Am I overreacting or would this anger you?

[Sugarysusan]

My partner and I did a family video call for Easter earlier. He’s abroad, not English, no kids, late 50s. He chatted with my DS who is 18. They were making small talk in our other language & he jokingly said “when are you coming over? I’ll introduce you to some beautiful girls!”

I understand it was meant to be banter but I’ve asked him before not to crack these jokes & he’s knows I get pissed off by it. I asked how he knows such “beautiful girls” to introduce my son to, and he joked & spouted some crap about how pretty people should be looked at.

I’ve told him to reflect on his immaturity & not to speak to me until he’s ready to apologise for his disrespect. He’s supposed to be a role model for my DCs & not an idiot.

WWYD?

I think you're over reacting. He was trying to make small talk with your 18yo DS. If a 50yo woman had said it to her partners daughter "When are you coming over? I'll introduce you to some handsome boys" would it deserve an apology? It's the kind of crap people say in forced conversation.

I think from your reaction either way you don’t sound suited. If he says something and it is banter and it makes you react like that and if you call him immature then you are both just extremely different people. Also he doesn’t have kids so personally if someone said that to my teen I think if he’s acting like their buddy he’s not on the same page as me. So not a ltb but just you are both extremely different and it sounds like he irritates you!

I wouldn't like it. I think it's an odd thing to talk about between a 50 year old man and an 18 year old. I think there needs to be a boundary between parents and children regardless of age. The other side is how your son felt about it?

If it was a one-off I would tolerate it but if it was continual I would say something.

Just banter imho. Old fashioned banter but he is 50+...

Totally understand where you're coming from now, and yes the best way forward is to continue having these chats.

Tbh your son sounds more likely to cringe his face off at the middle-aged lech anyway!

Yabu. It’s not the best, or most original line, in the world. But it’s just a bit of jokey banter which used to be trotted out a lot couple of decades ago. Probably said to him by his own father in his younger days. I wouldn’t overthink it. If we over analysed everyone’s comments, I’m sure there would be some small part we could get offended by.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid and could easily say something similar to either a female or male. It means nothing. Just something you might say as part of a conversation. Most heterosexual 18 year old boys like girls and beautiful is subjective and most 18 year old girls are beautiful. He probably doesn't even know any 18 year old girls but no different to saying I will bring you for a pint or mentioning something else he thought an 18 year old might be interested in.

You're totally overthinking this. It was just chat and your son isn't a child.

I don’t think it would bother me. Bit cringe but wouldn’t anger me.

I’d see that as “come visit and I’ll help you get laid”. He’s not planning on introducing him to “beautiful girls” so he can discuss the conflict in Gaza with them, is he? So no, not an appropriate thing to say to your girlfriend’s teenage son.

I’d see it as more tacky and cringy than anything else, but I don’t really want to date tacky, cringy fifty year old men, myself. This is giving me “lecherous Turkish waiter”/“hey pretty laydeez” vibes, and that’s not something I find remotely attractive in a man.

@scottmk did you intend to put your email and phone number in your post? You can edit them out if not

my ex husband used to say things like that, also not english. But he comes from a culture where they like to keep pretty girls within the family.

It seems like you're overreacting, unless you suspect he's cheating, particularly with younger women. Remember, both of you will find others attractive, but it doesn't automatically mean infidelity.

He wants to introduce your 18-year-old son to young women he might like, hopefully within your son's age range.

It's unfair to make this solely a critique of men; many women also discuss introducing their children to attractive individuals without scrutiny.

If men are criticized for such remarks, women who engage in similar behavior shouldn't escape scrutiny either. If there's a lack of trust or evidence of cheating, reconsider the relationship.

You’re right, if we slag off men for this, similarly so should women be flagged. But I don’t know any women who do it! Actually I don’t even know any men who’ve made comments like this before. It’s the first time I’ve been in this situation.

I doubt very much he is cheating or would cheat on me, but I don’t think his behaviour was appropriate, and the fact I’ve raised it with him before is particularly annoying

This would give me the ick.

I think you’re being a bit OTT.