him to solve that, he doesn’t have to see you ever again if he doesn’t want to dies he?! He’s jealous of your ‘well to do’ background, and why would you have your daughter around this idiot anyway?

I hope you don't live together, next time he tells you how bad you are kick him out

He’s said it already. My daughter splashed him in the pool and he made such a scene then stormed off and when I challenged him he pushed me. In front of everyone. While on holiday. I’ve ended it. He’s being nice now and crying but looking at other stuff he’s done - eg pretended to look at other women to punish me for being confident, grabbed me by the collar, called me too fucking thick to do x and y, he’s the problem. Not me. He says I’m a selfish cunt who brings out the worse in him and he’s never been like this.

I mean, you know it's abusive. And now your child has witnessed - and lived in - two horrendous, toxic and abusive environments. And he's only 7 years old.

Please leave and remain single for the sake of your child.

I’m horrified you even have to ask, or that you’ve put up with this abuse.but more so a child is involved. I really hope you have ended it and for good.

I’m proud of you for ending it.
the ‘nice’ is temporary, you know this.
be inspiration for your daughter and show her how you should be treated.
he will say you’re a selfish cunt because you saw through him.
continue being selfish! Long may it last!

Stay strong. He's absolutely awful and you've done the right thing and protected your DD.

The right response to being splashed in the pool is to treat it as part of the fun! Do the freedom programme (again if you've already done it) but commit to staying single for two years minimum. Focus on building a lovely life for you and your DD.

Well done for ending things, block him on every possible platform and move on with your life.