A relation has penned an 'encouraging' missive to me regarding how it's time for me to 'put my foot down' regarding the ongoing behaviour of my abusive ex towards me and the children. They have used phrases including (in order but some context removed obviously);
'I see you give in to him
Obviously you find it less effort to let him carry on
You don't stand up to him
I imagine you won't stand up to him in future but will give in and cover it up
Your approach is not a sensible solution
If you are unable to tell him enough then I will'
Those excerpts are verbatim.
I'm utterly shocked. I thought people understood my situation. I thought they knew what 20 years of emotional and financial abuse, controlling and coercive behaviour meant. I scrumpled it up and binned it and have just retrieved it to re-read and see if I'd misread. I haven't. Just fucking amazed. They represent others in this letter and so obviously they've all had a little consultation and decided this entire fucking shit show of a life could be solved if I just put a little more effort in...
They whispered that they'd want to chat about what they'd written when they see me in the week. I don't want to see them. I want to not speak to them or engage with this at all but I wonder whether there's some research paper or something I could point them towards instead?
For some context- they are aware I am under the domestic violence support team and social services safeguard my children after repeated abusive behaviours towards them by my exH. They are aware we have been trapped in our home while he parks outside and stands in our pathway. They are aware of how we were homeless and had no money for a long time due to me finally trying to leave him. They are aware of everything which has happened and they think this.