Husband refuses to let workmen in to fix the central heating

[user1476041120]

Does anyone know legally what I can do here. My boiler broke in Sept 23. My husband tried to install a brand new boiler but did not complete the job at all.
Result - I have had NO central heating or hotwater all winter. Just a log burner was lit at night . I got a Corgi Regd plumber to come and quote to put it all right . But my husband has said he will not let him in to do the work !!!

I cant let the plumber turn up and be confronted with an angry husband but I am desperate to get the heating system put back in safely. I have tried to google for answers but cant seem to find any that don't want to charge me £50 / month Anyone got any ideas ?

What your husband has done is illegal. Only Gas Safe engineers should be installing boilers. Gas kills! You need an engineer in there asap to give you a quote to rectify the issues. Have you got savings as it won’t be cheap? Then you need to go to a solicitor to discuss divorce.

Connecting it to the gas is illegal. However you can theoretically put everything together ready for the final connection to be made by the registered (was CORGI think it's something else now) registered engineer - but few boiler installers will want to finish off someone else's work as they won't want to certify anything they've not completely done themselves..

Is he forgetful? Could it be dementia that is making him aggressive?

Your protection is divorce. You have been with this difficult man for 50 years. He is not going to change. If you don't like it you change. Refuse to accept it and leave the marriage. Assets will be split.

You're cold miserable, living with a hoarder in a home I wouldn't want my grandchildren to visit. Do you really want to nurse this man if it's dementia.

You have family, who you must talk to. You've £400k equity in the house. I'd file for divorce. The solicitor can take his cut out of the equity.

Go and look at housing association or private flats in the area. Ours sells for around £100k. 2 bedrooms
You'll be as snug as a bug in a rug in one.

@user1476041120

My MIL moved to here when widowed. Lived there for 17 years. Much happier than when she was married. It was warm, low maintenance.

"1 bedroom retirement property for sale in Penrhyn Court, Penrhyn Bay, LL30" https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/135935747#/?channel=RES_BUY

Doesn't it look lovely?

OP if you don't do anything and allow your husband to continue to muck around with gas, his "handiwork" could cause an explosion that kills or seriously injures not only you two but your neighbours even if you live in a detached property.

So while you owe it to yourself to get away from this mean man, you owe it to your family and neighbours.

This reminds me my childhood house when I was young, anything got broken, was never replaced, in the end we had no water and I had to go to well to get freezing water so I could brush my teeth, no mention I couldn’t even get washed, only in freezing water from well standing in bucket for days.
I remember my then boyfriend came over and I was SO so embarrassed, no toilet, no water, he stayed overnight and went for wee, jumping from a window and jumping back in.
We also had no toilet as apparently wasn’t needed, had to go into garden like cats or had a hole in the ground.... oh those were the days ( 80s)

I want to add to the dementia possibility because it sounds like my dad who became much worse as he aged re not letting people in the house, insisting he could fix everything while my mum froze and had to go about with a torch cos the electricity was fucked. Nightmare. Is he a hoarder by any chance?

In the end we went to social services, he refused to engage with them and eventually he was sectioned for assessment. During the months he spent in a hospital, he was found to have a very strong and aggressive facade with very little behind it in terms of ability to do the things he swore blind he could do.

I agree. There are often news reports about massive explosions due to gas appliances which destroy the house and damage property and often kill the person in the house. Can't you arrange a gas fitter yourself and tell your husband - "Gasfitter is coming on blah de blah date" end off. Do you have any DC who could intervene?

If he's not Gas Safe registered (the new Corgi) he shouldn't be messing with a boiler. It's not a handyman job, and for good reason.

I agree with others that leaving him and taking your share of equity to start again is the best option, he isn't thinking about your comfort let alone your safety.

He sounds controlling and awful to live with, you don't have to carry on like this.

Do you have any family who can support you?

This^

Its possible he’s botched things up so much it’s going to cost extra to fix the mess he made.

Get a plumber in to at least look at it while dh is out and don’t tell him beforehand !

Let them in yourself. He won't act up in front of them. And if he threatens you at any time call the police and keep calling them till he backs off.

Hi
I did arrange a plumber but I made the mistake of telling my H that he was all booked and coming - The job can’t be done in a day and my H is threatening not to let him in and rip out any work that’s done . It’s daft really I can see now that I need to either say
The work is being done - like it or not or divorce papers ? I suppose the outcome will be the same . It looks like I will be ending my marriage anyway . I’m very very sad about that when I think of all to r good years we had

I'm so sorry op. I'd cancel the plumber if your husband is just going to wreck their work and work on leaving. Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Feel for you. I had a similar situation. Husband refused any workmen access to our home throughout out 17 years together. He said he could do everything himself. Only he didn’t do it. Over the years I tolerated no heating, no hot water, no washing machine, no dishwasher… all things that were installed, broke at some time and never got fixed. We had 3 kids so it was stressful. A broken window got taped up with a black bin liner never reglazed. I once got super stressed whilst pregnant wanting new baby’s room to be decorated. I couldn’t paint high up, I did the bits I could and got someone in to quote. He was awful about it. Refused to speak to me for weeks. Still wasn’t talking to me at the birth. He got up super early the day before the decorator was due and painted the room. He told me to cancel the decorator. I thought such short notice to cancel was unfair to a self employed guy, so I just asked the decorator to decorate a different room. Husband never let it lie. Looking back, it wasn’t worth the hassle. Should have left the place undecorated and just left him. He remained as difficult throughout our marriage. I eventually left but it was hard. He was super stubborn during our divorce. Made it very upsetting, frustrating and expensive. He lied about everything, mostly to reduce the financial settlement for me as much as possible. It took 4.5 years and £52k in legal fees to finally be free. He showed zero emotion when I left. Told my mom he’d do anything to get me back, then changed the locks the next day and threw all my stuff out. He was hard as nails. Made it as hard for me as possible. Ensured I was penniless for as long as possible. The first Christmas on my own was really hard. I asked him to contribute half to kids presents. He agreed, I bought the gifts, wrapped and labelled them from ‘mom and dad’, as they had requested. He then refused to give his half of the money. Told me to take his name off the labels. Left me in financial difficulty. He was a wealthy chap so none of it was about money difficulty. He was just a stubborn person who had no interest in having a comfortable,happy, home. It just wasn’t important to him. He made it financially very hard for me to leave. I think your husband will be similar. I’d say you are young enough still to leave. Take a long term view: will this man ever do the right thing by you? What happens in a few years if you have a health issue? Will he look after you? I think not. There are many guys looking for someone like you to love and to look after. Leave your husband, find someone who takes good care of you. Enjoy the years you have left with someone better. I was lucky, I found a place to go that was rent free which took a huge amount of stress off, and my mom was super supportive. Since then I have met a nice guy who helps me do anything I need. Spoils me. Encourages me to spoil myself. Plus he’s a great cook. :)

I'm so sorry OP. I agree with pp and cancel the plumber. Use that money to speak to a solicitor regarding your rights as once you know what you are entitled to then some of the fear disappears. You can do the actual divorce online (go to gov.uk) which makes it cheaper but you do need a solicitor for the financial side - make sure that is settled before requesting the final divorce part (old term was decree absolute).

Concentrate on leaving. Someone will buy a house that's seen better days, just at a lower price. Accept that as there is nothing you can do to increase its value anymore. I'm in a similar position - H won't spend as he can do the work but doesn't. After 30 years of living like this I'm out, he can live in a hovel if that's what he wants but I don't have to.

OP is this usual behaviour for him?

If it is out of character I would contact his GP if you can get him there or adult social services if you can't. He could have a urine infection or it could be the onset of dementia.

Let the plumber in to do a safety check only given DHs reaction. You’ve no idea if DH has isolated the supply properly. If he hasn’t you are at risk of an explosion - your house will be blown apart along with any neighbours. You could also be at risk from dying of carbon monoxide poisoning - it doesn't smell and leaking gas often isn’t detected because it sinks to the ground below your nose level so you can’t smell that. At least then you’ll know IF you are safe. Beyond that see your GP and a solicitor for longer term help to either get out of the marriage/ get help for DH

^ Given there's been more than one house blown up over the last few years, with catastrophic consequences for the occupants and their neighbours.

@VisitationRights Hatgirl knows the Care Act and the practical realities of what Adult Social Care in England and Wales actually do, which is pretty well only what they are mandated to do and she wants to spare OP going round the houses. I expect Hatgirl either works in/adjacent to ASC or has experience as a service user or Carer so don't troll her. The front door team at ASC will establish whether OP meets the criteria (which Hatgirl has described) for a S42 Safegarding Enquiry. If doesnt meet this criteria she will be offered advice, and this will be to contact the local domestic abuse organisation. OP would be assigned an Independent Domestic Violence Advocate (who is absolutely the right professional to help) as her husband's conduct may be a criminal offence - coercive control. That practitioner will help her to work out how to protect herself.
If this was my partner, and this sort of behaviour is either out character or a huge amplification of existing traits, and he's 70, I would be telling his GP. Sudden changes in behaviour or personality can indicate acute physical illness, more established changes can be an early sign of dementia.
If OPs husband has touched the gas supply in his attempts to replace the boiler and is not Gas Safe registered I would advise that it is inspected by a qualified person with a Police presence, to ensure the person can work safely, if neccessary. I would contact National Gas for advice. If he is Gas Safe Registered, report him and say he has abandoned work. Gas safety affects everyone.
Good luck to you OP and stay safe.

Jesus, he could have killed you both. You could easily have a gas leak.

The boiler will likely need to be removed and fitted / commissioned properly, which will be £500-£1000 .
Why it’s legal to sell boilers to unregistered people I don’t know.

My DH needs £2million of liability insurance, regular Gas safe training and registration in order to fit boilers.
You need help to rid yourself of this Man , he sounds like a lunatic.

Hi OP. I'm sorry if you've covered this and I missed it, but why would he rip out a professional's work? I'm struggling to understand the why of that, if the work is already done and paid for!

OP I'm only a few years younger than you.

Do you think he'd use violence?
Do you have access to your joint savings?

How about ringing Age UK for some legal advice?