Any creative ways to shut up an adult bully?

[PIKNIK20]

I came up with one...
I joined a very nice community choir a few years ago. People are so friendly to each other. As it is a community choir, there were no divas. I felt at home instantly, loved the songs and the way "the choir master" treated the members, even though I am not the best at catching all the harmonies, there were lots of people like me, and that was reassuring. No matter.
But along came a "know it all" woman, let us call her Jane, who clearly had had training, could read music, etc. So, sometimes people would ask the choir master questions to clarify things. I did twice in one session, and each time Jane, standing in the front row, would proceed to answer the question clearly posed to him, not her. After the session I told her how annoying, intimidating, and simply rude that was. I did not think she quite understood how important it was to maintain a friendly, non-judgemental atmosphere, but in the end she told me that she would not do it again.
But of course, she did it again a few months later. Then I just spoke to the Chair Lady of the choir Committee and she promised to talk to her, though reluctantly. She said she did, but I am not sure if she really did.
This was ruining my really enjoying the choir sessions, though I knew that I was not going to quit because of that silly woman. So finally, I came up with the solution, which I have not tried yet, but am going to definitely use: Next time she does anything patronizing like that, I would just say:
YES, MOTHER SUPERIOR! YES, MATRON!
I am very curious of her (and other members) reaction, but I think it should work, as nobody likes to be mocked and laughed at.
Please give us examples how you have dealt with adult bullies or in any conflict situations, creatively.

It is you who is the bully. Is it your place to tell this woman off, are you the lead chorister?

you also bullied the other lady into doing something she didn’t feel comfortable doing.

you told the other lady that it’s important not to be judgemental or intimidating whilst being those things yourself? You must lack self awareness of you believe the other person is the bully.

You really lack empathy the way you are planning to humiliate this lady who at worst is a bit of a know all.

Not only is she not being a bully, but you come across as one yourself.
Literally plotting how to try and humiliate her if she steps out of line, and asking strangers for ideas how to add to it?
Take a look in the mirror

In my experience bullies don’t consider their actions to be unacceptable as they are convinced that the target deserves it because of a perceived flaw.

OP what has this person done that you feel is intimidating?

Is it Miss Mountshaft doing the butting in? (If you’re old enough to know, you’ll know) x

Next time she does anything patronizing like that, I would just say:
YES, MOTHER SUPERIOR! YES, MATRON!
I am very curious of her (and other members) reaction, but I think it should work, as nobody likes to be mocked and laughed at.

You are the bully here, OP.

Ooooh no, don't do that. You will come across as unhinged

I can see how this is annoying but it's not bullying. I suppose another way to look at it is if she actually does know the answer to the question you are asking does it really matter if it came from her or the choirmaster?
Maybe she's just trying to be helpful and fit in

I'll tell you how I'd handle that: I'd simply say 'I'm sorry, what did you just say'. And you'd repeat it. And I'd say again 'I do beg your pardon, can you repeat that?' And you'd say it again. Everyone else would be feeling very awkward by this point, by the way, but I'm a dick, so I would say once more 'I'm terribly sorry Janet, I'm still not catching you.' My record is six times for a man calling me 'missy' (I'm 55). He crumpled. You will too.

So you give it a go and hope she's not as switched on and able to handle herself as I am.

You'd be looking pretty silly, but at least you admit that you are a dick.

This is why I avoid 'community groups'. Both the OP and her target are exactly the sort of people I want to stay away from.

This is not bullying.

You sound irritating.

God I’d die of utter cringe if I were a member of your choir and you said “Yes Mother Superior” or “Yes Matron” after an incident such as you’ve described. I can hear the tumbleweed just thinking about it…

Don’t do it OP!

Life isn't a sitcom, some of these ideas would work in a (shit) script but not reality. The onlookers won't start clapping for you in the real world either.

She sounds like a know-it-all, kinda like an Hermione Granger-type person. But she doesn't sound anything remotely like a bully, I'm not sure what your definition of a bully is.

Why are you her friend? She doesn't sound like a nice person or a friend. I would avoid having anything to do with her.

There are always people in choirs who behave like this - (looking at you, Highgate Choral Society).

What's more annoying is the number of people who can't sing properly, who waste everyone's time and ruin the singing.

If you can't sing in tune, don't join a choir.

She's not bullying you, as a multitude of other posters have pointed out to you. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder about her though. Annoying though she may be, she's trying to help you. You're choosing to interpret this as belittling you in some way.

OP, I feel 90% sure this is a reverse.

And I think this part, has already happened to you.
“Next time she does anything patronizing like that, I would just say:
YES, MOTHER SUPERIOR! YES, MATRON!”

If this is in fact the dilemma you’re dealing with, where is the ‘bullying’ element? Bullying is about power and control, it seems like you exert that more than ‘Jane’. Get to know her abit and actually, if it’s a friendly choir, why can’t others offer contributions and teachings? I learn so much from groups in my profession. Are you curious about why this feels like ‘bullying’ to you?

It sounds like you’ve put yourself in the position of the ring leader/spokesperson for the group.

What you said to her was really awful and unkind. You need to look at your own behaviour, before you’re the one that ruins the group.

You sound jealous of her skills and experience and knowledge OP.

i understand how frustrating it is when envy is eating away at you and every breath or word uttered becomes an irritation but ultimately it sounds like you are the problem here and your proposed behaviour would make you the bully.

fwiw my mil sounds just like this woman
, she’s in an amateur choir with lots of professional experience and she is an irritating know it all but it genuinely comes from a place of insecurity and lack of self confidence rather than bullying or malice.

@Topseyt123 perhaps so, but the man in question has never called another woman 'missy' in my hearing, and I bet the OP wouldn't have called me Mother Superior twice either.

Why in this situation would you do that? It doesn't sound like she is speaking out of turn, or trying to bully anyone, just being a bit gung-ho with her experience and musical knowledge which is leading to some of the less trained members feel intimidated. You'd look mad. As would the OP with her mother superior nonsense.

If anything, she should thank her and refer back to the leader as PP says but if they group is that friendly and non judgemental surely there's a place for someone with a bit more expertise to share?

Ah got you, thought you meant OP say that to the woman, sorry!

How absolutely obnoxious and appalling! Am assuming you with your attitude and plan to ridicule her is the bully?