Really hoping for some advice and other people’s perspectives. For context, my DH and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1. We have a DS aged 2. We have a happy marriage, DH has always been very understanding, open and trustworthy. In addition, he has always been very trusting of me and I’ve given him no reason to not be.
The last few days he has been a bit off and finally told me this morning that he went through my phone as had a gut feeling. This followed me sending him a private photo at the weekend, intended for his eyes only, and I asked if he’d deleted it after he’d given it to his niece to take to the park so we had a means of contacting her. He hadn’t and so I asked him in future to delete them from the chat history, which I always do, to avoid anyone else unwittingly seeing! This was reasonable in my opinion but he says this triggered something by for him and he felt perhaps there was more stuff I was deleting/hiding on my phone. I have to say, this is completely unlikely him and I’ve never seen a hint of distrust or jealousy before.
anyway, he’s said this morning that as a result he has gone through my phone. Obviously there was nothing to find in the 5 years we’ve been together but he has continued to go back on messages during the 3 years I was single before him. Whilst kicking myself now that I didn’t delete, messages to casual flings etc were all there for him to read. Some of this was sexting/photos etc which is completely my choice as a single woman at the time.
he has got upset this morning and quite annoyed saying that he no longer sees me in the same light and doesn’t know how we will get passed it. Have I done wrong here? My biggest concern is why he felt the need to look at my phone at all when this has never been the case. I can’t change my past and now feel really embarrassed at him having read them and repeating back to me what he read/saw. How do I fix this?!