I cant actually believe I'm in what friends are calling... a situationship.
I mean I'm 39 for goodness sake and feel like I've been a bit if an idiot.
The truth is dating/seeing someone is very new to me , I've only really done very long term relationships, the last long term one was 14 years. We broke up 2 years ago , since then I've had some flings/ fun stuff going on and also enjoyed having time just me and my kids not wanting to rush into a relationship.
This was all until October last year, I went onto dating sites stating I'm after a relationship, after talking to a few crazies! And weeding out the bad from the good, I starting talking to a man and we hit it off. We had a lot in common and just clicked. We met in December, met 3 times b4 dtd. Since January weve been seeing each other regularly, once a week. We both have children so that works out about right for us.
However something that I first thought maybe just taking it slow has actually shown up to be a bit of a pattern that I really am not comfortable with. Hes doing the old hot & cold thing, one minutes hes messaging me, communicating well, the next I dont hear from him for 6/ 7days at a time.
Hes starting to do a pattern of msging me on the day he knows I am child free and then we end up seeing each other. When I'm with him everything is good , however when I leave I hardly hear anything from him.
If I initiate texts or meeting up he seems keen, but I've taken a step back as I've noticed it's been me doing all the leg work the last few times weve met up.
Since ive waited to see will initiate contact I've noticed can go a whole week without asking how I am / checking in and arranging next date etc.
I know this is all looking bad and have advice from 2 friends, one Male, one female to get different perspectives and they have both said very similar things.
Hes not that into you , hes keeping it casual or seeing others/ talking to others.
At first this hurt a bit as I felt we had a connection... silly me! We live and learn hey?!
So right now I'm in a stage where he has pulled away , its Tuesday, I havent heard from him since Friday and the conversation was blunt. He comes across as very uninterested during this stage ( I've been analysing the pattern) i wont hear from him now until friday afternoon as he knows i have child free night, I'm in a place which is actually good so although a bit hurt , I'm sitting back and watching this pattern of his as it unfolds. Its actually getting quite amusing! 😊
I have decided I no longer want this kind of wierd situationship thing, I dont like his communication style and feeling a little used so I've made my decision now in my head, however much I like this man , I know hes not the one for me. I feel clear in this.
So what I'm asking for is when he comes back on friday msging me asking what I'm doing friday evening I would like some advice over a good reply please as I'm not great with that sort of thing
I dont want to come across shitty or needy, I want to make it clear that I wont be seeing him anymore in a friendly way , we live in a small town type area and I will bound to bump into him at some point, I also dont want drama or animosity, when I have seen him hes been kind and respectful so no need to fall out
I know he will msg friday so any replies you can suggest would be great please
Thanks