Partner wants to book another holiday with friends

[Almostmumoftwo]

I have an almost 2 year old and am due my second baby in May. My partner has already been away twice with friends this year one to a skiing festival and another was a stag do and is now wanting to book a lads trip to Ibiza for august when our baby will be just a couple months old.

am I being unreasonable saying to him I don’t think it’s fair of him to be leaving me so soon after baby number 2 comes along, seeing as he’s already been away twice whilst I’ve been pregnant? I don’t want to be controlling but feel I’ve been very understanding with the trips he’s already had and don’t see why he needs to go away again when we will only just be adjusting to life with two. Any advice welcome.

You know you’re not being unreasonable.

You are not being unreasonable or controlling.

Do you ever go away as a family? Do you ever go away alone?

You're completely reasonable. More reasonable than I would be. He needs to accept his life has changed now that he has a family.

He’s taking the piss.

Yanbu.

ask him how he’d feel about you going away and leaving both of them with him.

I have just been away with a good mate for a few days but my youngest is 8! I’ve been away with my dh in the intervening years leaving the kids with my parents but this is literally the first time in 11 years that I have managed a holiday with a friend

unfortunately having kids means your social life takes a dip for a while. A few years most likely. And when you have 2 smalls, it’s pretty non-existent as it’s all hands on deck.

Was your boyfriend like this before you got pregnant currently? Or is it just since then? I think your boyfriend is being unreasonable and would think he won't have both children while you have a break. Unfortunately, you can't force him to want to spend time with your newborn.

Tell him he can book his third trip when you've had 2 breaks solo AND you have has a holiday as a family. Then start to plan. Make it tit for tat. Assume you are loaded so going away a lot isn't an issue.

We have a really decent household income but after 3 foreign trips, I start to think about budgeting and making the next trip of the year a UK break.

TBH I'd question his commitment. I really hope he isn't actually a cheating arse because IME men who like lots of breaks without their wife and family are often using the time off to play away.

The fact you are going to have to spell out why this is unreasonable to a fully grown man is pathetic.

If you do convince him not to go, the only reason he will be staying home is because you’ve told him to, not because he thinks staying home to support his PP wife and spend time with his newborn is the right thing to do.

To be honest, I’d let him go and pack my bags whilst he’s away. He’s already shown you where his priorities are, don’t beg.

Why do these man babies have children in the first place?! Just stay single and don't have kids it's not hard

He is acting like he is a single man and no way should he be putting his freedom before his new baby and family. Tell him to grow the hell up. Has he always been so selfish or do you let him walk all over you. Think everyone has given good advise and really is this the type of man you want for the rest of your life who cannot take responsibility and realize he is not a single man and he has already had 2 holidays.

This man is an absolute joke.

He won’t like it, but it’s time for him to face the music and grow up.

It all sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. He is clearly not invested in this relationship and doesn't consider himself to be a family man.

Somebody above has asked - ‘why do men have babies they are not ready for’
My question is the opposite - why are women deciding to have kids with these man/children? In the end of the - it’s a woman decision.

to Ibiza? in August? with the lads ?

How old is he?

When do you get to go on holiday?

Especially when Ibiza is known for being the home of casual holiday sex

2 kids with this waste of space?
Wastes his holiday allowance and family money on selfish get-aways? (And probably plays a way!)
Does he pull his weight at home and looking after his child?

You are not married.
Please tell me you haven't given up work/gone part-time or otherwise screwed up your career and prospects for the future...

In your shoes I'd make serious plans to fly solo, because this guy is never going to meet your needs.

I'm not saying I would actually do this but perhaps interesting , you could lob in , I would rather you didn't have another holiday when baby is so very young , but perhaps you could give me the equivalent of the price of your holiday in case I need some help at the time from a maternity nurse or something , given you won't be here.

You are being unreasonable because your expectations of him being your ideal spouse and ideal parent are too high and unrealistic.

I think it's time to face reality and some harsh truths.. He's not interested in being a father nor a partner. He wants to escape and perhaps act like a single unattached man on these trips...perhaps in daily life.

Stop having children with him. Stop making your and the kids struggle and life harder.

He's not worthy of you, nor the kids.

Perhaps it's best to leave..
If you stay, try to come to terms and some acceptance that this is who he is and how its going to be.

Because woman accept it

You've got a duff one there. I'd bin the selfish knob

Because the bar is so low for some women it's embarrassing

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Parenting is a team effort. Do you get similar breaks? Do you go away as a family. ?
I'd be saying twice is a lot already and with new baby it's unfair on you and kids.

I 100% agree .. he is taking the piss .. don’t worry about being controlling as a mum with 2 young children you will need help ..a lot of help .. you are no 1 … tell him to man up and put family first …

Let me guess, apart from this momentary lapse into selfish he’s the most switched on attentive ‘partner’ and father, Congratulations! You are the default parent who he expects to take up the slack whenever he wants. Of course he will ‘perform’ the part of doting parent and supportive partner when in the company of others but in reality you’re the default parent and he will parent when it’s convenient for him.

It’s time you sat down with this chancer and talk about expectations, responsibilities etc. He treats you like a doormat because he’s a selfish git and you act like a doormat.

Strange time of year to go on a lads holiday.