My gf regularly meets another guy in our local town. They go for coffee. Or sometimes to the pub.
Other guy is someone we both know. And they tell me, its just friendship and company. (I work long hours, and they both have a lot of time on their hands)
To me, it feels like a betrayal even if it is purely platonic.
Their meets are very regular. They spend a lot of time texting each other. I'm not the type to snoop on her phone. But did have a look one time, and she'd deleted all messages.
Should I be concerned. What would you do?
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Relationships
Goes out with another guy. Platonic
Martin123456 · 27/03/2024 07:46
TealHelper · 27/03/2024 08:03
Women can be friends with straight men but straight men 99% of the time can't because they are hardwired to see sex everywhere and to be down to fuck pretty much anything.
So I wouldn't be happy with opposite sex friendships in general, as you would have to be so naive and delusional to think there is never any sexual tension or attraction.
In your particular story, her deleting the messages indicates she is hiding something. The way you are away so much and she is finding attention and emotional support from another man who has the space and time to meet her, undoubtedly when he is freshly washed and dressed, in a neutral or romantic place where she doesn't see the housework and diy waiting to be done, she sees him in the best conditions at the best times when he is in the mood to chat and listen meanwhile you come home drained and tired, have to do chores or zone out in front of tv..of course he will seem wonderful!
You need to speak to her because even if she stops her friendship with this guy, your wife is lonely and neglected and the set up makes it very easy to cheat. Even if she doesn't ever cheat your relationship will suffer from lack of intimacy and how much you work away. It's like you are carving 2 different life paths.
CryptoFascist · 27/03/2024 08:06
How long have you been together?
Do you live together?
How long has she known her friend?
Don't you have any opposite sex friends? If not, why not?
NotQuiteNorma · 27/03/2024 09:16
Women can be friends with straight men but straight men 99% of the time can't because they are hardwired to see sex everywhere and to be down to fuck pretty much anything
Tell me you're a misandrist without telling me you're a misandrist...
CryptoFascist · 27/03/2024 10:22
why are posters so quick to assume they are married? The OP states "gf".
I wonder whether the OP will return with additional information or is just looking for a load of answers to confirm his thoughts that it's naughty to have opposite sex friends.
TealHelper · 27/03/2024 11:24
Acknowledging biological differences isn't misandry. It's delusional and unscientific to think men think and behave just like women, they never will by virtue of biology and society. I am so sick and tired of people assuming that equality means identical.
NotQuiteNorma · 27/03/2024 09:16
Women can be friends with straight men but straight men 99% of the time can't because they are hardwired to see sex everywhere and to be down to fuck pretty much anything
Tell me you're a misandrist without telling me you're a misandrist...
WildFlowerBees · 27/03/2024 07:51
Women are capable of having men as friends that they aren't attracted to. It's not a betrayal if they are just that, friends. However I'd be suspicious of deleted messages. What did she say when you asked her about them?
TealHelper · 27/03/2024 12:28
@TheCadoganArms The only ones with your opinion are defensive men exposed or delusional women using men 'friends' as ego boost mascarading as equality between the sexes.
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TealHelper · 27/03/2024 12:28
@TheCadoganArms The only ones with your opinion are defensive men exposed or delusional women using men 'friends' as ego boost mascarading as equality between the sexes.
TealHelper · 27/03/2024 12:46
This opposite sex friendship topic has been done to death on MN and after several back and forth with those in favor it always transpires that oh well 10 years ago we slept together once or 5 years ago we got drunk and kissed but friendship continued. I just dont believe it's ever purely platonic and anonymous online comments would never trump my and others lived experience. Even if a comment is genuine it often lacks self awareness and conveniently forgets certain events. Amazing what the human mind chooses to remember.
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