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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

3 years on - I still miss him.

58 replies

Tiredmama328 · 29/03/2024 21:23

Almost 3 years ago I was in a short relationship- we were together 6 months. It was the best relationship of my life and I ended it.

I mostly ended it because my mental health was in a bad place and I didn't feel close to anyone/ I just felt detached from everyone.

I haven't stopped thinking about him.

When we broke up, I said I knew I'd never be loved so much again and I was right.
I miss him so much.

He was absolutely devastated when we split.
I've not seen him at all since we split. I tried messaging about 6 months ago- I just wrote and apologised for hurting him so much. He replied- said I shouldn't feel bad- I didn't want to be with him, he understood.

After we split, we messaged a little. He messaged about something I'd been helping him with- to thank me. That's a long time ago though.

I so want to contact him, is there any way I can?! I realise he could be in a relationship/ married by now but maybe hes not...Has anyone ever been in this situation and it worked out?!

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 08/05/2024 14:41

@Tiredmama328 did he ever get back to you?

idrinkandiknowthings · 09/05/2024 12:56

Contact him. If you don't, you will always regret it and wonder "what if..?" At the very least, if he's moved on you will have closure.

Good luck, rooting for you!! Let us all know xx

Fluffyelephant · 09/05/2024 16:06

Tiredmama328 · 05/04/2024 15:00

I was thinking of having a few more therapy sessions and discussing it with my therapist too.

I really don't want to hurt him. I broke his heart. He was very, very upset. One day I said I wanted to grow old with him. Soon after, I split. I probably really messed his head up.

I have spent all this time missing him and thinking of him (and comparing others to him) but its only now and again that I think about getting together with him again/ contacting him. I need to think this through.

Just the thought of him makes me smile.

He's not on fb. He might well be in a relationship now- probably is. I've tried to find him online but got nowhere.

He might be married.

How do I approach things given that he might not be single?!

One day I said I wanted to grow old with him. Soon after, I split.

Classic avoidant.

And on top of that, one of the common things avoidant attachers do is romanticise / obsess about an ex when they're out of reach.

I'd suggest looking into attachment theory either with a therapist or there's lots of videos on Tiktok about it before getting in touch with him.

kkloo · 12/05/2024 06:16

Fluffyelephant · 09/05/2024 16:06

One day I said I wanted to grow old with him. Soon after, I split.

Classic avoidant.

And on top of that, one of the common things avoidant attachers do is romanticise / obsess about an ex when they're out of reach.

I'd suggest looking into attachment theory either with a therapist or there's lots of videos on Tiktok about it before getting in touch with him.

Show quote history

She's already got in touch with him.

But either way not everything is about attachment styles.

The OP stated I'd been through a major trauma just before I met him and basically ended up in a bit of a mess.

BusterGonad · 12/05/2024 08:48

Tiredmama328 · 26/04/2024 19:49

I sent him a message. Finally. Waiting to see if he replies.

Did he reply?

Original poster
Tiredmama328 · 14/05/2024 11:20

He replied. Sent a really lovely response.
He isn't single. Hes in a relationship. So that's it.

I'm glad I made contact and I won't contact him again.

I feel fine- I tried- he's not free so now I know.

I think he's fine/sounds happy.

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 14/05/2024 12:30

Im happy for him but sad for you. If things are meant to be then in the future your worlds will collide again.

PalomaJaneintheDales · 14/05/2024 16:04

Please put it behind you now, OP. Work on yourself.

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