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Original poster

Call him out or just block and move on?

34 replies

HJ82 · 27/03/2024 16:14

Long story... sorry, just really need some girlie advice here. Try to keep it brief.

I started very casually seeing a man in April 2022. In October 22 I suggested dating and getting to know each other better. We went on a few dates and things were good but he wasn't as available as I needed for a relationship, so I ended it. At the time I knew he had an "ex" and a 3 year old. Same situation as myself. He worked a lot and co-parented full time (prob a lie)

I'd been to his house - very much a mans house, no sign of wife/girlfriend. There were bottles and baby accessories, jungle gym etc which I thought was weird at the time as his DD was older, but he said he'd just kept the things and hadn't bothered getting rid of yet.

Fast forward to 2024 and I randomly ran into him amongst 1000's of people at an event, we decided to start things up again. HOWEVER Facebook suggested him as a friend this morning and I have since done some digging.... He has 2 children, not one. Never mentioned the 2nd child, which turns out was born exactly when we met in '22. Should I confront him with this information? Why on earth would a cheater have this info public on FB lol. I've met his friends multiple times. So them knowing me didn't present a huge red flag in terms of him still being with her. Obviously I now feel played as some gullible side chick (gross). Even if they were separated (I truly hope so) and had a moment back together in 2021 before she fell pregnant with the 2nd, he was still dishonest and has never mentioned this 2nd child to me! Obvs him saying my ex just gave birth when we met would have made me run, so I understand why he hid that!! ewww.

I feel like I have to call him out on this! How can one really know the truth if he's single or not? Message the ex on FB? Good grief no. I do have some feelings now, which makes this really difficult. Never thought I'd be in this position. We share a lot about both our DD's lives too. I know the best thing to do is forget this person due to the dishonesty. What would you ladies do?

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 27/03/2024 16:17

I really don't see the point in confronting him, he will just make excuses, maybe try and talk you around.

Just block / ignore him, he will realise you know soon enough. Don't give him any more attention.

fluffycloudalert · 27/03/2024 16:17

You really need to ask?

Bubblegum132 · 27/03/2024 16:20

Block and move on. Why continue to complicate your life and waste time on that.

SamW98 · 27/03/2024 16:25

Block and move on.

Confronting him is a waste of energy because he’ll either lie, not give a shit or see it as evidence you’re bothered about him.

writergirl007 · 27/03/2024 16:26

I'd ask him why he lied about his relationship.and second child.

He's made you feel crap .

Just asking will make him feel crap too

He'll also be worried you'll tell his partner (even if you don't mention doing this).

Don't let him just wander off thinking what fun he had. Let him sweat a bit - might stop him doing it again.

Original poster
HJ82 · 27/03/2024 16:32

That's my thinking. Why just let him go, thinking I blocked him just cos I changed my mind.

OP posts:
writergirl007 · 27/03/2024 23:13

I always feel better when I've called out men on their shirty behaviour. Maybe he'll think again before lying to the next woman?

TwistedCable · 27/03/2024 23:17

block and move on.

Volbeat · 27/03/2024 23:21

I don't think I'd be able to hold my tongue. I would tell him I know

NeurodivergentBurnout · 27/03/2024 23:31

I’d probably say ‘I’ve discovered you liked to me about significant things so I won’t be seeing you again’. Then block. Brief explanation as to why. Makes him wonder what and how you found out but no big confrontation, there’s nothing he can say to justify or explain his behaviours. Equally you haven’t just ghosted him.

kkloo · 28/03/2024 02:06

I'd have to call him out on it but if you want to hurt him back then the best thing to do is just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and then block.

Yoe · 28/03/2024 02:12

You know what I would do here . I wouldn’t invest 1% of my time or energy in this person either dating or calling him out . This is what I think you have to follow ur gut here but there are red flags … best of luck you are deserving of a nice trusting and fabulous relationship

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 28/03/2024 02:42

Stop wasting your precious time on low quality men. Move on.

Original poster
HJ82 · 28/03/2024 06:24

kkloo · 28/03/2024 02:06

I'd have to call him out on it but if you want to hurt him back then the best thing to do is just tell him he doesn't do it for you anymore and then block.

Hahaha. The only way to hurt a man is hurt his ego. 🤦🏻‍♀️ eww

OP posts:
Original poster
HJ82 · 28/03/2024 06:31

Yoe · 28/03/2024 02:12

You know what I would do here . I wouldn’t invest 1% of my time or energy in this person either dating or calling him out . This is what I think you have to follow ur gut here but there are red flags … best of luck you are deserving of a nice trusting and fabulous relationship

I know. Easier said than done. Unfortunately ruminating on this. I wish a was one of those women to just block and stop thinking about it. And thank you. I’ve lost hope there are good men anymore.

OP posts:
Rockiepride · 28/03/2024 06:34

I’d always call people out for shitty behaviour. There’s too many of them that think they can get away with treating people as they please without any consequence

WandaWonder · 28/03/2024 06:39

Rockiepride · 28/03/2024 06:34

I’d always call people out for shitty behaviour. There’s too many of them that think they can get away with treating people as they please without any consequence

What consequence? He has moved on so to me this proves the op hasn't

Rockiepride · 28/03/2024 06:47

WandaWonder · 28/03/2024 06:39

What consequence? He has moved on so to me this proves the op hasn't

Show quote history

The OP suggests they are currently still dating. And the consequences are that he can act like a moron without anyone telling him so.

supercali77 · 28/03/2024 06:54

Yeah on something like that I'd absolutely call him out. Men on dating apps get away with sh*t far too often because they can hide things.

Although more than likely the only consequence of this with him is that he'll lock down his fb profile so any future dates he wants to lie to would never know his situation.

Original poster
HJ82 · 28/03/2024 07:13

WandaWonder · 28/03/2024 06:39

What consequence? He has moved on so to me this proves the op hasn't

Show quote history

We are still dating. I’ve not told him I know yet. Still working out what to say… Obvs I’m moving on.

OP posts:
Original poster
HJ82 · 28/03/2024 07:15

supercali77 · 28/03/2024 06:54

Yeah on something like that I'd absolutely call him out. Men on dating apps get away with sh*t far too often because they can hide things.

Although more than likely the only consequence of this with him is that he'll lock down his fb profile so any future dates he wants to lie to would never know his situation.

Good point!! I couldn’t even find his profile last year. It’s only because fb suggested it to me that I investigated. The universe always comes through! He had lied about his last name!!! Yuck

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 28/03/2024 07:20

HJ82 · 28/03/2024 07:13

We are still dating. I’ve not told him I know yet. Still working out what to say… Obvs I’m moving on.

Show quote history

So why on earth are you still seeing him?

colouredball · 28/03/2024 07:24

The 'call him out' thing will get you nowhere but an argument. He knows he has a second child. He knows he has lied about it. All that will happen is you will get drawn into a needless argument. Also don't just block him, you are seeing him so end it, then block

Original poster
HJ82 · 28/03/2024 07:49

WandaWonder · 28/03/2024 07:20

So why on earth are you still seeing him?

Show quote history

Im not I found out yesterday I haven’t messaged him since nor do I plan on seeing him again.

OP posts:
Monkeybusiness09 · 28/03/2024 08:09

Block. He's a liar so he will never be honest with you. He will reel you back in with lies and excuses.

My friend was seeing a guy,all going good or so she thought. She had been to his home, met his friends etc. Turns out he was hiding the fact that his ex was almost 9 months pregnant with his child. He knew time was running out and eventually told her two weeks before ex gave birth. He tried to say he only found out, didn't know she was pregnant. He was there for the birth and soon after rang my friend to see if she was around. She met up with him and whilst they were out the ex was ringing his phone. My friend asked him to answer that there might be something wrong and his response was " if there is, she can ring my mother and my mother will tell me". My friend walked out and felt sick to her stomach about his treatment of the ex who had just given birth. I might add ex was 40, he was 30 and friend was 35, so not young as such.

He told lies from the start and all the signs were there.