Goes out with another guy. Platonic

[Martin123456]

My gf regularly meets another guy in our local town. They go for coffee. Or sometimes to the pub.

Other guy is someone we both know. And they tell me, its just friendship and company. (I work long hours, and they both have a lot of time on their hands)

To me, it feels like a betrayal even if it is purely platonic.

Their meets are very regular. They spend a lot of time texting each other. I'm not the type to snoop on her phone. But did have a look one time, and she'd deleted all messages.

Should I be concerned. What would you do?

And again I would look at the company you keep. I’m 55 and my entire adult life I’ve socialised in mixed sex groups and NEVER had sex or even kissed any of my close male friends, some of whom I’ve known for nearly 40 years.

Nothing wrong with my memories - as recently as a fortnight ago we were away for the weekend with a large mixed group married, attached, single, male, female and just like every other holiday, weekend away, festival etc, we all managed to avoid trying it on with each other.

Ive had male friends stay over loads of times and we’ve managed to keep our underwear on. It’s not that difficult to mind genuine male friends who don’t see every female friend as a convenient vagina.

Yes over the years, some of the singles have ended up together but that’s something that’s developed over time rather than it being purely about sex.

Just because your personal experience is different doesn’t make yours more valid than anyone else’s.

An awful lot of projection going on there. 😂

Seriously, do you want to have a think about your values there.

The house and the relationship are separate, if you want both you have to do each of them. It is as ridiculous to think that the nice house means you get to neglect her as it would be to be an amazing partner and hope for a reduction in your rent.

its betrayal. draw a line and stick to it.

Funny because I've been friends with a guy for over 20 years and nothing has ever happened between us. He's now married, I went to his wedding, I've seen his daughters grow up, I'm treated like part of the family.

Men and women can be friends with no sex involved. It's not hard. And no he doesn't want to sleep with me (the thought is just wrong), he treats me like a sister.

Some PP obviously keep unpleasant company. If any guy started acting creepy in our friendship group, he'd be roundly ousted.

Are these 1 on 1 meetings? Are there no other friendship groups they are both in? Does she go and meeting other people?

If he is her main friendship that is a bit odd, some guy she knows through you. Who did she hang out with before she met you?

Deleting text messages is weird.

Ditto our group. There’s been a few people passed through who got a bit creepy and they were told in no uncertain terms that’s not how we are as a collective so either stop perving or find other friends.

I have male friend who absolutely are not attracted to me and have no intentions other than friendship.

How do I know this? Because none of them have ever hit on me, drunk or sober, in over 10 years of friendship. (Other men do so I must be attractive to some!) I don't believe any of them have the patience to pine over my secretly for ten years hoping that secretly one day I will discover they are the love of my life!

Men & women absolutely can be friends.

I am a woman in my early 50s divorced and have always had male friends, some for almost 40 yrs. I have a partner. I spent today with a male friend - we went to Camden for a mooch, to the National Gallery and for lunch, then a walk through Greenwich park (we live SE London). Purely plutonic. We enjoy each others company. That's all. My partner doesn't particularly like it but we were friends before I met partner and I've introduced them to each other. If my partner has a problem with me meeting my friend, I shall have a problem with him!

I personally think she’s out of order. I would hate it if my DP became close with one of my females friends like that! Your GF is really stretching your boundaries.
i know I’m going against the MN grain but you need to address it with her. Your mate is also not your mate, what an absolute liberty!

To understand the situation more, I think it would be helpful to know how long your hours are. Do you still have some time to go on dates with her?
You mention that your earnings keep the roof over your head, so do you own the property and she has moved in? Does she pay her fair share of bills and rent proportionat to what she earns, or was she happy to get a good deal by moving in?
It's a tad odd to progress a newish relationship by moving in together but unequally with financial input. Better to be on an equal footing and live in a house you can both jointly afford. Perhaps you are too keen to provide, and she was too willing to accept the material benefits. But it's already driving a wedge, so she is filling the hole you've left with him. At the end of the day, a lot of women would rather enjoy spending time with someone than having bigger material things once its realised there are sacrifices. A good enough place to live but time for fun and a life - especially when young - is more important and nurtures a relationship. In early stages, momentum needs maintaining. The right time for providing is once marriage and DC's come along, only then do sacrifices appear worth it.
Maybe you got too serious and tied down to work and bricks and mortar too soon in the relationship, you don't have the foundation that makes the duller times tolerated, so she's still out having fun, but not with you.

Pure projection. Get better friends.

I've never had a close male friend who didn't try it on and declare feelings.
Can't be bothered with them anymore!

She's deleting messages so she's hiding something.

If I were to picture my dp hanging out with one of my pals while I was working.. yeah, thats not a comfortable feeling, so I understand. The deleted messages aren't a good sign unless she does that as a rule anyway. I'm not sure what you do about it though, besides ask her what the situation is.

Purely platonic friendships between the sexes of course do happen, though ime 50/50 the man eventually declares feelings.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the replies. Just wanted to get a second opinion on it all really.
You've all been really great
Thankyou