Husband refuses to let workmen in to fix the central heating

[user1476041120]

Does anyone know legally what I can do here. My boiler broke in Sept 23. My husband tried to install a brand new boiler but did not complete the job at all.
Result - I have had NO central heating or hotwater all winter. Just a log burner was lit at night . I got a Corgi Regd plumber to come and quote to put it all right . But my husband has said he will not let him in to do the work !!!

I cant let the plumber turn up and be confronted with an angry husband but I am desperate to get the heating system put back in safely. I have tried to google for answers but cant seem to find any that don't want to charge me £50 / month Anyone got any ideas ?

Sorry everyone I am here again .
I know you have all told me to leave but I am afraid . Afraid of living . I am afraid of the fight that will be inevitable if anyone aka me dares to question anything he does . He has got worse . The plumbing thing - he threatened to rip it all out whilst I was out and I have not got the strength anymore to fight back . I’m scared of being on my own at 70 . Starting again ? I feel it’s all hopeless and I have spent my whole life trying to appease him in one way or another and I’m never good enough . I am looking at a woman now who I don’t recognise as me ! I had such dreams of a comfortable life in retirement and what J have got is a man who bellows at me nearly every day over nothing. When he starts I just go out wandering about and that makes me feel worse I am at such a low point I don’t know how to make it through . It will be a nightmare separating / divorcing him and having to live in the same house . I keep thinking I could end up with no money at all - even homeless . I am truly terrified

@user1476041120 have you spoken to Women's Aid? I can't remember if it was suggested but I'd be surprised if it wasn't.
THEY WILL HELP YOU.
Can you get access to a phone without him hearing? Do you have your own phone? Can you phone from the garden or tell him you're popping out to the shops and ring from there?
You don't have to suffer this. There is help. But you have to reach out for it - and you are capable of that because you've done it here!
Please get help.
If you can't find WA number I'll get it for you.

OK WA doesn't seem to have a phone service right now so try this - National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 (free phone run by Refuge).

Please please get some help. You must find out what the actual legal position is if you want to sell a house that you jointly own. The fact of it may be that he can’t ultimately prevent the sale but that attempting to stop you will cost (him) money, maybe this would be enough for him to see that there’s no point in trying?

You could try AGE UK, they are really kind and have all sorts of assistance available. Your husband sounds abusive and has made your life intolerable. I’m nearly 70 and I live on my own and it’s fine, lovely in fact. Peaceful, easy to potter through my day , going to my groups, exercising, writing , gardening, there really is no ‘other person ‘ shaped gap. I highly recommend it.
All that bellowing that he will bleed you dry is just hot air. He’s used to getting his own way by bullying you and understandably you are worn out by it. Talk to some of the people recommended by PP and you will soon see there are other options than living a miserable and sad existence.
I wish you well xx

You've had good advice today. Talk to the people recommended.

Talk to your doctor about this. He sounds like he is losing mental capacity to the point where he could become dangerous to those around him.

Please contact Age UK OP. You don't have to live in fear with him, and believe me there is nothing to fear in living alone.

Hi op. So sorry to hear you are in this position at your age. Do you have children, friends or relatives that will help you get out? Anywhere else to stay.? Maybe speak to your gp and explain what's going on. There has been some good advice on here.

Please don’t be afraid of starting again on your own.

In my area there is lots of availability for homes for older people. You’d be so much happier in a little home of your own that you can keep tidy and safe, rather than sharing one with a man like him. Please.

I have no problem with this if he's capable, IF... but clearly he's not. Strictly speaking it requires quals. to do legally. However if capable, with a similar background he should be able to do this. It's not all that difficult.

Why he won't allow a capable installer do the job, god knows. Something else is going on.

Our neighbour lost capacity his rages were frightening. Go see your GP about him. @user1476041120

Do you have children with this man @user1476041120 ?

@SomeTrashBloke if you read OP's latest update you'll have a better idea what the something else is. 14.48 yesterday.

@user1476041120 how are you? Any progress? Wishing you well.

Please go to the police. This is coercive control.

You need to speak to women’s aid. You say you’re scared of leaving him and what may come however you’re living in a literally living hell already. By leaving him it can only get better. It’s never too late and you could have some amazing years ahead of you.

Op go and see your gp who may bring in other agencies if your dh is stopping essential maintenance being done to house.

Perhaps have a word with a friendly police person too
?

Most of all though you need a really good lawyer.

This. That is a completely unreasonable attitude and behaviour.

Meant to say; this has gone too far now. Please use this thread as a catalyst to act op. You don’t need permission to leave him. Even if he wasn’t controlling you have the right to leave. But has worn you down to the extent that you are afraid to take the initiative and it’s quite deliberate on his part to keep you under his thumb. Please take steps to leave and please ask for help and support.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/#:~:text=Coercive%20control%20is%20an%20act,punish%2C%20or%20frighten%20their%20victim.

OP, you just need to take the first step. Could you start by contacting Citizens Advice and see what they advise?

Is there anywhere else you could go OP? Do you have family or friends who could put you up? I am 60+ and initiated a divorce, I know how you must feel 10 years on the line from me and in this position. You've had the best advice on here: The National Domestic Abuse helpline is very good, especially at co-ercive control which is what is happening to you. Definitely see a solicitor, make an appointment today either get the free half hour one or I paid about £180 for an hour was well worth it.

The suggestions to see your GP and Age UK are also both very important; maybe try those first if they seem less threatening? But unless you ask one of these agencies for help you are going to continue stuck there and it will get worse.

Some (not all) Citizens Advice Bureaus can refer you to a service where you see a housing officer, a solicitor and a domestic abuse person all on one day - used to be called "one stop shop". Again you can ask locally.

Of all the suggestions the quickest and easiest is Age UK. Don't suffer this alone anymore.

Just seen that this was started a month ago sorry, but I hope OP you can get some support now.

@user1476041120 hasn't answered a single question in a month, hasn't taken on board a lick of advice.

I went through it again this morning. I think someone is yanking our chain.

However, we may have helped someone else in a similar situation, which is a good thing is it not?

Just noticed age of thread