Worried about friend and a little hurt. Would you say anything?

[LampShadeTaj]

About three weeks ago it was my friends birthday and about 6 of us went to a gig. I don’t drink at all and the others were getting quite drunk.

My friends whose birthday it was, is one of my closest friends. We’ve been friends for 22 years since Uni and still see each other often.

My friend disappeared for ages, another friend and I thought we’d look for her. Eventually I found her with her sister in law who as also out with us. They were hugging and crying, I went up to my friend and asked her if she was ok. And she just said said to me ‘what? What? What do you want? Is there something I can do?’ I just said oh I wanted to see you were ok. I knew she was tipsy and had been gone for ages and me and my other friend was getting worried.

I feel sad, because I was only trying to look out for her. I know or I assume she was upset over something (it won’t be anything to do with me) I know she’s got a few things going on at the moment.

I know I shouldn’t feel shit cos she was drunk. But A) I’m worried about her and B) I feel sad I was spoken to like that but I know she was drunk.

Sorry SIL was wiping tears from my friend’s face.

We are close, very close. Which is why I was shocked. When she came back to where we were standing she was talking to me, hugging me like nothing had happened.

It sounds like she had a bit too much to drink and in that moment she snapped at you without thinking. If it has really upset you and you are as close as you say you are, maybe you should talk to her about it? Otherwise I fear it is going to put a taint on your friendship going forward.

@MamaGarl85 you’re right. Once the kids are back at school I’ll arrange a coffee with her and we can catch up. Or maybe a walk one evening in the lighter evenings. It might be I can get to the bottom of it without really bringing up her behaviour.

I think you should let it go rather than "getting to the bottom of it" or subtly waiting for her to explain "her behaviour". You interrupted her (with the best of intentions) when she had deliberately gone elsewhere to avoid interruption. She snapped at you so you would take the hint.

Of course she shouldn't be rude to you, but you seem more outraged than anything she actually said to you can justify. I would guess the real issue is that you feel rejected that she is closer to her SIL and shares stuff with her that she doesn't choose to share with you, but that is just the way it is sometimes.

I’m not fussed she’s closer to her SIL, they’ve been through a lot together. I’ll leave it then. I’ll get over it soon enough. Thanks for the advice x

I've got close friends that I love but I share things with a sister or sil that I wouldn't always share with friends, however close. Family stuff. However well intentioned, it sounds like you intruded on a private moment. She was already upset, and plastered, and yet up you went.
She came back up to you and hugged you later, so she really doesn't owe you an explanation. You should have probably apologised at the time for intruding but the moment has long passed.
Let it go if you really want to be a friend to her. She'll tell you if and when she's ready.

Leave it. If she wants to tell you she will.

She was a bit rude to you but clearly drunk and possibly in the middle of something. You are overthinking.

Also, it sounds like she made a racist comment?

@LampShadeTaj yes I’m wondering about this too?

God I don't miss the days of too much drink and over emotional drunks.

I get why you feel the way you do, she was rude when she spoke to you drunk or not. Also why have such a private conversation when out with friends that's also rude.

They were in the middle of a private conversation and you interrupted them. Maybe she thought you were being nosey which is why she got snappy with you.

People tend to overreact to things when they're drunk. I get that it wasn't nice at the time but I do think you are over thinking it.

Let it go.

@Neodymium Bro it ain’t that deep 😆

I maybe have a high threshold for these things (being snapped at) so my judgement could be off, but in your position I think I would just be cringing at the whole thing (and yes feeling hurt) but I wouldn't even be sure who was in the wrong.
I would be thinking 'eeek was I really out of order to interrupt? How embarrassing... '
while also thinking she was rude and a bit brutal, but I would write a lot of that off due to alcohol and clearly very heightened emotions.
I would just be pleased to let the whole thing blow over and would bear in mind for future with this friend, not to intrude in those situations. Maybe remain a little wary. I don't think any good can come from raising it with friend... I think she's very firmly shown she doesn't want to talk about whatever it was and chances are she will misinterpret any mention as you once asking trying to 'intrude'
If she remembered and wanted to apologise/thought she was in the wrong then I think she would have said by now.
Her hugging you after may have been an attempt to smooth it straight over.
I would definitely try let it go

Yes there was a racist comment from her this wasn’t on this evening though.