When to buy a house together

[Booksandotherstuff]

I'm 32, DP is 33 . Together around 18months.
Neither have kids, both own our own houses about 40 Minutes apart. I WFH mainly but need to be fairly close to a train station he lives about 20 minutes from work in the opposite direction to my house, so about 1hour from me.
In between us are mainly villages with not alot in them so would need to be fairly close to one town or the other. So one of us would have to compromise on location basically because one town will always be more inconvenient for one than the other

When would you consider purchasing a house. No need to wait for marriage as this isn't something I'm interested in ever, happy to protect our deposits in unequal split legally when buying the house

When do other people think you'd go for it. I'm debating whether to bring up possibly putting the houses on the market in autumn in the hopes of being able to move around spring next year when we would've been together around 2.5 years, is this reasonable?

Haven't really properly discussed anything, but I didn't want to bring it up in the general consensus was omg that's way too early to be talking about

I met someone, we had our own places, I bought out his ex and moved in, we weren't married at the time.

I sold mine and my money is in the bank doing nothing much but sitting there.

Do what it is you want to do, don't be worried with what others think. If it all goes wrong as an unmarried couple the split will be based on the set up of the property which should be tenants in common and if an uneven split, with a declaration of trust naming the proportion.

I don't think it's too soon either.

How quickly did you move in and sell your house if you don't mind me asking

I don't think it's too soon. I'd been with DP for about 6 months when we moved in together. We both owned, about 40 mins drive apart.
We rented my house out to my friend for about a year. When I got pregnant I sold my house and we continued to live in his. When our baby was around 1 we sold his a bought together.

A friend of mine Airbnb's her house while living in her partner's. She often gets long bookings. Could that be an option?

Neither of us are in an area that would do very well on air BnB to be honest
I think I would worry about any tenant not paying their rent or trashing the place or refusing to move if I wanted to sell. The general idea of being a landlord doesn't appeal to me

Yeah it's hard. If you don't want to rent one property in any capacity, your only option is to leave one property empty until you feel comfortable enough to buy together.
I wouldn't sell 2 properties simultaneously because that would be a nightmare.
Sell one and live in the other together.

Once I sold my house, I just had my deposit in a savings account ready for when we wanted to buy.

We aren't married either btw.

I moved into his after about 2 1/2 years…..he had kids. And rented mine out so we could see how it went.I’d sort of partially moved in for about 3 months.

mine is still rented out 15 years later, even though we now jointly own a house, bought togetHer 4 years ago.

it’s a big commitment as it does make it easier to test things out if you both continue to own a place.

With my husband it was only a matter of months, but I knew him for years before as friends. I was only 28 and it happened within 2 months!

This time it about 8 months, it took longer than that to sell and buy his ex out but I'd moved in. For context though I'm 52, but honestly you know if it's likely to work or not.

Don't stress over it, just do it. Life's not a rehearsal and I mean that 😊

No, I rented my place out and moved in with him for 6 months. We then both moved back in to my place after the tenant left and sold his place which took a few months. About a year after that we sold my place, and bought together.

I would definitely recommend living together first if possible.

If one of us dies, their share of equity goes to whoever they choose in their will, probably our parents initially, maybe the other person if we had children together in the future. - and then what though? Their parents move in with you? You have to buy their parents out?

If one of us lost our jobs, the other would comfortably afford to pay for the other person, the mortgage would be small or non existent as we have a decent amount of money in the houses we own. - so are you combining finances? How long are you each comfortable financially supporting the other?

I know it sounds like I'm being picky but you're making a huge financial commitment to eachother (without having tested living together first) so it's prudent to make a whole bunch of costly legal agreements, plans and protections some of which you are covered by more easily with a marriage or civil partnership or by just holding off on diving in until you've actually lived together for a bit.

When do other people think you'd go for it. I'm debating whether to bring up possibly putting the houses on the market in autumn in the hopes of being able to move around spring next year when we would've been together around 2.5 years, is this reasonable?

Surely the length of time you've been together is irrelevant? What matters is how you feel about each other. A couple can be together for 6 months and be ready to make a big commitment - whether that's marriage, children or buying a house together. Or they might be together for 10 years and not both be ready. There's no objective rule or formula for these things.

So not the same but similar for me. My partner moved in with me into my house after 6 months. We have been living together for 5 years and he only recently sold his. (Reason being is his ex and children were still living there)

In terms of timing, its not too soon. If you want to live together and the thought is positive then go for it. If are spending alot of time together living already.

The other posters are right about the paperwork when buying a house together. When I bought my first house with my (now ex) husband he contributed alot more money than me and insisted that the % split be reflected in the deeds of the house so if we sold he would get his share and a higher equity split. I dont remember the legal bit being difficult but I remember it being an extra factor. I actually think this is the hardest bit to sort - as it feels tricky to decide and discuss

My BIL and SIL lived together in one of their flats and sold the other and then a couple of years later sold the remaining flat and bought a house.

Parents would clearly not move in with the event of one of our deaths they own their own houses 😂 we would pay the equity percentage as drawn up in the house purchase. We would either have enough savings to pay them or take a mortgage out for the difference
We would have a joint bill bank account, both to contribute to and separate savings and spending money accounts.
If one of us died on our current living situation our money would go to the people listed in our wills, if one of us lost our jobs, the other one wouldn't be able to completed financially support the other due to double mortgages and bills. Non of this is protected via marriage
They can still divorce you if you get ill and can't work, there's nothing to stop that. If I got married and bought a house with him, the only difference would be in the event of a split, I would have to pay for the divorce and potentially lose an extra £70k for the privilege
Where you have the option of drawing equity splits, power of attorney and wills for a couple pounds, I know which one I'd prefer. There is nothing about marriage that would protect my situation.

Who would pay that? Have you agreed that if one of you passes away that the survivor would buy out the others parents? Could you afford to remortgage alone to buy them out? Re your current living situation, that's irrelevant, I was asking about if one you dies, becomes unemployed or incapacited after you sell your individual places and buy together.

I'm not saying you HAVE to be married.or answer these questions here but you HAVE to discuss and make a plans for these things, not assume them. You have to be as prudent as if you were buying a house with a friend. Married or civil partnered people have a plan which is to stay together forever and in the event we want to split, assets are split 50/50.

OP we both owned our own properties - after a year he moved in to mine as it was the better property (a house vs a flat)
Initially the plan was to live together for 6 months to a year, then sell his flat, then put the house on the market and buy something together.

Reality was he decided to sell his flat ASAP as it was costing him money sat empty. He held his equity for a year, paid half the expenses at mine in the meantime. In the end we decided to just stay in my house so remortgaged to put his equity in.

Your original question re: who compromises - he did because we could live together in my house, and it was nearer to both our families. He does have longer commute for it, but hasn't complained about this. I've suggested moving closer but he is happy with the status quo. I am very lucky that he's a very selfless man to be fair!!

I'm aware these things have to be discussed I never said they wouldn't.
You basically are ramming the 'you should get married' down my throat despite it being not to my advantage as stated many times
Yes we would be able to remortgage for the remainder or sell and buy another house as I said we already have houses with mortgages, if one of us died we still own our portion of the equity and we could change our will to the other person if we so wished further down the line. I do not want assets split 50/50. It isn't costly to get wills, power of attorney and equity splits legally binding.

I'm not, I was just asking how you have all these things agreed and decided on especially having never lived together! However when people are becoming so financially meshed together you do have to wonder why you'd bother when you don't even want to be joint tenants which entitled the other to their share of the house in the event of death. If you're so worried about protecting your own money and assets, why not just maintain that and rent together first? Or buy a third.place together and keep your own on the side? Shit happens when you least expect it. Marriage doesn't grant you POA so I'm not sure why you keep mentioning that?

Edited to add: you want to protect your money for an inevitable split and you're worried about renting your place because you're worried tenants won't move if you want to sell but you're defensive about me asking you all the other what ifs about if you split or if other people have a claim on your property in the event of one you dying? 🥴

@Lampy123678 I'm defensive because despite stating many times marriage wouldn't be a magical financial protection for me, I have thought about protecting my own assets in the event of a split, I'm not suggesting it's inevitable. People who get married don't go into it believing their partner would ever cheat or whatever but it happens. I have already thought about wills and power of attorney ( I'm fully aware you don't get this when married but it is essential someone can access funds in the event I'm am mentally unfit to manage my own money if someone I'm living with would potentially end up in trouble if unable to access) I have already said I would ring fence my deposit and his. So banging on about vague marriage protection isn't helping.
My question wasn't about marriage pros and cons and I stated in my OP I don't ever want marriage.
I will not be responding to anymore of the posts about marriage
I'm purely asking what people in my situation have done and how quickly they have done it

Annoyingly I've got the bigger house, he's got the more convenient location. So I'm not sure which house we'd sell first if we did a staged move of sell one, move into the other and the sell the second house

I didn't say it would be, I just also pointed out that tenants in common.or.other legal agreements also isn't the magical protection you seem to think it is either (evidenced by the fact you haven't yet agreed what would happen in any of the scenarios I asked you). Unfortunately these things are all very pertinent to your question about how soon to do this because the only answer is as soon as you've worked ALL that stuff out whether that's after 6 months or 10 years 🤷🏻‍♀️ the same as if you were buying with a friend or family member.
At the end of the day, if you're worried about losing your money why even risk it in the first place when it's really really not necessary to buy a place together off the bat.

@Lampy123678 I have answered what would happen in the event of death several times, the equity would go to the person stated in the will of the person who died, most likely our parents, it could be his cousin's dog for all I care, we would either remortgage for that value or pay it out of savings as we would be able to save alot individually by not paying 2x mortgage and bills as we would be mortgage free or a very small mortgage. It is a legally binding document just like a marriage, except marriage defaults to 50% split. Unless there's children involved where the primary parent occasionally gets a bigger percentage.
I would change the will to pay partner in event of death if children were involved and he would likely do the same. I could afford to buy a smaller house with just the equity in this house mortgage free if I do wished if it all went terribly wrong and I could legally force a sale if they refused to move out or whatever. I am not questioning financial protections

We spend about 3 nights a week together generally anyway. Did you ever feel like you moved in together too early or did it just feel right?
I find it a bit of a pain switching between houses over the weekends, it would be nice to be settled in one

Did they sell them years apart to allow them to save more for the next house or for another reason do you know?

Lots and lots of people buy houses together before they're married. If they go in equally it's not a problem at all.