New bf has ss involved

[Booloohoo]

I got with a new bf last year.
His ex wife is with someone on SO register I advised bf to ring SS he did that trigger a assessment just before this we split due to ex wife accusing my kids of bullying saying I wasn't safe around their kids. I am dbs checked as I work with children. I decided I couldn't cope with the bs and left him. We remained friends.
So his kids are now on a CiN and we have talked about trying again but with changes ie I would not see or go near his house or kids due to HCBM.
But would that bring SS into my life if I wasn't not around his kids at all. ??

[wizzywig]

You'd be dealing with random enquiries depending on the whim of his ex.

[PuffinMcStuffin]

Is this guy really worth this?

[PollyOttle]

Have I got this right: you got a new boyfriend last year (so some time in 2023?)

His ex wife has a sex offender boyfriend so you told your boyfriend to ring social services, which he did.

Then his ex wife accused your children of bullying, but said it was YOU rather than your children who weren't safe near the children?

You opted out of the drama.

His kids are now on a Child In Need plan.

If you had another go at the relationship you would not go near his house or kids due to their "High Conflict Birth Mother" (good luck using a term like that on here in respect of the mother of the children of a boyfriend you saw for a few months last year).

Do the children live with his ex-wife?

If so, and it's her parenting that has caused them to be on a CIN why are they not with him full time and having contact with her?

Were your children bullying his?

Personally I would leave this drama-soaked nightmare a long way behind and find someone stable. If the children are on a CIN then in theory social services might be interested in checking the background of any new partner but if you are never seen then it's unlikely to be a priority, unless it's relevant to the reasons they are on a CIN.

[MzHz]

@PuffinMcStuffin

Is this guy really worth this?

This.

clue, he is not.

why in the name of god would you INVITE this shitstorm into your life?

be friends by all means, but stay out of a relationship

[GreatGateauxsby]

@PuffinMcStuffin

Is this guy really worth this?

My thoughts exactly

[WeightoftheWorld]

Walk away OP, it won't end well. You don't need all this. There are plenty of nice single blokes that don't come with all THIS.

[InTheShallowTheShalalalalalalalow]

This situation could risk your job and SS intervention with your kids.

I also wouldn't be with someone who needed to be told to report a SO living with hos kids either.

This man is not that special.

[FineWordsButterNoParsnips]

The man failed to report his kids were being made to live with a sex offender until you told him, and you find that appealing in a man?
Are you really that desperate for a boyfriend that you'd inflict this shit show on your kids (again) and yourself? There are billions of blokes in existence, don't date something from an episode of Jeremy Kyle.

[Changingplace]

Walk away from all of this, why would you willingly have this kind of drama in your life.

[Booloohoo]

Ex wife accused my kids of bullying none happened and then accused me of not been safe around kids due to me allowing my kids to go anywhere in the village I live it's tiny 30 house, everyone knows each other 15 houses are our family members.
He has 3 kids 2 live with him 1 with her. Ss have allowed her and her bf to have access and over nights but it's to be supervised for her bf .

[Dacadactyl]

How did you know that the ex wife had a SO boyfriend?

Its unlikely to be something you would know if SS didn't tbh. Probation/another agency would already have raised it to SS.

As an aside, anyone with his kids on a CP plan who hasn't immediately taken them into his own home and has father left them around a SO is not worth knowing.

[PennyPickles60]

@Booloohoo

Ex wife accused my kids of bullying none happened and then accused me of not been safe around kids due to me allowing my kids to go anywhere in the village I live it's tiny 30 house, everyone knows each other 15 houses are our family members.
He has 3 kids 2 live with him 1 with her. Ss have allowed her and her bf to have access and over nights but it's to be supervised for her bf .

Your bf has 2 of the children living with him but one still lives with his/her mother and her partner who SS have concerns around because he’s a sex offender? Am I understanding that correctly?

[Booloohoo]

He knew due to his ex wife having 10 year emotional relationship with the SO.
He then told me and due to my duty of care because of my job I told him to report it or I would.
She didn't have the SO around any of her kids for.6.month but we got wind of a holiday that was booked and he was going. So that's when I said it need to be reported asap

[Mummame2222]

What a shit show. Why would anyone willingly get involved in this mess?

[Booloohoo]

@PennyPickles60 yep. You got it .

[PennyPickles60]

@Booloohoo

@PennyPickles60 yep. You got it .

What is the reason your bf has custody of 2 of his 3 dc?

[Booloohoo]

@PennyPickles60 she left all 3 when they split up with him.
1 was having issues so agreement was made between them for that child to live with her family with her . Other 2 didn't have over nights with mum at the time.
Since then she moved in with SO during the assessment the on a cin ss gave permission for overnights with supervision.

[PennyPickles60]

@Booloohoo

@PennyPickles60 she left all 3 when they split up with him.
1 was having issues so agreement was made between them for that child to live with her family with her . Other 2 didn't have over nights with mum at the time.
Since then she moved in with SO during the assessment the on a cin ss gave permission for overnights with supervision.

How old are the dc? If your bf knows one of his dc is around a known SO why wouldn’t he be going back to court to get his dc out of that situation?

[Booloohoo]

@PennyPickles60
16 12 10
16 has said they won't live with him and other 2.
He's in the process of going to court but also trying to do what ss say is OK.

[PennyPickles60]

The 16 year old is still living with his/her dm and the SO?

[EverybodyLTB]

But why do you want a relationship with someone so woefully inept, that they had to be convinced to take action when their children were at risk from a sex offender?

I get so frustrated when I think of small red flags we all miss, little tells, certain behaviours at the beginning of a relationship. This is a big fat, massive red flag being wafted at you, IMO. He’s as bad as the mum, just letting this shit happen, needing you to threaten to tell Ss unless he did. What is attractive about this man?

[Whatifthehokeycokey]

There are 30 houses in your village and 15 of them contain your family?

[FineWordsButterNoParsnips]

Can you explain why you want to date such a shit show?

Why are people pestering for irrelevant details? The point is her standards are worryingly low.

[Booloohoo]

@Whatifthehokeycokey yep 15 houses are my family (parents,siblings, aunties ,uncles)

[PennyPickles60]

@FineWordsButterNoParsnips

Can you explain why you want to date such a shit show?

Why are people pestering for irrelevant details? The point is her standards are worryingly low.

If that’s aimed at me the details are not irrelevant. Children over the age of 12 are given opportunity to state what they think is best for them. The very fact that a 16 year old chose a SO over her own father says a great deal about her father