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Original poster

Worried about friend and a little hurt. Would you say anything?

38 replies

LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:07

About three weeks ago it was my friends birthday and about 6 of us went to a gig. I don’t drink at all and the others were getting quite drunk.

My friends whose birthday it was, is one of my closest friends. We’ve been friends for 22 years since Uni and still see each other often.

My friend disappeared for ages, another friend and I thought we’d look for her. Eventually I found her with her sister in law who as also out with us. They were hugging and crying, I went up to my friend and asked her if she was ok. And she just said said to me ‘what? What? What do you want? Is there something I can do?’ I just said oh I wanted to see you were ok. I knew she was tipsy and had been gone for ages and me and my other friend was getting worried.

I feel sad, because I was only trying to look out for her. I know or I assume she was upset over something (it won’t be anything to do with me) I know she’s got a few things going on at the moment.

I know I shouldn’t feel shit cos she was drunk. But A) I’m worried about her and B) I feel sad I was spoken to like that but I know she was drunk.

OP posts:
Neodymium · 01/04/2024 22:14

She sounds like a drama queen to be honest. That always comes out worse when people are drunk.

as my kids say these days (to each other) bruh you are not the main character 😂

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:19

she isn’t a drama queen. She must have been upset over something to be crying that much or to talk to me like she did.

I kind of regretted approaching them, I should have seen she was safe and left them to it.

OP posts:
BCBird · 01/04/2024 22:21

If she wants to tell u.she will. It probably the demon.drink

theduchessofspork · 01/04/2024 22:21

She was just pissed OP, and in the middle of having a moment with her SIL. Don’t overthink it. Ask her out for a coffee if you want to check it, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

SnarkMode · 01/04/2024 22:21

If this was three weeks ago, haven't you spoken to her since then?

confuseeedd · 01/04/2024 22:23

She sounds quite nasty.

Doesn't matter how drunk I get, I don't talk to my friends like a piece of shit.

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:24

Yes we’ve spoken about other stuff on whatsapp we’ve not got together. I’m not sure I’ve ever spoken to anyone like she spoke to me, it was really disrespectful. But also I was stone cold sober. So I know if I was drunk I’d probably have pushed it then and asked her what was going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:24

Now she also said ‘do you need something?’ I think I said I was just checking you were ok and walked off.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/04/2024 22:25

I don’t really get what you’re upset about? She was having a private conversation with SIL where she was clearly upset, you approached her and interrupted, she asked what you wanted probably assuming you wouldn’t have interrupted for no reason. I’m assuming for you to be upset there was something in her tone as nothing you’ve written that she said sounds bad, doesn’t sound like she swore or was rude? I’m not really sure why you think the way she spoke was bad but she was drunk and possibly discussing something private with a family member, maybe she wasn’t expecting to be interrupted and didn’t want to have to disclose her private life there and then. Doesn’t sound like something to still be thinking about 3 weeks later.

3luckystars · 01/04/2024 22:25

I think you are right, you interrupted them at a bad time, you probably should have left her alone when you saw her. Anyway she probably doesn’t even remember that part if she was very upset and drunk.

Let it go. Forgive her.

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:26

Thanks yeah. I mean her SIL was wiping tears from her face and hugging her. I’m really close to her SIL too, we do a lot together the 3 of us. So I guess I don’t know I was thinking she wouldn’t mind as we are all close friends.

OP posts:
Underscored · 01/04/2024 22:29

If you've known her 22 years and not had issues with her before I'd honestly let this one go. She was drunk, birthdays can feel a bit heightened anyway and she's going through stuff. I really think it's not personal, she probably felt a bit embarrassed and reacted. Just write it off as a bad moment.

thoseinperil · 01/04/2024 22:30

Do you think you feel left out??

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:34

I don’t feel left out. The only other things she’s ever said to me was race related. We are the same race my husband is a different race. Her and her SIL were around for dinner one evening and they were talking about someone of my husband’s race. And her SIL said what is he like (this person) and she was like ‘ you know like anyone else like him of that race’. I didn’t say a thing then.

i didn’t feel left out, I was enjoying the gig, loved the music! It’s just she was missing for so long and it was a bit of a male heavy crowd so me and this other friend thought we Better check she’s ok.

I don’t think it was me wanting to know. I guess after all these years I wasn’t expecting to be spoken to like I was. I know she loves me and I her, I just think this has upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:35

@Underscored you’re right! It’s hard being the only one that doesn’t drink! You remember everything!

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/04/2024 22:36

LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:34

I don’t feel left out. The only other things she’s ever said to me was race related. We are the same race my husband is a different race. Her and her SIL were around for dinner one evening and they were talking about someone of my husband’s race. And her SIL said what is he like (this person) and she was like ‘ you know like anyone else like him of that race’. I didn’t say a thing then.

i didn’t feel left out, I was enjoying the gig, loved the music! It’s just she was missing for so long and it was a bit of a male heavy crowd so me and this other friend thought we Better check she’s ok.

I don’t think it was me wanting to know. I guess after all these years I wasn’t expecting to be spoken to like I was. I know she loves me and I her, I just think this has upset me.

I don’t understand what you mean by ‘spoken to like I was.’ What did she say that has offended you? It doesn’t sound like she was rude or offensive or aggressive? What did you expect her to say?

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:39

She was aggressive in her tone - she was almost shouting at me. Like ‘ what what what do you want…’ it really shocked me to be honest as I’ve never seen her like that. Sorry not drip feeding. I was sober so I know she was drunk. But I’ve never spoken to anyone like that.

OP posts:
Lighteningstrikes · 01/04/2024 22:50

Drunk or not drunk, she was very rude to you.
I’m not surprised you were shocked and are upset.

She should have apologised to you, but presumably she genuinely can’t remember or she’s too embarrassed about her behaviour to mention it.

Original poster
LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:54

Thanks @Lighteningstrikes she probably can’t remember it was her birthday and she’d had a fair amount to drink. I know she’s got a lot on work, kids, parent’s health and some DH problems but I don’t know. Anyway thanks for the advice on here. I feel a bit silly for posting tbh I even name changed for it cos I felt embarrassed to have been spoken to like that. I didn’t want to say anything to her on the evening as it was her birthday. And it seems it’s been a while now.

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 01/04/2024 23:25

I’d just let it go. You probably caught her at a bad moment x

penjil · 02/04/2024 00:30

LampShadeTaj · 01/04/2024 22:19

she isn’t a drama queen. She must have been upset over something to be crying that much or to talk to me like she did.

I kind of regretted approaching them, I should have seen she was safe and left them to it.

I don't think she values you as a friend as much as you do her.

Cool it with her a bit.

You're overly concerned about her, and she can't even speak to you decently.

Many truths come out when people are drunk, sadly.

Mummame2222 · 02/04/2024 00:32

Just let it go.

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/04/2024 00:36

She was very rude and hurtful to you. You were concerned about her, saw her crying, and she basically told you it wasn’t ok for you to even approach her or enquire and she was inappropriately angry at you for being a kind friend.

Cool things with her.

Also, it sounds like she made a racist comment?

Northernsouloldies · 02/04/2024 01:52

The antics of a nippy drunk .
There's nothing to decipher.

CheeryPye · 02/04/2024 07:51

It sounds like they were talking about something really serious or personal and just didn't want to be disturbed. Maybe you aren't as close as you think you are and they were discussing something they didn't want you to know about. What was her demeanor afterwards? Did she reappear and act normal or stay distant for the night? Her sister in law was wiping away tears, maybe something had happened that she was telling your friend about. Has she ever since said anything about it? I mean you've held on to this a long time but did she ever explain why she snapped at you that night or was it never discussed again?

Just seen the way you worded it sounded like the SIL was wiping tears from her own face. Clearly something was going on in your friends life and she didn't want you to know.

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