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Original poster

Husbands hobby getting too much

31 replies

Dinkiedoo · 31/03/2024 13:15

Hubby has a hobby I am not remotely interested in. Nor will be but sometimes we go away to places he can indulge. I dont mind that bit as it gets us away.
However in the last 6 months or so weve been away once.
His days off are spent doing this hobby most of the day. He recently had 2 weeks off work and we did nothing together.
We are due to go on holiday soon and he said on one of the days he will be going to a place for this hobby. I said I wouldn't be going with him.
The only thing we do together now is watch TV at night !
He thinks more of our pets than me .
Hes snappy and picky and Im becoming the same.
I dont want to sleep with him because of his behaviour so think its a vicious circle. But Im not getting jiggy with it while hes being an arse.

OP posts:
ForestBather · 31/03/2024 13:18

So you're something like a running or cycling widow? It's rough. I just got on with living my best life and having a good time with the kids. He discovered he didn't like missing out on family things and curbed it somewhat. Sorry you're in this position. It's lonely.

IsawwhatIsaw · 31/03/2024 13:19

Have you told him what you’ve posted here- that he’s actively choosing not to spend time with you?
Often people. advise finding your own hobby and going out yourself, but I feel that’s not the solution . As then you’ll see each other even less. Do you feel he’s using his hobby to check out of your relationship?

MrsMitford3 · 31/03/2024 13:21

Is it cycling?

Much easier to just say... It will not be remotely outing

Ponderingwindow · 31/03/2024 13:26

Time for 1000 posts worth of people guessing the hobby. You could have just said he is obsessed with playing golf and possibly get some actual advice.

so trying to give actual advice, I would start by picking a trip you want to go on that doesn’t include his hobby. Your interests matter too.

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 31/03/2024 13:30

Its spotting so he can do some in the house. Reads a lot of online stuff.
Hes always done it but its taking up more and more of his time.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 31/03/2024 13:30

Do you have children? If no, then don't because you'll still be alone at weekends. Also if no, just leave if it doesn't improve.
If yes this is a much bigger conversation.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 31/03/2024 13:32

I'd have to split up. Sounds like no life at all. Then he would have to stop for some days for childcare.

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 31/03/2024 13:35

Our kids all grown up and flown the nest.
He did actually come with me to see my son..his step son..last week. I was very suprised.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 31/03/2024 13:38

You might both be a lot happier if you split up. Sounds like you both enjoy different things and are no longer compatible.

Remember - the rest of your life is a long time to compromise....

ExtraOnions · 31/03/2024 13:40

Bird Spotting ? I’m married to one of those .. TBH, we have got into a pattern that works over the years. He’s does a birding holiday with his friends (I am not remotely interested), and then we do family holidays - he can still have birding days, but they aren’t the primary reason for the day out.

He has days out, but will do “pick up” on the way home, or do the grocery shopping. So it works with the day.

I also use his days out to catch up with friends, family, or just kick back & watch Netflix.

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 31/03/2024 13:58

No its plane spotting.
I have my own interests and meet friends etc .
Its just his hobby is stopping us spending time as a couple

OP posts:
Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 16:33

Dump him. Please. He’s a selfish, miserable twat.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 16:34

I’d dump him for the plane spotting alone

Sweetmelon · 01/04/2024 18:49

I see it as there should be a balance. Having a hobby is great and some people need to get away and do there own thing.

He isn't taking you into consideration at all and that needs addressing. Call him out on it, tell him he needs to make more time for you or its over, see what his reaction is? If he's happy to throw the relationship away then you know he's using the hobby as a way out

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 01/04/2024 18:51

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 16:34

I’d dump him for the plane spotting alone

God yes.

SamW98 · 01/04/2024 19:06

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 31/03/2024 16:33

Dump him. Please. He’s a selfish, miserable twat.

This 👆

Ellie56 · 01/04/2024 19:32

Plane spotting? Hmm

Does that mean he spends a lot of time round airports?

No wonder you don't want to go with him.I wouldn't be remotely interested either.

Aramiss · 01/04/2024 19:52

I'm a plane spotter and a private pilot. My husband respects my hobby. Some of the replies on here are rude, judgemental and unnecessary.

Does it really matter what his hobby is? The problem is how much time it takes up, surely?

Original poster
Dinkiedoo · 01/04/2024 20:13

Hes just had 2 weeks off. Most of it spent spotting. Hes off this week. Will see what it brings but I can guess the answer.
I don't want to split up.I want more time with my hubby !
Will speak to him about it but not give ultimatums

OP posts:
Danioyellow · 01/04/2024 20:17

Aramiss · 01/04/2024 19:52

I'm a plane spotter and a private pilot. My husband respects my hobby. Some of the replies on here are rude, judgemental and unnecessary.

Does it really matter what his hobby is? The problem is how much time it takes up, surely?

Edited

People bitch at the op for not saying what it is, and then immediately take the piss when she does 🙄

Soonenough · 01/04/2024 20:19

Very solitary hobby . I can see why you are a bit fed up. There is no excuse to devote that much time in one go , not like anything will change . Think you are going to have Very firmly tell him how much it bothers you.

HesterPrincess · 01/04/2024 20:20

DH is a golfer and would go every day if not challenged.

Let's just say he knows that if he pushes his luck, he'll be a single man and he's too lazy for that.

Lay some ground rules - I love you and love that you have a hobby that you enjoy, but that doesn't mean I enjoy being neglected because of it.

AFmammaG · 01/04/2024 20:34

Yeah you definitely need to point out to him it’s got too much.

I have a hobby and when we went away recently for a week I wanted to slope off for a day to do it. DH was like “you’ve got to be joking”. When we discussed it he said he was looking forward to a week together and a week when he didn’t have to have the kids alone. Fair enough. I can be a it selfish about it at times.

rwalker · 01/04/2024 20:57

what would u actually do if he didn’t go spotting
It’s all well and good him stopping go but then if you don’t do anything he might as well go spotting

2ndchoice · 01/04/2024 21:31

Jesus h, are some men this boring.